Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.
Sometimes, if I have time and patience
(and am not distracted by my smartphone),
I like to walk down to the brown field
by the supermarket and remember
when I dreamt to build a rocket
over fields of unwitting daffodils and daisies.
From there, as you and I so vainly hoped,
we could proper ourselves to space,
laugh at those big bright bastards
as they shimmer and explode, reminded
by our tiny gazes that the longest fires
burn like quietly dissolving embers.
Maybe I'd like to don my goggles again
and strap myself onto a booster,
burn over-romantic love and rise
to circle around the moon, see if it still winks
like it did when we shook the telescope
and wondered what really happened
to the Man of Tomorrow.
We could've written a doctoral thesis
out of odd coughing, aside glances,
and a despairing effort to touch fingers
like Adam and God without grace;
yet, every morning I've gotten out of bed
smoking a cigarette triumphantly,
sweating a pattern of coiling snakes
across my chest,
I always had you as an impression
pressed in my cookie-dough mind,
and baking slowly in the oven.
It would be nice to see you again,
but too many afternoons of astronaut ice cream
chilled our already-lackluster R&J spirit;
I last saw you at high school's end,
with cow-print briefcase in hand,
serving papers down the hall
while you hoped that the law school
would admit a mammal in your ranks.
We did not believe in phone numbers -
they were too blatant, scary, tempting
and ruined the art of platonic love,
or how not to chase away the geese
from paintings of breadcrumbs
with the wildest of looks in our eyes.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,688 Literary Works • 672,649 Reviews
Hey there! I absolutely love this, and will try my best to give a review worthy of its greatness! I'm not the greates at analyzing poems, but I'll try to harness my English skills for this poem. First off, your title is absolutely brilliant and really drew me into wanting to read your poem. I also love how some of your stanzas are different lengths, since your poem reads as such an interesting piece of poetry, its formate definitely needed to be unique in answer. All of the ideas you used or referenced in this are also so greatly chosen, and I really admire you for how amazingly you crafted this poem - going from present to reflection to reminiscing. Just beautiful, XD. You choosing to try not to rhyme in this poem was also such a smart decision that I never would have even attempted on my own. You are a fabulous poet! I'm definitely glad you put the age warning on this, even though the language and violence really aren't that bad, the whole insinuations are kind of strong, but this poem wouldn't be the same without them, so wow, really good job!
. Your language in this poem is so beautiful that I can't help rereading this poem over and over, just trying to take in all of the emotions you weaved into this flawlessly. Well, lest I sound like an even bigger fangirl, I think I should finish this review.
Even though I definitely love all of the things you mention in this poem, I still have no idea what you mean by B&J (Ben&Jerry... eh?) or if you meant to put "or" or that you forgot to put another word in there to have the last stanza make more sense. I have no idea how the last three lines related to the first three of the last stanza, so sorry if it's really obvious and I'm just a really oblivious person. Whoops. And did you mean to put "their" instead of "your" in the second-to-last stanza, so it would read "their ranks" instead of "your ranks"? Or am I just totally wrong? Sorry if I am
Overall, you're absolutely brilliant, and all of your ideas in this poem are super great and smartly chosen. Your reflections on the past is really well done. Great, great, wonderful job on this! You should be proud. I'm sorry this review isn't longer, but I can't say really anything negative about this poem, so I'm just basking in your greatness, haha. Well, good luck with any future poems! I know they'll be great too!
Hey!
I thought that was a really deep poem. I think it could really be related to anyone and I think that's great. You used really good words. I think that you really are good with words and articulate. I think it makes it have more of a serious tone of voice. Now I'm under 16 but have completely understood this poem. You have used great images to describe your point.
Sarah24