Burn 2/25/23
They drop it in
Stripes and stars melt as the flag falls
The fire flames up, showing orange and red
They all step back from the heat
I don’t
I stay put
I watch the fire tower over and out of the box
I stare at it, eyes all aglow
My face is hot, red hot
The fire eventually dies down
It’s still blazing
And they drop in another
And we all watch the flag cover the fire, soon to be engulfed
It swarms up, and it falls down
The fire dies out, just the soft light of coals are visible
All is quiet
“Alright, let’s head back inside.”
Redgate 3/22/2023
Silence for the man
Nothing but the fluorescent lights buzz
And the stomp
The stomp that hits the ground as he folds the flag
Silence
Stomp
Silence
Stomp
He finishes and she holds the flag
He salutes with his chest held high
He lowers his arm
The flag is put in the shadow box along with the man’s achievements and awards
We all salute to a
Man who wanted joy for his children
A Man who traveled the world as an agent
A Man who served in the military
A Man who knew so much
Silence for the Man
The Man who was
Taken
Too
Soon
“Two.”
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
This poem was almost as if reading a story, a very fascinating story. Writing the exact day even make it seem more interesting. It's really amazing if you're able to create a vivid image in the reader's mind with just a few words, you did great.
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"I stay put
I watch the fire tower over and out of the box
I stare at it, eyes all aglow
My face is hot, red hot"
I love this part, it gives a feeling that is indescribable and yet very fascinating.
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The second part seems very sad. It's wonderful how you were able to mix such a deep emotion with words.
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"Silence for the Man
The Man who was
Taken
Too
Soon"
This part is just beautiful, it lets you know that everyone matters but everyone goes one time too.
You did a wonderful job.
All the best,
Rose
https://rosewriting12.blogspot.com/
Thank you!
I like this a lot.
The contrast between the two scenes is stellar. With the first scene, you really put in some vivid description. As a reader, I could almost feel the heat and see the glowing flame of the burning flag. And you put it in such few words. Wow! "Silence Stomp Silence Stomp" really gives the poem a sort of beat that I like. (Especially the repetition of the "s" sound.) Nice job!
Happy writing!
-Kaia
Thank you for the review! It really helps me keep wriing poems like this.
Glad to encourage a fellow writer!
Happy Writing!
-Kaia
I really like the "alright let's head back inside." That touched me as we can feel such profound experiences, feeling that fire and watching the flag burn, then it's just gone. Wanting to hang on to that feeling so much that you write a poem about it, you know? These poems were beautiful!
Thank you for the relating to what I wrote. I appreciate the kind words!