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Parallel vs. Intersecting Lines

by WeepingWisteria


Parallel lines.
Definition: two lines of the same angle that will either touch in infinite places or never meet

Here we are again, Mother.
Tell me about your new boyfriend,
his tow truck,
how you dropped everything to invite him to dinner,
but cancelled dad’s fathers’ day plans.

You have a one track-mind,
and I am still stuck in the station.
Tell me how to reach you,
how to finally grasp your hand,
how to get you to look at me
like you look at my sister.
But you keep barreling down the tracks,
and I’m calling the conductor to get your attention

What happened to us?
What happened to my ability to tolerate us?
I used to lay on your tracks for a moment of your time,
but now I’m just sick of your schedule,
and how my station is only on it when
there’s no one more interesting.

Intersecting Lines
Definition: Two lines that meet at exactly one point

There was a time we weren’t like this,
a schedule change from a substitute conductor.
I fooled myself it was forever.
But then you started dating again
and suddenly I wasn’t important anymore.

But I felt like a child again,
basking in the warmth of your smile
and the way you hugged me while I cried.
And losing that was like losing you entirely,
as you acted like a teenager only wanting your man.

You want me to be happy for you,
as I watch you frolic in the distance.
But it takes all of my energy to say hello,
knowing two times out of three you’ll never respond.


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Mon Jul 01, 2024 1:36 am
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kaitlyn wrote a review...



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Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!


Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

Hello there! A little bit late on this review, but I've decided I'd rather go ahead and review it anyway because this is a genuinely really powerful poem and I want to tell you how awesome it (and you) happen to be! You know, cause I never do that normally, not at all!

Well reading through her, first of all, really love the comparison there. Its not something you'd immediately think of has having a lot of poetic value, but that definition of a parallel line starts to look like a poem all on its own when you've got it set up in that fashion and I think that's a beautiful example of your new approach these days, producing just one amazing poem after the other by drawing from so many areas that you really just wouldn't think to do.

Its been amazing to watch you do that and I think this poem really gets enhanced by this. The lines on their own are incredible and having a little idea of the backstory behind it, I feel it especially strongly, its a heartbreaking poem with a very clear message. That's something I always love about your poetry. You never say the emotions out loud but they strike you over the head anyway, never actually hiding behind this layer of meaning. Perhaps its cause I know you well enough to understand some of the context but I think its genuinely just how you write. Your voice is so powerful that metaphors can barely do anything to mask its power.

And that's that. Overall its another amazing poem and I can't really do much but stare in awe at it. The idea of how a mother can move on this quickly, treat a child like an afterthought and then it seems as per my interpretation at the end still expects the child to be all happy and doing perfectly find at the end of it is well heartbreaking in any structure but especially so with the powerful words you've used here today. Thank you for letting me read and review this even though there's no way I could think of a suggestion to improve this. But here are my thoughts anyway.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate


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Sun Jun 30, 2024 6:57 pm
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RavenAkuma wrote a review...



Hello, My Friend!

Wow, two incredible pieces here! Taking a simple concept, parallel vs intersecting, and adding so much depth and meaning to the very idea. Something easy to understand on the surface, but hiding something beautifully complex and personal beneath the surface.

*Ahem as for a more technical review, I don't really have any recommendations! I loved the pacing, the theming, the word choice, and even with things like structure, format, and grammar, I didn't see anything worth complaining about. Great writing job!

As for special moments and favorite line, ooo, that's tricky! I enjoyed all of this so much! Okay, first...

how you dropped everything to invite him to dinner,
but cancelled dad’s fathers’ day plans.


I loved the initial staging that was in this stanza, and specifically these two lines. It immediately established this problem of a mother's intense desire to be "out with the old and in with the new," even if it means hurting the old. Very sad to see, and unfortunately relatable for many.

I used to lay on your tracks for a moment of your time,
but now I’m just sick of your schedule,
and how my station is only on it when
there’s no one more interesting.


This was a great way of relaying the efforts done by this narrator to buy a moment of their mother's attention, but they just can't seem to get it. Again sad, but also beautiful and emotional.

And I can't even dissect specific lines; the entire second part of the poem was just incredible. The struggle with the narrator losing the attention and love they once received from their mother, and the pressure to be happy for her even though they themself are hurting from a seeming sense of neglect. Oh man, that hit hard.

Overall, that was an incredible poem, you did a great job writing it! Thank you for sharing it with us! :D




WeepingWisteria says...


Thank you for the lovely review, Raven! I appreciate it. I am glad you loved it!!



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Sun Jun 30, 2024 5:18 pm
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Elektra wrote a review...



Hello! Ley here to review this awesome piece for you! I'm using my fantasy themed review method today. I hope this review helps in more ways than one. Let's get into it!

A Journey Begins:
Omg, Wist. This poem was absolutely heartbreaking yet so beautiful. I love how you used lines to create a boundary between some stanzas, it was the perfect way to add creativity yet contrast. Let's get into the details on why I love this poem so much (I love every poem of yours, who am I kidding XD)

Glimmers in The Gloom:

You have a one track-mind,
and I am still stuck in the station.
Tell me how to reach you,
how to finally grasp your hand,
how to get you to look at me
like you look at my sister.

This stanza broke me. Comparing your love and relationship with her to a train station was so poetic. Not to mention the word choice: 'grasp' 'get you to', this adds a theme of desperation, which made me tear up because anyone that knows you, knows that you're worthy of love and acceptance. <3

I fooled myself it was forever.
But then you started dating again
and suddenly I wasn’t important anymore.

These lines were also super powerful. I'm at a loss for words, I hope that one day she realizes what she's missing and that you will always have a place in her world. Regardless of what happened, you are worthy of love and hugs and peace.

You want me to be happy for you,
as I watch you frolic in the distance.
But it takes all of my energy to say hello,
knowing two times out of three you’ll never respond.

This last stanza was the perfect closer. The fact you want to be happy for her, yet it's hard because you know she doesn't quite reciprocate the same emotions towards you, and you want her to be happy. This is a super vulnerable poem and I'm so happy that you decided to share it with us.

Oh, and also, I loved the mixed metaphors ;)

Magic Upgrades:
You know how I feel about critiquing poetry, but honestly, I don't have any suggestions either way. This poem was perfect, the themes were on point, and the descriptive language and metaphors were so effective. 10/10!

The Final Enchantment:
Overall, I'm so happy I got the chance to jot down my thoughts on this poem. It was truly a deep and personal read to you, and I feel so lucky to have been able to read it. You're a great poet, and I hope that you post more poetry in the future so I can read it and obsess over it just like I did with this one <3 Love you so much!

Thank you for taking time to read this review! I hope you have a lovely day <3

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Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.
— "Hamlet," William Shakespeare