Eighth 5/31/2023
Last day
It’s sad to leave
The place I’d hated
Now loved for what it had given me
A place to be
A place for fun
A home
A haven for memories to be cherished for decades
And it’s all over
Well, for some
For him
He’s going out of town
Not where we’re going
We won’t see him everyday like we used to
So she’s crying her eyes out
Her wet face in the hot sun
I comfort her as she wipes her tears on my jacket
She’ll miss him so much
Hell, I will too
We three hug
The little trio we have
The little trio we had
I get teary eyed, for the first time in a while
And he walks off, waving
Not to be gone, we’ll just see him later
Still crying, thinking she’ll never see him again, she cries,
“I’m gonna miss you so much, Gavin. Thank you for everything.”
“I’ll be around, no promises though.”
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140,166 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
hello! momo here with a review for you :)
i really like this poem! it's slightly sad, but captures the bittersweet feeling as well. it makes me think of graduating high school or college and saying goodbye, or a friend moving away from a place they've been for a while. i also really like how the first part of the poem is describing the place, and the rest is describing the people in the place.
one critique i have is punctuation. you only use punctuation at the very end of the poem, and i would advise either using punctuation on all lines or none at all, just to keep it consistent and clean.
overall this is a very well-written poem! i can see a lot of time and thought went into crafting this work.
keep writing,
momo
Thank you!
Hey there! This is Ina aka loveissourgrapes and I am here to give your poem a review/comment. I love your series of the "Experiences: One, Two, Three, etc." Anyways, moving on to the review c:
I love how this one feels like a diary, writing about leaving an old place where you used to live in like your old hometown and neighborhood. You have a friend there named Gavin and I don't know if the girl you are talking about it a sister or another close friend who is moving out with you as well. Separating seems like a really painful thing though, especially when your bond with them is so good. I never experience this because I never made friends with kids in my old neighborhood because they're different from me.
The first few lines remind me of a dialogue of a coming of age film. Like where the main character moves out from their old neighborhood and had to part ways from a friend from a trio they belong to. And their other girl friend is crying and they comfort her. It also gives off summer vibes especially the line, "Her wet face in the hot sun" just gives off summer vibes the most.
Overall, I don't see anything mistake in the writing, grammar and spelling. Good job! Keep it up! Have a beautiful summer day/night c:
Thank you!
you're welcome!