Goofs 6/3/2023
It’s getting late
But that doesn’t stop us
I suggest we sneak around camp
Go see the river and the pool
Just to mess around
Being the person he is, he wants to
We walk about camp
Talking
Well, he’s talking, I’m listening
He tells stories before I joined
While we sneak around camp, avoiding people
We look around
The staff are up in the hall
We joke around
We start to head back
Him still telling stories
I point up at the sky
A mixture of blue and pink dances about the sky
He admires it, something I hadn’t known about him
Shame he’ll be gone soon
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,377 Literary Works • 672,110 Reviews
Hello! I'm guessing this relates to your poem "Experiences: Six" since they have similar themes. This person must mean a whole lot to you and I want to thank you for sharing your experiences with us
Evidently, this shows a very close bond. Personally, when you are bold enough to suggest doing such things to another person, you must be close to them. These first few lines show a part of your personality, perhaps a tad mischievous.
And the friend agrees to the mischief! I love how they bond while trying their best to stay out of trouble.
Now this part shows another layer of their friendship. The narrator notices that their friend admired the sky, something they never noticed in their friend before. Then they lament that their friend will leave soon. It's a reminder for us that we may not get to fully know the people we are with inside out. Which is why we must treasure every single moment with them and keep that beautiful memory in our minds.
Overall, this is a beautiful poem, vividly described and poignant.
This is alpacaboss, signing off.
Hello there! This is loveissourgrapes and I am here to give another poem from your experiences series a review/comment.
"It’s getting late
But that doesn’t stop us
I suggest we sneak around camp
Go see the river and the pool"
This is part of your poem reminds me of those movies about teenagers falling in love or having a really deep friendship with this one person. they like to rebel to be with each other and they like to sneak out of camps, house and what not even if it is late. Even if they have exams and activities to do the next morning.
"Just to mess around
Being the person he is, he wants to
We walk about camp
Talking"
They like to mess around and talk to each other a lot. The best friend, the narrator is talking about has a personality the narrator is compatible with. HE is the correct person for the narrator. That's cute.
"Well, he’s talking, I’m listening
He tells stories before I joined
While we sneak around camp, avoiding people"
That is good that he talks a lot while the narrator just listens and listens to his fun stories before the narrator happened in his life.
"We look around
The staff are up in the hall
We joke around
We start to head back
Him still telling stories"
I wish I had a friend like this. Like, my friend and I get to enjoy time together and then walk each other back home or to the place where we came from like the camp in this poem.
"I point up at the sky
A mixture of blue and pink dances about the sky
He admires it, something I hadn’t known about him
Shame he’ll be gone soon"
The descriptions were nice here about the colors dancing with each other in the sky. Your friend admired it and that is something new you knew about him. The last line is sad though. But I think it would be better if you have said, "it's a shame".
Over all, it is good. Keep on writing! Have a wonderful day/night!