Dusk 4/29/23
It’s dark
Pitch black
Only the soft glow of lights dance about the camp
I’m not supposed to be wandering
But it’s their last campout
They’ll be gone soon
The boys who taught me, soon to be off to college
We walk throughout camp, laughing
It’s good
We pass by the Gaga pit; it’s muddy, too muddy to play
We sigh out of disappointment
We mess around, throwing harmless insults at each other
Just
Having
Fun
One of the Eagles starts to head back
I follow him
We pass the amphitheater, watching the beaming lights bounce off the still water of the lake
He takes a deep breath
“Ya know, what if you came here at night and no one was here?”
…
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Hey friend!! It has been a little while since I have read one of your amazing poems, so I thought id stop by for a visit! Let's jump into the review
I love the reflective tone you use while sharing this experience with us. You mention the 'boys' and without giving us a lot of details, besides the fact that they are going to college, I feel like we learn so much more through the emotions we feel. This lifetime of friendships was built, brick by brick and day by day. The simplicity of your words is nice too, because it isn't distracting. Your phrases like "it's good" really help us feel this calmness. The calm before the storm.
You use some nice poetic elements throughout this poem to keep us engaged. One thing I love is the storytelling voice you use. And this hook sentence, except its at the very end. It is almost like a cliffhanger. I want to know what you guys did there and if you went!!
Overall, sweet, simple, short, but nice poem!! I loved it. Keep writing more and hope to see you around!
Your friend,
Ellie
Thanks, strange how long ago I wrote this, I'm glad you could enjoy something even I forgot was on here.
Hi! This is a random weirdo here to review.
I just read your series up to this one, and I gotta say I'm intrigued! And after writing this review, I'll read the rest.
I love this part:
The fact that you separate these words gives them a sort of eerie feel, though the words themselves give a sense of relief or happiness. It makes me think something bad is about to happen, something worse than camp ending.
And the descriptions are short but vivid; I can almost imagine myself there.
The whole poem has an underlying... I don't know what to call it... dread? It makes me want read more so bad..
Anyway, this is an amazing poem series. Series poem. Bunch of poems. And I will read the rest!
Keep writing!
Thank you!
For an interesting and heartfelt poem, I wonder why there aren't more reviews on this. So I might as well leave a review
The elements of nostalgia, time, and the temporary in this story is quite prominent. You started by setting the story beautifully, describing the soft glow of lights dancing around the camp. You left what the "lights" are to the readers imagination. They could be several campfires situated around the place. They could be a swarm of fireflies flitting around with a soft light. They could be stars that give their generous light from above.
This can infer to one of two things. The narrator is either going to another college away from his friends. The other option is more likely. The narrator is probably younger than his friends and looks up to them as mentors and older brothers. The succeeding lines show the friends having a good time and it shows their close bond.
I find it interesting how you emphasized "just having fun". It gives so much room for interpretation. I first thought it was the narrator being breathlessly happy to spend time with his friends. When I thought more, I realized it can also be the narrator tricking himself to believe they were having fun, trying to ignore the fact it's their last campout which serves as a melancholy goodbye.
The last few lines hold as a cliff hanger to the poem. The narrator follow one of the boys. If I were in his shoes, I would follow him because I greatly respect that person. So let's say the narrator followed him because he cares and respects him a lot. The question that this boy ask is enough to make someone sad, given the entire situation. Imagine the bitter and melancholy nostalgia the narrator would feel if he returned to that place alone. Void of the laughter of his friends and the friendly insults they throw to each other.
Overall, it is a poignant poem that makes one remember similar experiences. If this is a real life experience from your life, I want to applaud you for sharing it. It's not easy to talk about change especially when it comes to matters close to us. I find writing a great way to write down raging emotions and confusing experiences. Change can hurt a lot and it can take away the people we care about the most, figuratively and sometimes literally. But that's just how life is. We need to pick ourselves up and face another day. Know that your loved ones, friends, and even the people of the YWS community (like me) be here to support you
This is alpacaboss, signing off.
Thank you! Yes, all the experiences I write on here actually happen on their set date.
It's cool that you write about your experiences like this! Nice one