Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
And here, for a second, I hoped
I could overdose myself with ennui,
be wrapped in shag carpet
(or an oversized, yellowing newspaper),
and thrown callously into a river
like a decaying and neglected fish,
so I might sail down a river
to the imaginary tune of Bach's tunes.
All to have my eye beaten in by a rock
held by the strong father of a child
in whose life I've been ensnared,
to teach the young bastard a lesson
on the impermanence of reality
when drowning in a sea of apathy.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,688 Literary Works • 672,649 Reviews
Bruh. This was great. Your word choice was fantastic, your imagery was there...seriously, I think you nailed it. I think what you did here was beautifully nuanced and not in your face at all. I think that as the reader, I would've like your to be a little less vague so I could understand the message just a little bit better. I think the problem with most poems about abuse is that they're all very upfront and they beat you in the eye with a rock (ha) with how much they're about abuse. I think this does a good job of just setting up the imagery and leaving it a bit up to interpretation. Well done.
Wauw...this is amazing. Some great stuff, really nice. Well written, with lots of emotions and bringing tears to my face (tears of joy, that is). It is something really great and the stuff of wonders. I really like it and (or at least for sofar I understood) because it is talking about absentee fathers it is a personal theme for me. Seems something great, really wish to read more of your stuff in the future, since it seems that a have a great writer before me. Really awesome.
This is a pretty deep poem