I want to shoot downwards
(rather than cower in my balloon)
out from the clouds above my town
adorned with the sun's kisses
flaming and melting my wax-laden wings,
and collapse onto the ground
with my knees exploding first,
so that I might marry the land,
my bone fragments being nursed
in its infinitely expanding womb,
and my name whispered in halls
of deer heads and bear skins
forever after - suicidal winged man
loses wedding ring in descent,
but, despite a piano on his back,
never looks up.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,667 Literary Works • 673,585 Reviews
This reads deliberate, and I like that. <3
This poem is absolutely stunning! The line: "and collapse to the ground with my knees exploding first, so that I might marry the land," is by far my favorite part. You've done an incredible job describing the act of falling, and having it mean so much more. There is hardly anything wrong with this piece that I can see. Keep up the good work!!
Your delicate density is such a treat, and I love that I can write these while you're snoring so you have something to chew on in the morning. >:]
Okay, so breaking this down into lit analysis around the bone lines to get nice fillets:
There's a major tone of anxiety that perpetuates this piece as we're given a.) the narrator cowering in his balloon, b.) the reference to Icarus, which implies there was an aim for greatness or an aim for difference, or maybe someone flung his life in a direction he dreaded, and c.) the sonuvagun is confessedly suicidal.
This is where it gets a bit sweet to me because if you want to interpret it that the man's life was going towards a person he didn't want, then his marrying the earth is a nice first resolution where we instantly see healing come through his circle where he's okay with all of this now. In fact, these are his hopes. He wants this.
The onnnnnly thing that confuses me. There's one thing. The piano. Is it another anxiety? A self-insert?
Altogether, though, this is a triumph. An enjoyable read and reread.
A fan always,
Ty
Hey, Katrina Kimberly here!
Two words can describe this poem: beautiful and mysterious...
I read this poem over and over again, finding that each time I read it, I loved it more and more. However, as wonderful as the poem is, my favorite part has to be the title, I believe it is a very creative and mysterious title. I apologize for the short review, there's nothing I could really critique, it's just a lovely and curious poem. Reminds me a bit of Wonderland...
Best Regards,
Your friend Kitty
P.S. I loooovvveee your username and profile picture!!