Gone 6/22/2004
I stare at him
His lifeless eyes stare back
Those not-so-old gray eyes shed a tear
His mouth opens
We all lean in, to listen what he might say
Nothing comes out
We all sigh
My mother holds his hand
What’s left of his other arm reaches out
He lays it on my leg, I look down
A slip of paper reading,
“Oh well, I guess this is it. I’ll see you all later.”
I cry, my gray eyes are watery same as him
His mouth opens
“Oh, Brian. It’s gonna be okay. I’ll be right there.”
He points his finger to my heart
He falls back onto the bed, his body limp
A soft, constant, beep fills the dead air
“Thank you for everything. Paul Middleton.”
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
This is a very moving poem. The description leaves such a sad yet delicate feeling. First of all,
"I stare at him
His lifeless eyes stare back"
This a wonderful opening. It sets the mood of the poem and hooks the reader with only two lines.
Next, "His mouth opens
We all lean in, to listen what he might say
Nothing comes out
We all sigh"
This a great use of showing, not telling. We can tell there is much anticipation as the family waits for the end to come, waits for him to say something, and is not really able to do anything but wait. Finally mentioning his grey, watery eyes in the beginning and mentioning the narrator's grey, watery eyes near the end is a great connection and wraps the poem in a full circle. This poem is really beautifully written and tells a heart-moving story in only a few lines. This is something many families go through, so not only is it a great story but it's also relatable. I couldn't help but think of my great-grandfather who passed in a similar manner near the end of 4th-grade years back (Though I wasn't there, they sent all the kids to play at my cousin's house the day it happened). This is a wonderfully written story, good job!
Thank you!
I like the use of 'gray eyes' in this piece. How it connects the two characters and yet further highlights how grey and dreary this whole event is. So full of melancholy. There is still an extremely subtle hint of bittersweetness that permeates this piece, from the letter to the dying character's last words, and I think that's important to show when discussing death and its finality.
Thank you!
I like the use of 'gray eyes' in this piece. How it connects the two characters and yet further highlights how grey and dreary this whole event is. So full of melancholy. There is still an extremely subtle hint of bittersweetness that permeates this piece, from the letter to the dying character's last words, and I think that's important to show when discussing death and its finality.