Moving along down the road of time We drive staring backwards; Blind yet we steer, 20/20 from behind The pictures are distorted We know the places we have passed, already faced 'em Blank to what lies before us Quick! Analyze the fading relics Can only learn, from roads we've stirred, Now Turn!
Painful tragedies snap back in higher frequency Than peaceful memories of tender harmony Sweet times oft are rated far below ecstasy Until beat into perspective by crushing blows of negativity
The image in a rear view mirror pulls closer, what lingers, a little nearer The catch with a rear view mirror: It redirects the attention of the steerer The value of the rear view mirror: Provides a feel for the overall picture The proper use of a rear view mirror Is not to stare, But glance back to gauge the future
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Speed review, sorry. Anyways, This is very beautiful! I think it reflects on memories and the effects of time very well. However, I feel like the use of the word "rear view mirror" was made uneffective, what with the one sentence separating the repeat of the word. I find that word repeats weigh-down most poems. This was very good, just try not to repeat words to much in the future. God bless!
hey there Dazzle for a review here! I want to say that your poem is so beautiful, it let me think of my own poem
this was really good written and while I was reading this it gives me the rest that I need. Good job and thumbs up.
Poems don't need to rhyme, what I like about poetry is that the writer can make their own story and he/she can be write evrything that comes up in mind. Poems make me happy and that is cool.
Now I go vote on your poem, cause it is worth it!
Dazzle
D'awww thanks! Is it alright if I call you Oak?
Hello hello hello!
This is a good piece of work you have here! There are only some minor things I think should be changed, really it's just grammar stuff. I'll quote your piece and write my suggestions in the quote.
Over all you wrote a really good poem here; there is just a few things you could change to improve it. Being a poet myself, I know the critic people give you isn't always what seems right to you. You don't have to do any of what I suggested but I believe it would help if you made those simple changes. Either way, do what ever pleases you and what ever you think is best! I liked the meaning of this poem because it is true. I hope this was helpful!
Keep writing,
tkpejb
Thank you! It was helpful. I had stanzas before, but you know the frustration of formatting. And I didn't want to mark it up with so much punctuation, so I left most of it out, but I did go back and add a few punc. marks. Thank you again!
Glad I could help!
What a beautiful reflection (pun not intended).
I really don't know what to say about this, it is literally one of the best things I have read on this website. The comparison is so realistic yet so unusual. Your word choice is exquisite, and the repetition at the end works perfectly. It made me think, and I am still thinking. The rhythm would make me think of someone driving alone down the highway even if the poem itself was about unicorns eating bananas or something.
My only suggestion is that you should remove the title from being the first line of this poem, it is a little distracting.
Sorry I couldn't offer much criticism, I just really, really love this poem. I hope you write more.
yeah, shouldn't have included the title. It didn't even format right, it was supposed to have stanzas, it was cleaner that way and emphasized it better instead of a complete run through. Thanks! You really seemed to enjoy it! I don't usually write poetry.