Sun Thunder 6/30/2023
The sky is on fire
Well, at least it looks that way
A mixture of orange, blue, and gray create something wonderful
A masterpiece across the canvas we call the sky
Flatlands make it easier to see
Corn fields and grassy plains for miles
People are concerned about the storm
While I stare at the chaos in awe
Sharp clouds and gradient colors look back at me
My mind leaves it’s domain
Wandering
Wanting to get closer
An urge I have to fight
For great big flashes of neon blue strike around us
Crooked lines spans across the canvas
A rogue paintbrush dancing about
Created chaos, but beauty as well
The rain soon comes down, washing the peaceful aura away
It was good while it lasted
I can say that for a few things
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,769 Reviews
Foxmaster here for a review!
I love the description in this, you really were showing instead of mostly telling. I could really imagine the colors against the dull land. Buut I also noticed that there isn't a part ten. Typo?
The last line here really caught my eye. It was good while it lasted? I can also say that about a lot of things. I am guessing you don't only mean that about nature stuff. That was a powerful closing sentence here, and I think it was a great way to finish this.
Overall, I loved the descriptions of this and can tell you are a pro at writing poetry. You seem very experienced, as this was very well written.
Foxmaster
Thank you! Exp. 10 will soon be out, there was something wrong that said it was posted when it wasn't, so I'll have it out soon. It happens the day after Exp. 9.
Oh ok
Hiya! This is Orabella, here to review.
I noticed this is numbered eleven, but there isn't a ten? Did you misnumber this, or am I missing something?
Again, this is a masterpiece. I love the detail you put into it, and I can perfectly imagine the storm clouds overhead. The fact that you based this on your own life makes it more interesting, and it's nice that you feel comfortable enough sharing this with us. (That being said, you should always be careful of what you post about yourself. Another reason it's good and okay to have this be vague.)
The last two lines end this spectacularly. Even though you're detaching from the (beautiful) description, it separates the reader in a really eerie and fantastic way. And it's so true to life. So many things are good while they last, even more than the narrator, or you technically, thought initially.
I love it when poets (or even just writers) use a canvas and paintbrush in their writing. I've always thought it was a very creative little metaphor, and I hold a special place for those who use it. You also take it a step up and make the lightning like a paintbrush, which I thought was very clever.
Thanks for writing this! It was truly amazing to read, and I hope to see more works by you soon!
Keep writing!
Thank you! Exp. 10 will soon be out, there was something wrong that said it was posted when it wasn't, so I'll have it out soon. It happens the day after Exp. 9.
Alright! Can't wait.