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Chapter 2
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Candice sat on the edge of her new bed, holding her a book in her hand.
A knock came to her door, and she glanced at her clock. Why would someone come to her at this time? And who would it be?
Candice placed her book upside down on her bed, and stood up carefully.
Would it be Andrea?
She crept over to the door, and edged it open.
A tall boy stood there, his blonde hair swept over his left eye.
" Are you Candice Pyne?" he asked slowly, and Candice opened the door fully.
" Um, yes...why?".
The boy smiled at her, and passed her an envelope.
" Andrea really doesn't like to loose" he spoke, walking off.
Candice watched him walk down the corridor, and around he corner.
That was strange.
But he was still hot.
She shut the door, and sat back on her bed.
She peeled open the envelope, and peeked inside. There was a small note hiding at the bottom, and she sighed.
" Great. An Andrea death threat. On my FIRST day".
She pulled the small note out from the bottom, and open it.
Loser,
your really gonna pay. I don't care if you die during the proces, but, it'll be don.
watch you bac.
Andrea Martin.
"Huh" Candice sighed.
Andrea wasn't really bad at anything, but, spelling was a problem.
Candice was surprised she could spell her own name, let alone spell Back.
She slid the note back into the envelope, and chucked the letter in the small waste-paper basket.
Candice flopped down on her bed, and picked up her book.
She skimmed the page, and dropped her book on the floor.
I'm going to write a reply, she thought eagerly, and grabbed a pen and paper from her small bedside table.
Candice awoke bright and early, finding the bright sun a little too bright.
It was Saturday morning, and she was glad.
She didn't really know what to do, so she decided to have a shower and get changed. She hopped into the nice warm shower, letting the hot water drip down her; it was pretty soothing. She washed her hair well, and stepped out. She'd chosen safe clothes :
A long T-shirt ( Lilac) with a small, white bunny on the front,
Skinny jeans ( Blue)
a small waist coat (denim) and
sneakers (black).
She slipped on her sneakers, and grabbed her keys.
She shut her door, and locked it.
She decided to explore a little, find the cafe and get some breakfast.
Candice made her way down the stairs, and suddenly, heard furious whispering.
" Think she got my note?".
Uh, Andrea.
" Yes" Candice butted in.
Andrea and her minions spun round.
" So, little girl, did you enjoy?" she asked sarcastically.
" Yes, very much, I thought it was tremendously sweet".
Andrea slapped her hard around the face.
" How was that?".
Candice laughed, even though her cheek was practically on fire.
" Even better".
Candice walked around Andrea, and carried on down the stairs.
" Catch you later".
Andrea laughed.
" Yeah, I'll be the one catching you".
" Not even funny" Candice moaned under her breath. She carried on down the stairs, all the way to the bottom, and she opened the door in front of her. The door lead down a series of corridors, and Candice took the one leading to the big cafe.
She walked though the doors, and looked around.
The cafe was extremely crowded, not a single table left. Most people were standing around corners, or walking back outside.
Candice didn't really know what to order.
Mocha and a Bagel?
Yeah, why not, she thought hungrily.
She wondered over to the large queue, and waited patiently. As she was ready to order, someone pushed her out the way.
" Move it, pest" a voice told her.
Candice stood up, and looked Andrea in the eye.
" You, are rude. It's not cool to bully people, or push people out the way. Your the pest, the one you can't get rid of" Candice replied, and Andrea crossed her arms.
" You wait, Pyne. You just wait".
" I have been. Since yesterday. I've been waiting. But you haven't done anything. Got to hell".
Andrea lashed out, badly.
She grabbed Candice's lush, red hair, and yanked at it. She kneed Candice in the head, and made her nose bleed. Candice freed herself, and kicked Andrea in the back, sending her flying across the room, and landing on the cafe floor.
" You'll pay real bad!" Andrea spoke weakly, and her eye's shut slowly.
Candice made her way back up the stairs, watching herself.
Maybe Andrea wasn't kidding in her note.
Maybe she would kill Candice.
Candice bumped into the boy she'd spoken to yesterday.
" Sorry" she mumbled.
He nodded.
" Hey, your Candice, is that right?".
