Calm 6/23/2023
Breaking off from the group
Just to go stare at the sunset
The dark blue clouds and the yellowish faded sky
The combination is splendid
Especially with him
His appreciation is good
Goofing around all day
Then sneaking away is just so
Relaxing
We take pictures, laying on the wooden dock
And it’s just so peaceful out here
The sunsets here are beautiful
They remind me of her
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140,098 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
For those who don't know, every single experience I post, (with the exception of the ones with fiction behind them) are actual events in my life with little to no added details.
Hi! This is a random weirdo here to review.
First of all, I'd like to say that I'm sorry. I reviewed part four, and said that I'd read the rest after that. I never did. But at least I'm here now? (I'm so sorry it took as long as it did)
But anyway, on with the actual review!
So it's just the two of them. It's interesting how you don't mention names (at least in this part), and the readers don't get info-dumped on with too many names to remember. I wonder what they are to each other? Brothers? Siblings? Friends? And who are they? As I read everything up to this point, I was a little confused throughout as to whose perspective it was. Was it always the same person? Was it different people? And I guess I'm kinda confused as to what is happening. But the poetic form that this is in is sorta meant to be vague. Also the description is nice, and though I don't know much, it's great that there is some.
I would have thought that sneaking away would be exciting or thrilling, maybe scary in some ways. I didn't expect relaxing, but I can totally imagine that being the case. But also, this part makes me think something horrible is about to happen, or something somewhat bad at the very least.
Who do they remind you of? Who is she? Also, the fact that you never write "I" or "me" or "my" until the very end is interesting. It's almost like the character isn't there, just floating around in peaceful bliss until something happens.
In all, this was a very enjoyable read, and I'd love to read more of your works.
Keep writing!
Sorry for the confusion of who the people are. I like to not mention names when talking about my actual personal life. But the friend I'm with in this poem is Noah, who is the character in Exp. 8. HE is also present in Exp. 4, but he isn't really mentioned. I like to keep the vagueness common, leaving people to let my experience possibly relate to ones of their own.
Also, the girl I mention at the end is the girl in Exp. 7.
Thank you!
It's really fine. Vagueness is often an element in poetry that makes it better. Thanks for the explanation!
I really like this piece. I relate to it personally as I oft find myself peeling away from groups to enjoy the peace and serenity of nature with my own thoughts. The entire piece itself grants it this feeling of calm, despite the underlying thoughts it alludes to, they are not the subject, but the healing balm that is the sunset, the view, and the dock truly help elevate and convey this relaxing vibe.
Outside of the poem I hope you continue to find moments like these. They sound absolutely lovely.
Hello! Here I am reviewing another one of your poems from your series, "Experiences". I know these are all based on events that happened in your life, so I want to encourage you to keep doing this. It is not only helpful for you, putting your emotions out through writing, it helps other people like us sympathize with you
Anyways, let's get to the review!
Simple yet vivid words. Well done!
Perhaps my favorite part of this poem is the quote "Then sneaking away is just so Relaxing". Usually, sneaking out isn't associated with being relaxing. But the more you think about it, escaping from reality does seem like a peaceful thing. So nice line here because you made the reader think and relate to you.
Ooooohhh, who is this "her"? Most of your poems revolve around you and the guys. So I wonder who this new character is and how she reminds you of sunsets. Perhaps something about her physical appearance or her personality. It helps the readers give a glimpse and the freedom to think. What is she like?
Overall, this is a nostalgic and mostly happy piece. Keep it up!
This is alpacaboss, signing off.
Hi there! This is loveissourgrapes and I am here to review/comment on your poem. Ahhh, I just love your poems in your series, "Experiences: one, two, three, and so on". Note: I might have some errors because I am using my phone. Anyways, let's get into it.
Since this is like a summer camping experience, it is good that you have introduced the poem this way. Describing the sunset and how someone is breaking on from the group. My sky today was just like how you describe it so I do like it and I can imagine it very well. You should add a comma lastly on the first and second lines mentioned here so the flow sounds better when read out loud. And the last line should have a period. because it sounds like a sentence.
Oh, of course, we love a friend that goofs around all day just to make you smile. The guy you've been talking about here seems nice, like a good person/friend to be with.
This seems like a relaxing and calm vibe but I don't know who is the girl mentioned at the last line. Is this the other friend that you have mentioned in the past poems or a new character? You can see how strong the bond of the two friends just chilling out with a calm atmosphere after sneaking out. This reminds me of those teenagers in those movies that love to live their lives. If this experience is based by you, enjoy your life with friends, good friends and be happy.
Over all, I do love this poem. There are a few grammatical errors though. The message given was great. Keep on writing! Have a wonderful day/night!