z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Experiences: Two

by TheCornDogEnthusiast


Bolton 3/15/2023

Shouting

The boys out yell out for scoops

We keep hitting the ball, throwing it up

One of them catches it

They wind up

BOOMP!

A boy gets out

The new scout is still in 

His first meeting

Maybe his first game

He's down in The Pit with the big kids

The seniors

The young boy is left with a older scout

An Eagle scout

He hits the ball as hard as he can

We cheer the kid's name, for he might be the first to beat a senior with such little preparing

And then he hits him

The senior sighs, looks up and gets out of The Pit

The young scout is unbelieved at what he did

We all congratulate him

"You shoulda seen him, man! He won his first night here!"

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211 Reviews

Points: 23158
Reviews: 211

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Wed Jun 14, 2023 10:05 pm
OrabellaAvenue wrote a review...



Hi! This is a random weirdo here to give you a short review.

This is a very short but interesting poem. Now, I don't know much about sports, but I'm assuming it's baseball? (Tell me if I'm wrong, and sorry if I am)

The young scout sure seems talented, especially with so little preparation. Going against older and more knowledgeable kids in sports is unnerving. (I draw from experience; I was once on a basketball team in a similar situation. We didn't have enough players and most of them were older. So was the other team.)

Only one thing I noticed that threw me off a little:

The young scout is unbelieved at what he did


I'm not sure unbelieved is a word. Even if it is, it sounds a little off. Try rephrasing?

In all, this is very well written, and the pace is excellent.

Keep writing!

Image






Thanks for the review! The sport is gaga ball which is a version of dodgeball. I've written chapters on here about a group of boys playing it at a camp.





Oh cool! I'll have to read them.



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Points: 40
Reviews: 4

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Tue Apr 18, 2023 7:20 pm
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Great work I’ve read experiences 3 and this is just as good another 5stars I love the consistent theme with scouts and it teaches that everyone can win if they try hard enough I’ve gotta say you’re an amazing writer it’s has an amazing feel like I’m in the characters shoes truly an amazing story this is underrated and deserves more attention




User avatar


Points: 40
Reviews: 4

Donate
Tue Apr 18, 2023 7:19 pm
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Headinthestars2525 wrote a review...



Great work I’ve read experiences 3 and this is just as good another 5stars I love the consistent theme with scouts and it teaches that everyone can win if they try hard enough I’ve gotta say you’re an amazing writer it’s has an amazing feel like I’m in the characters shoes truly an amazing story this is underrated and deserves more attention





You can't blame the writer for what the characters say.
— Truman Capote