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Young Writers Society

Experiences: Seven

by TheCornDogEnthusiast

Eighth 5/31/2023

Last day

It’s sad to leave

The place I’d hated

Now loved for what it had given me

A place to be

A place for fun

A home

A haven for memories to be cherished for decades

And it’s all over

Well, for some

For him

He’s going out of town

Not where we’re going

We won’t see him everyday like we used to

So she’s crying her eyes out

Her wet face in the hot sun

I comfort her as she wipes her tears on my jacket

She’ll miss him so much

Hell, I will too

We three hug

The little trio we have

The little trio we had

I get teary eyed, for the first time in a while

And he walks off, waving

Not to be gone, we’ll just see him later

Still crying, thinking she’ll never see him again, she cries,

“I’m gonna miss you so much, Gavin. Thank you for everything.”

“I’ll be around, no promises though.” 

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101 Reviews

Points: 1337
Reviews: 101

Thu Jun 01, 2023 2:26 pm
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momonster wrote a review...

hello! momo here with a review for you :)

i really like this poem! it's slightly sad, but captures the bittersweet feeling as well. it makes me think of graduating high school or college and saying goodbye, or a friend moving away from a place they've been for a while. i also really like how the first part of the poem is describing the place, and the rest is describing the people in the place.

one critique i have is punctuation. you only use punctuation at the very end of the poem, and i would advise either using punctuation on all lines or none at all, just to keep it consistent and clean.

overall this is a very well-written poem! i can see a lot of time and thought went into crafting this work.

keep writing,

TheCornDogEnthusiast says...

Thank you!

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195 Reviews

Points: 14082
Reviews: 195

Thu Jun 01, 2023 2:01 pm
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loveissourgrapes wrote a review...

Hey there! This is Ina aka loveissourgrapes and I am here to give your poem a review/comment. I love your series of the "Experiences: One, Two, Three, etc." Anyways, moving on to the review c:

I love how this one feels like a diary, writing about leaving an old place where you used to live in like your old hometown and neighborhood. You have a friend there named Gavin and I don't know if the girl you are talking about it a sister or another close friend who is moving out with you as well. Separating seems like a really painful thing though, especially when your bond with them is so good. I never experience this because I never made friends with kids in my old neighborhood because they're different from me.

The first few lines remind me of a dialogue of a coming of age film. Like where the main character moves out from their old neighborhood and had to part ways from a friend from a trio they belong to. And their other girl friend is crying and they comfort her. It also gives off summer vibes especially the line, "Her wet face in the hot sun" just gives off summer vibes the most.

Overall, I don't see anything mistake in the writing, grammar and spelling. Good job! Keep it up! Have a beautiful summer day/night c:

TheCornDogEnthusiast says...

Thank you!

loveissourgrapes says...

you're welcome!

“I am not worried, Harry," said Dumbledore, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing water. "I am with you.”
— Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince