Heavens Calling to the Earth

Hi. With me, you're always going to get an honest opinion - Because faithful are the wounds of a friend.
That said, there's really not very much "Wrong" with this poem, as that term, in the Poet's Trees, is unduly subjective.

I'm not a fancy reviewee, or greatly organized for that matter, so bear with. Now, You totally had me with that reminiscent first chord. A year ago, under the moon. You found that sweet spot of simplicity there, and then (especially what I liked) you picked it up with that image of contamination in direct conflict with the stark White symbolic highlights. I've got that pictureesque groove connecting in my head of the crisp winter night, open sky, not even a whisper of a breeze.

Okay, but then, 3rd line, everyone kinda uses the stars singing or making some kind of sparkly-fartkly music. It's okay, but it doesn't punch me. Of course, what would make the highlights without the boilerplates...

"shimmering" in my thinking, is waaaay overused (even by me) WHAT!? whOOO said that! *flashes eyes in all directions* Same thing for "Chorused" in the following 5th line & straight-from-manual "shattered dreams." Succulent descriptions empower the air feeding into the poem, like a good updraft constructs a thunderhead. SKI-CHEE! LIghTNINg

The rest of this stanza just walks along. Better than drones. But it's like I'm in a lull trying to engross myself in the scene anymore. I was kissed by the leading couplet. I was left heartbroken as my lips tried to attach themselves to "with only the slightest hope of..."

So I'm going to ask here: is there a real purpose behind shifting from 'O Snowy night Divine' to 'Remote and moot out in the rain' ? Even tho it may well be more a symbolic transition than anything, I'm not sure it does a good job. I certainly am moved abooouuut roughly 17% -- I DO like the personification of how the rain answers. In fact, that attribute stays throughout your poem here, which I think is something that can often keep a poem from falling into the routine category. For example; most of us artists, have been there under than bugged-out lamppost, and God does know that thing is a despondent prop waiting to tie a knot through the heart of any jarred wanderer.

when the droplets crawl, that takes my mind down to another perspective, which really makes this part of the poem Roar back to LIfe. Although, it was really really speedy how they evaporate in all the glorious transition of one line. With a starting such as this had, one really garners their bets that it should/will be a sort of drawn out cere-Brawl

I could, but I won't nitpick about flow, bc for one thing this isn't a rhyme-scheming poem so it's not greatly relevant, but mostly bc contrary to what most people think, sometimes the worst thing you can do to a poem, especially a melancholic one, is make it flow beautifully as if the dawn had graced it with folded wings. (really do whatever seems fits the mood of what you're aiming to eexpress for)

I like the Reversal there where the wasteland wilderness taps your foot and gets a hold of your attention. I literally just about felt a tit-t-tut on my own foot when I read over that. The final couplet adequately soulmates the masterful Introduction.

I guess I find some fascinating satisfaction in rating it a score so... 7/10!

Average to middling would be a 5, so i'd say this had it's moments. Especially greeting us and leaving us! I am curious to delve into more of your stuff, cause for one thing, you're style is fun to watch!

I love this.

Your images skid into one another and there is not enough breathing space. I like the imagery you employ, but you need to scatter it out and be selective. Commas are mild pauses; they're not as strong caesurae as dashes and periods tend to be--and you need stronger pauses throughout this poem if you want the reader to understand + fully enjoy the poem. Don't neglect certain forms of punctuation for others. Honestly, if you're using punctuation, be clever with it. Break things up. Read this out loud if it helps--you know the drill.

First stanza: That's a /lot/ for the stars to be doing at one time, isn't it? Are they playing melodies, throwing spotlights onto the narrator (the way the sentence is constructed, right now, 'shimmering' reads as a verb), chorusing, shattering dreams, or touching hearts? I can't decide. And neither can the narrator, it seems. It might make sense in a stream-of-consciousness way, except that it gives off the impression of simply being random. It doesn't get anything solid across, which is what makes my nerves itch.

Enspoilered is how I, personally, would edit that first stanza. This is just to give you an idea more than anything else, AKA feel free to edit as suits you~

Congrats. You get have your poem torn apart by none other than me.

Seriously though, my reviews are all based on zero sympathy.

So first off, this is very good. The first part starts off a bit clunky. I going on a limb and saying that this was a pseudo-free write if you know what I mean. The first sentence seems to set up something later but is never finished. I'd cut that and just start at "I walked..."

Secondly, the last couple lines where you set up a kind of rhyme scheme doesn't really work. It interrupts the sort of speech like quality of the poem.

The poem flows very nicely from the beginning to the point I mentioned. I like the imagery and the emotion works nicely. I like the way you broke the poem. In all this is a really good poem. I look forwards to reading more of yours.

P.S: This is meant to be read in the most monotone voice possible.