i left this town some place between the horizon,
and the just behind me cresent moon
i saw the park that we so often met at,
the tree still engraved with our initials,
they were bleeding sap last time I saw them,
now they're barely noticeable.
(thinking about it now makes me melancholic,
the photos, the songs, the places, they all bring back you)
i walked past the diner we menaced
whenever we had a break-up or a fight,
and it was three am and we had no where else to go
it still smelled like pancakes with too much syrup
and eggs with solid yolks, yet they were perfect for us.
i went back to my old home
the photo albums stacked neatly on shelves
the vinyls stored away in boxes
i fingered through every memory we made,
all the songs we danced to until we collapsed,
and i turned to you, as if to laugh at ourselves.
(but you weren't there,
i left you behind lifetimes ago.)
i saw the pillows we used on late nights to make forts
the blankets that covered them
and the flashlights we played with till the batteries ran out
(i reached out to hold your shoulder,
but again there was just a cold phantom of childhood)
i left home without you,
and walked across the street to where you used to live
the curtains were shut,
your mother's flower garden dug up.
the soil was dry, but not as dry as it was in the summers passed
the sidewalk was bare, but not as bare as it was when our chalk drawings got washed away
the air was somber, but not as somber as it was when you dropped your lollipop on the dirty floor
i don't know what's worse,
seeing the graveyards of everything that once was,
or knowing you're not here to see it with me.
(when the truck drove away and i said my final goodbye,
why did it sting more than going to a funeral?)
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,794 Reviews
Hey Wist and Century! Ellie here with a review for this lovely collab of yours
let's jump right into the review:
To begin, I think that this is a lovely poem. It is a very nice reflection, in my opinion, of growing up and having things change. The poem starts with growing up, leaving, and then coming back to things being different. Personally, this is something that I can heavily relate to, as well as a lot of other people. It makes me think of graduating high school, moving to college, then coming home to see things are different.
I love this! I love the imperfections, such as the eggs of solid yolks in the break up fights, how it was always enough. This is so applicable to real life. Often times, things honestly aren't that great, but it's the people that we are with, and makes some still feel magical. You really capture this reflective, feeling of childhood and growing up and realizing how the world really works.
This ending was lovely. In my interpretation, the friend doesn't die, instead, they move away. This is a really hard feeling to deal with, knowing that things will never be the same, and seeing the emptiness set of person leaves when they go. I think your poem was very descriptive, but not overly complicated, so it was easy for me to follow along and being engaged in the story. that's another thing that I loved, you guys really told a story throughout this! Overall, fantastic work, you two!!
Your friend,
Ellie
Your writing is incredibly evocative, painting a vivid picture of loss and nostalgia. It captures the bittersweet essence of returning to a place filled with memories of someone who is no longer there. The imagery of the park, the diner, your old home, and your ex-lover's house all evoke a sense of longing and melancholy.
The repetition of the phrase "I left you behind lifetimes ago" emphasizes the passage of time and the distance that has grown between you and your past. It's a poignant reminder of how people and places can change, leaving behind only memories.
The comparison between the present state of things and how they were in the past adds to the sense of loss and longing. The abandoned flower garden and dried-up soil serve as symbols of the passage of time and the inevitability of change.
The final lines about saying goodbye and the sting of separation are powerful and resonate deeply. It's a reminder that sometimes the pain of letting go can be more profound than the pain of loss itself.
Overall, your writing beautifully captures the complex emotions of nostalgia, regret, and acceptance that come with moving on from a past love.
Your talent is absolutely mind-blowing! Seriously, the way you bring characters to life and build intricate worlds is nothing short of amazing. Your writing style is so engaging and descriptive that it feels like I'm right there, experiencing everything alongside the characters. The attention to detail you put into your stories is truly commendable, and it's evident that you pour your heart and soul into each and every word. Your ability to create suspense, evoke emotions, and keep readers hooked is a true gift. I envy your incredible imagination and storytelling prowess.
this makes me sick I love it
Glad you like it!