‘Yes, you knew’
This is True
-
Notifications from you
As my world disoriented into 9 sWoRd-FJoRds bent
Life Growing up Blew up in my Face and I haven’t made it out alive
Hospital gave all control to You
-
Brutal Recov’ry
wanting to set fire to it all
-
Something wRong
The Aching bones
Trumpet Blast !ng s\\
-
How I went on in Agony
Puffed a Breath or two whenever I fell down,
misreading plagues as simple travesty
-
Chased me like a bad Ghost, but
The blood merely was dinner-time ketch-up
-
[Refrain]
Said, “Let’s make a gamble?”
Whatever could this mean?
“Trust I’m not a Poltergeist?”
-
In his shake Their was every color
“Take what you need.”
Can I have them all?
“Only two or three.”
-
You’re more than condensed Day dreams!!!
You’re Cherishing is blinding, Your accompaniment is like super heroic Compelling!!
We began to Gush our hearts out over each other
However, our stories brought each other untold pain
-
Time Passed as if they were petals fading... AND winds arose
As he wove a necklace out of color unseen, I stood up, not knowing what it was doing
it cast this Face Ghostly-grim towards me, my Stranger slowly dis’pierc’ing roughly...
-
In child-Like Hopes of more reoccurrences... I wore It zealously for days;
Wore it out over the lonesome weeks:
Getting tired of this token, the little fader it was
Your Listening ears, like a dream . . . gone Delphic
-
Maybe my mind was just teasing me
As if trying to hold me, the chain hummed into vibrancy :#.
Yet it looked the same as before in a heartbeat and my friend
stayed an isolated mem’ry
-
Light now felt like the enemy
Until I met a few more sad people.
Some people don’t talk out of need to speak.
These are dolefully blue wear-HouSes
Who once winnowing they were trapped were given in rummaging the key,
to trap their very own door
...
disappointment and wanderings oF unReachable BirdS
Lands them on their back in poison Ivy: until one Day . . . in the rising Sun, something
about the way these saw it twinkling off of green leaves
-
Against all the itching
In the grace of a passing deer, came the emporium of a friend
[Refrain dear]
Said, “You’ve known me long enough to bet,”
Whatever could he be getting at ?
“have You Trust I’m not a Poltergeist Yet?”
In his shake Their was every color
But the tears from across the table made me leap and shout onto Its ectoplasm
I still didn’t know what was the cause, but here, and here alone was I alive
this Swinger swung me serene with just Those eyes
-
“How much do you need?”
Brow falling Ivy-Ward, More than you’re willing to give.
“So sure about that indeed, My little chum?”
Flying into a grin, the Specters body was of one meaty & Thick tone
That was of yellow alone.
-
“Do you still Love me without the Polychromes?”
[Refrain’N]
Joyous weeping flooded the hollo grounds now ringing with exchangies & unraveled
about the shrubs.
I dashed at him and I shed; My Past, with my arms, came Unhinged:
Well, after the First encounter
I hadn’t been infatuated with the license to rainbows anymore…
After the first instance the only Prize seemed to be your love
And it SlaYed me in the time I had to pass alone & chase BlitheFool dreams
Hey, those days are gone & can’t come back to drive you away now
Or anymore
He Outdoes the crowd & its pull
“I OUTLAST INFINITY, AND I MADE YOU FOR ME”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Legacy here for a review.
It seems like you have written a song here. I would personally love to hear it read (or sung).
You have some random capitalization and characters which made it harder for me to read it. It is a stylistic choice but keep in mind that some people will have a hard time reading it.
You also use a larger vocabulary. That is a good thing but make sure that your audience will understand what you are saying (whoever they may be).
In most songs (or lyrics like you have posted) there is a constant meter and I couldn't "hear" one. That might mean that you could reword parts to have it match a meter.
Overall, this may need more work in the publishing center. I wish you good luck. Also let me know if you ever record this because I would love to hear it. Maybe if I hear it with the words I might understand it more. Legacy.
This is a poem, not a short story. I know this is supposed to be the lyrics to a song or something, but that's still considered poetry and you didn't format it right at all. Also, what's up with the capitalization and punctuation? You can't hear that in a song. A lot of the lines are also just ungrammatical in really weird ways, never mind the spelling mistakes.
Unless this is some sort of literary Dadaism, it needs a lot of work, even if it sounds good when you sing it.
Sorry, tried to format it best I could. I thought it told a short story, like a folk song or something. I think a lot of people will wind up liking this