such pretty flowers
wither and die in
winter's frost,
and i can only be upset that
you don't
with a heart as
cold
as yours
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
You posted something.
I like it <3
<3
This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!
So I haven't read any poetry of yours in awhile, though I'll try to hop back into this. I admit that this is a little different from the usual style that I've seen from you (I understand that some of your other poetry is more humorous) though that doesn't necessarily mean I don't enjoy that. With that, let's delve right in by saying that 'whither' should be spelled 'withered'. I can see that this takes a minimalist approach, which I admit to an extent is nice. I'm unsure of why this is titled 'snow day' since this seems to be more focused on the other person in the poem near the end and their cold heart.
The first three lines here start out strong, though the meaning is lost in the lack of clarity a bit. I assume that the speaker is saying that the flowers are pretty though they die in winter's frost and they hope for the other person in the poem to die too. Or, to be more specific, that the other person doesn't die because of their already-cold heart. I know this is a little rambled and that's because I'm scatterbrained, though I'm not much of a fan of the cold heart part of the poem. There's where I wanted more substance specifically.
I'm unsure of who this other person in the poem is, and context as to that is something that I find beneficial, even if it's only who the person is in relation to the speaker. A significant other? A family member? An old friend? That much, even if it's only hinted in context clues, would be nice. The focus of this should be using the imagery to enhance or make more effective of the theme, which I believe due to the wording can be a tiny bit confusing for some.
Overall though, this is solid. Nothing that's particularly wrong with this, and the execution of the theme stands out even if the wording can be fixed up a little and more imagery could be added for more substance, though that's a choice for you to make depending on what impact you want this poem to have.
If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.
thank you thank youuu, i have to admit the title was just kind of thrown in there because i didn't have one before i posted it >.>
otherwise you're review was really helpful and i could definitely use some work given how long it's been. one thing though is the subject of the poem- or i mean lack thereof. i've always been a big fan of anonymity because it allows the subject to be taken out of the context of the poem alone and put in to the lives of the the reader. Rather than being told about someone, you can choose who that person is. Or at least that's how i've learned it at school, but given my grades that doesn't mean much ccc: but anyway thanks again your review was very helpful!
Glad the review helped! c:
Hello, i have to say i really like the subject of your price and could imagine what you meant very vividly!
Just some things, I believe the word you were looking for was wither not whither and I think you could organize the verses a bit better so lines like the one that says "cold" don't float around and it's a bit more fluid.
I hope this helps if anything!
thank youuu, i didn't actually catch that spelling error so that embarrassing x.x