Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
Is this contention,
with my skin boiling
as vessels scamper
on sugar highs and cast
blood droplet actors to hover over me,
my face, and the frenzy
of white spiders crawling from beneath,
all stupid enough
to cast my ire upon them?
Perhaps I am childish,
letting crimson angels splay across me
while I try to stand underneath
the heavy image of a dim lightbulb over my head
casting shadows of old friends
who waited for a liar to come
and share in the fire in their dreams.
I know enough that no water
can stop raw, swollen hands from pulsing
as I clutch a tired stomach
filled with the brim like a bowl
made of Halloween candy glued together
with regret and an ego that refuses
to see anything spill out
of a container that was long ago overfilled.
And now my eyes also scream
as I nearly suffocate myself in fear,
that my sugary overdose
has failed to stop my heart and I
from waking up in the morning
and casting a furious glance
at an errant speeding clock.
Now, where is my long-awaited peace,
and must I find it in dark alleys
behind trash bins and shady dealers
peddling forgotten memories and a few dollars
from casual evenings?
So help me, I will cast my arms and spin them
across the world and wave it away;
that I will call upon my strength and pray
before a reserved and silent altar,
as my fuming queen and her demands
cannot seize my heart or soul as tribute
if I have the prowess of gods behind me.
All I wish in the end
is to have my purple glowstick
and wave it about in the dark,
summon patterns and guidelines
for me to obediently follow
and ignore all the pools
of hazardous liquid libations
I've spilled on the ground
in the process.
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139,688 Literary Works • 672,649 Reviews
Hey TheSilverFox, here for a Review Day review!
Impressions: True poetry. I quite like this piece and feel that it should have been reviewed out of the Green Room a long time ago. Glad I got to read it first.
This is my favorite part. It just speaks so much of what it means to be human, and not just as a child because we adults make the same mistakes. Great job here of putting life's perspective on paper.
Advice:
So this is the turning point of your poem, which I think is great because it's different than the rest, both in style and in formatting. What I didn't like about it was that it's one long sentence, and as a single thought it doesn't seem powerful enough to shift the reader's mind to the next stanza. I feel the need to almost go back and read something more, but it's not quite there. Needs a little more, Uhmpf.
I give it:
Wow wow wow. It is very detailed with unique words. I loved how you said in the third paragraph, Halloween candy glued together with regret and an ego... Very unique and I enjoyed it. Keep writing!
Hey there !! Ejay the reviewer is here ...
First of all, I must say that this poem is just as unique , lovely and mesmerising as your name : SilverFox . Honestly, I am intrigued . These lines were just so sensual . For example , when I read the lines :
"with my skin boiling
as vessels scamper
on sugar highs and cast
blood droplet actors to hover over me," ,
I could actually feel it . This is what poetry is all about , don't you think ?
Your play with words exudes immense poise and grace . Purple Glowsticks huh ? Very Clever .
Well , to sum it up , I will say this : This is one hell of a poem
And yeah , If this review of mine helped you or if it made you smile , I would be glad if you reviewed one of mine too
Thanks !
Cheers to your young talent .
Bye .
Hey there !! Ejay the reviewer is here ...
First of all, I must say that this poem is just as unique , lovely and mesmerising as your name : SilverFox . Honestly, I am intrigued . These lines were just so sensual . For example , when I read the lines :
"with my skin boiling
as vessels scamper
on sugar highs and cast
blood droplet actors to hover over me," ,
I could actually feel it . This is what poetry is all about , don't you think ?
Your play with words exudes immense poise and grace . Purple Glowsticks huh ? Very Clever .
Well , to sum it up , I will say this : This is one hell of a poem
And yeah , If this review of mine helped you or if it made you smile , I would be glad if you reviewed one of mine too
Thanks !
Cheers to your young talent .
Bye .
I love this poem. keep doing more like this