Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
I hoped I could hide myself here,
among blazing hot steam pipes
stereotypically spewing their contents
into moisture-laden air and into the screaming
of a young man too afraid to have said hello
to anyone past himself, afraid to take a stage
he could not hold together with frail charisma,
poor props, and a weak voice reverberating
down halls while searching for the story
of the broken-hearted old dreamer who died
among brooms and a big boiling bucket
of water too immerse in his cries
to heart his desperate pleading from by the door;
because here I hope for the best
to grace me similarly,
if only for the watercolor effects.
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139,688 Literary Works • 672,649 Reviews
Hey this is spartan118 here for amazing review so sit back grab your drink and plate of snacks and enjoy.
So it seems to me that you are trying to run away from your past and hide when you don't know how to face it all too well. Second I liked how you worded this poem it seems like it was just off the top of your head and it slowly smoothly. Third I have no problems with your grammar punctuation or spelling but that's cause I don't really care for looking for it unless you comment about wanting that.
I hope you enjoyed the quick review I left you.
Have a good day, evening, night, or morning depending on where you live.
Keep up the good work and have fun.
Hi it's ya boy theknight here for another review so let's jump straight into this:
This is a very good example of emotional writing as it goes through you have emotions like fear and sadness that are visible.
The more you read the more you want to continue and that is exactly what you need when it comes down to being a poet/writer.
Examples of;
Fear: "afraid to take a stage" this one practically tells you its fear.
Sadness: "a big boiling bucket
of water too immerse in his cries" once again practically tells you what emotion iit is.
Overall its an amazing pei and I hope to see more like it.