Mindless Chapter 1

I guess I'll go by your mistakes one by one... Don't be rude to monstergirl. She's giving you criticism, and if you can't handle it, then don't bother posting your writing if all you expect is praise.

High School should not be capitalized on the second word. Did she go to school at all? Why didn't she have any parents? Did she live with some sort of guardian?

"They didn't want me to join for a Year, just to see if I would settle at home."

I think that they would want her to start school right away. That way she can settle in faster. People need routines. "Year" is not capitalized.

I did, but I was bored. I wanted to get out, Learn properly, and make friends. That was what an average 16 Year Old did, right?

"Year Old" should be like this: 16-year old Well, it depends on the teenager's personality and it also depends on their school. High school demands more of their students than middle school, and there is less time to be social if they want to get into a good college.

I stared at the large Brown doors for a couple of seconds, too nervous to push them open. I could hear the slamming of Lockers, and pupils chatting. "Brown"--brown "Lockers"-lockers Also, try describing the school more. What kind of people go there? Is the school well-known? Is it modern or old?

Was it because I was new.<--This should have a question mark. Also, some friendly students should go up to her and ask her where she's from and what's her name and etc.

I doubt it, I thought funnily, and smiled.

Funnily? How is it funny?

People turned back, and carried on closing their lockers, and helping there friends.
"Smiler" someone whispered, as they walked past me. I spun round, and looked after them, but ho ever they were, they were gone.

"There" should be their. "Whispered" should not have a comma after it, and "round" can be around if that was your intention. "Ho ever" should be whoever.

"Hey Smiler, you're new, yes?". <--No period, and I think you can leave out the first comma in that sentence.

I spun round in my seat, and faced to kind looking faces.

How did the faces look kind?

A boy, pretty thin, and freckles at the side of his face. He didn't look geeky though, he looked...Nice. Popular, in other words.
The girl was a Goth, or emo, and she looked pretty friendly to.

The first sentence sounds awkward. It needs to flow better. How can someone look popular or nice? Please describe.

There's a difference between goth and emo. Goth should not be capitalized, and "to" should be too.

" Yes, I'm new".

I should have said this earlier, but there's no need for a space between the quotation marks and the first word nor there is there a need for a period after them. Periods should stay within the quotation marks.

The girl hit him round the arm.

The use of the word "round" sounds awkward.

" Sorry. His last name is literally Dickson, so it's pretty handy. Anyway, I'm Mandy. My friend here is Will, and... yeah. Nice to meet you".
I nodded, and turned back to the front.
Wow, new friends already...

The first two sentences rhyme, so it sounds odd. I would suggest that you change the last word of the first sentence. I don't even know what the main character's name is...
She's deluded. Those are just people she met, not friends.

Overall, you need to work on punctuation, detail, and your characters and how they interact.

Wow, you have so many novels happening at once! Good work! XD

Quite good for 12 if I might say. Keep it up =D

No-one listen to monster writer, she's rude

I will not point out your mistakes one by one, I will leave you to figure out what you did wrong.
First of all, you capitalized unnecessary things.

The story failed to draw my attention. I failed to spark my imagination. However when the next part is out post in on my wall.