Young Writers Society

This is Kaos here for a review!

Your poetry has such a style and I think that this highlights that. There were a lot of different possibilities that ran through this whole poem with the meaning, not in the theme, but in what the story is really about. It adds layers, and I can really appreciate that here. The voice that you create is something to be admired in here and is one of the strengths of the poem. I haven't read part two yet so I'm going to rule out what I think the story is about similar to Lumi.

My first thoughts after reading the poem was that the man murdered his wife but I know this can't be. I don't really get a chance to interpret since I know that the wife murdered the husband from the prompt, and I think that this is an interesting choice to make to lead us to believe that the man murdered his wife with the ax marks along her side, but then the next line comes with them kissing him with sweet murder. I don't know if this was intentional to make it confusing on who killed who, but I think that adds a whole other thing to this.

While how the poem is dense in all its layers, and how that can be appreciated, some of that starts to get hard to read. It's really my only and main complaint is that it's thick and hard to get through on the first try. You have to re-read it a few times before you actually start to understand and get it. I can see it being hard to get through for some, but this is more minor.

The other thing that I wanted to mention is the emotional impact of the poem which is something that I would have liked to see have more emphasis to it? At least that's my thoughts on it because there was subtle hints to emotion but it was never really brought out fully though I think that emotional weight behind the lines like the last three lines had would benefit the poem.

I hope I helped and have a great day!

Duuuude, this is dense (in the right way.)

The way this is written out, I'm given to one of four interpretations. Discussing this with you, I'm ruling our interpretation 4, which dictates that the man in the gray hat is the same as the inspector and just confusedly written. But they're not--and this purposeful ambiguation is very very nice because it opens these three gates. Let's talk about that.

Universe One

Years after the narrator has killed his wife (the day after her birthday, mind you), he receives a visit at 4 in the morning from the memory or ghost of his dead wife. He was given 17 years in prison, just got out, visited the grave (as we established), and now this! Reeeeeal Dickinsian stuff. Anyway, he sits down in my head, he sits down and he has a conversation with his wife about murdering her and all is jovial and colloquial and heartfelt.

"A taxi driver, babe, came to our crappy house, and said he was the one who drove you home that night. Ain't that some crap?"

"He did."

"Well you look like death warmed over."

"And your sense of humor hasn't changed an ounce since Y2K." And then she puts down a hand of poker because they're playing cards in my head now.

Universe Two

A man, locked away for seventeen years for murdering his wife in a fit of passion, is visited by her ghost because he asked the grim reaper to let her be the one to take him through to make things even. This is after the grim reaper tells him the whole story about her horrible, slow, taxi cab death. By the way, grim reaper as a cabbie? Yes please.

Universe Three

So basically the guy's dead already, died in prison, and the man in the gray hat was the grim reaper. His purgatory is the day he killed his wife and was brought her body, and it haunts him, but he talks to her; she doesn't talk back.

What I really want to know in all these universes is, beyond Y2K and Dourface Towerman (wonder who THAT could be >.> ) what drove him to the fit of passion?

It's the only detail missing. Lovely piece, Fox. I love things that entertain me and make me think. I'd probably nix the cyanide line. Doesn't add anything. The rest is just enjoyable.
Ty