Give me shelter,
A place to hide;
Though I can't repay the favor.
I am too cold,
And muddy and beaten,
Lost and confused.
Stranded on rocks,
With swirling waves
Lapping at the edges -
I think I see sharks.
(Tears are leftovers
Of all broken life,
But not alive.
Yet they're all left
Of what I loved -
Of you.)
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139,507 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Hello TheSilverFox!
It's me again, ILoveBooks! I told you I will be reviewing your poems. Because I still can't get over the fact about the last review I wrote about your poem...
Happy Review Day again. Sorry I just love to greet people in Review Day.
Anyway, this didn't stop me from being amaze by your poem! Welcome done as always. Now I see what you are tyring to express here. It give me so much emotions.
I get what you are trying to say in the beginning of the poem. It was dark and very emotional. It might be short but it shows thousands of emotions. I hope you continue this! And your word of choice are still great.
That's all for now. This is just really amazing so I couldn't find a word to say about this being bad. Wellbdone! And keep it up.
-ILoveBooks out.
I like the start of this poem the most, it has genuine language and meaning. It is literal. The first three stanzas are the nicest. Towards the end when you say:
"Tears are leftovers
Of all broken life,
But not alive."
I think you start to veer off into the realm of meaningless metaphors which may sound good but are quite confusing. What does this actually mean? how can it be broken life and not alive. saying "but" doesn't justify illogical assumptions. I used to do the same with my poems to make them sound deeper and more mystical/meaningful, but I soon came to realize poetry is meant to convey meaning and thought and not to be fanciful fluff without meaning. Maybe there is some metaphorical meaning but to an idiot like me It is not apparent. It's like me saying " In the darkness there is a small flickering flame, but not burning". Perhaps some meaning could be divulged from this metaphoric contradiction but I do doubt it. Once again though I thoroughly enjoy the first part for it's literal description of plight and helplessness translates as a big metaphor. I'm sure you didn't literally mean a person on a rock in the sea. This is the kind of good metaphor you should use to create nice images and good poetry. I look forward to more c:
Hello, TheSilverFox! I'm Trelose.
This is a very nice poem and it's very dark and emotional. You did an excellent job of creating the atmosphere from it and, with the word choice, I have very little in the way of complaints except towards the end.
"Yet they're all left
Of what I loved -"
This is a personal choice, but I would phrase it slightly differently.
"Yet they're what's left
Of what I loved -"
Other than that, this is a well-written poem! Keep 'em comin'!