Candice nodded, and looked up at him.
" I didn't catch your name" she smiled, and he laughed.
" That's 'coz I didn't give it to you".
Smart.
Candice blushed slightly.
But for some reason, he didn't seem to bother. He began to tell her everything he knew about the school, and before she knew it, they were sitting outside in the sun, on one of the Collage's benches chatting about Quentin Physics.
" Do you get it?".
He nodded, laughing slowly.
" Your pretty smart, aren't you?"
" Depends what your talking about" she challenged, and he smiled.
" I like you".
" That's always a good thing".
He once again smiled at her, but through his, big brown eyes.
" So, what do you like about this school, then?" he asked sweetly, and she cracked a smile.
" Can I say nothing?"
" Ha, well, didn't say you couldn't".
She nodded, looking up to the sun.
" It's blumming hot" she sighed, and he agreed.
" Hey, wanna go to town today? I can show you around Grenton?".
" Yeah, why not? I haven't really had much time to explore. As long as we don't bump into Andrea, I'm cool with it" she replied, and he looked over to the school.
" It's a big school, Andrea could be anywhere. She won't wanna follow us" he agreed, and stood up, holding his hand out for Candice. She took it gracefully, and a random image flashed in front of her.
An image of a pool of blood?
Candice snapped her hand away, and realized what she'd just done.
" Sorry, electric shot".
" I didn't feel anything" he replied, and they both walked back towards the school.
Candice grabbed her bag off the back of the door, and filled it with her iPod and her purse.
" Ready?" he asked, and Candice paused.
" I still don't know your name..."
" Brendon Hanes" he replied, and she smiled.
Wow, that was deep...
" Cool".
Brendon helped her into his car, and they drove off around town. He drove round a corner, and into a car park. It was pretty deserted, apart form a few Caddies like his.
" We walk from here" he whispered, and Candice frowned.
" Why are you whispering, and why are you treating this like some kind of horror movie?" she asked, demanding a sensible reply.
" It doesn't matter. Just do as I say, though".
" No, I want an answer!".
That sounded a lot less spoilt in her head.
" Well you not getting one!" he hissed.
She frowned.
" The last thing I want to do is tell you there are Vampire's in this town..."
Candice's eye's widened.
" You've just told me".
" Shoot!".
Candice swallowed hard.
" There's someone behind you.." she tried to tell him as quietly as she could.
" Wh..-"
It was to late.
Brendon was being dragged off by a man with black hair, and cowboy boots.
" LET HIM GO!" Candice screamed, but his fangs snapped out of his mouth, and he hissed.
Why did Candice ruin nearly everyone's lives?
I hope this wasn't too long!
Please comment! (If your still here)!
End of chapter
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Hi, I can't believe how much this has improved from your first chapter! It could still really do with a decent proof read as I spotted a few grammar and spelling mistakes, but other than that this is a really great read. I'd still like to know a little more about Andrea's past,but I'm sure all will be revealed in later chapters. I think this is about the right length for a chapter, so don't worry about that too much.

Again, the violence seemed to come very quickly with very little build up of tension, so it could do with some more detail in that part. The same with the introduction to the vampires- it all seemed a bit hurried and matter-of-fact.
It really reminded me of a series of books called 'Morganville Vampires' because thats about a girl who studies physics starting a new college in a town of vampires. I don't know if you've read the series and got inspired? Anyway, it's not a negative exactly, but it's important to try and make your story unique. Vampires have been written about a lot so make sure to differentiate your story from the crowd.
I love how Candice's character is coming along, and some of the short sentences you use are really effective (although more variation in sentences would be great). The dialogue between Candice and Brendon is great and Candice's sarcastic thoughts are really funny. You've got loads more little details than in the first chapter which is really good because it keeps things interesting and allows the reader to picture the scene. Your story is definitely coming along well and I can't wait to read the next chapter. Your writing style is very entertaining, I could never of written something like this when I was 12, keep it up!
OMG! I have Black Dawn, and I have nearly finished it. Your right, this is what inspired me.
Thank You for reading and commenting/reviewing. I hope to hear more from you in the future.
Sorry if it seems strange, I copied an pasted it form my Word Pad thing.