Though he couldn't read, Marcus recognized the red shield of the Salvation Army. He tugged open the door and stepped inside.
Mica followed him a few steps behind. She let out a plaintive meow as the door closed.
"Who's there?" Brian, the old manager, peered short-sightedly at them. "Oh, it's Marcus. And the cat is..."
"Mica," he replied. Brian smiled and held out his hand to Mica.
She sniffed it, decided she liked Brian, and began purring.
"This is quite a friendly cat. Where did you find her?"
"In an alley," Marcus replied. He felt a sudden wave of good feeling towards the old man.
Surprised, he looked from Mica to Brian, then back. "Weird," he muttered.
"Well," the old man said, "let's get you both some food. She looks ready to fall apart next time the wind blows her way."
The goodwill went up a notch, along with Mica's purring.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
You're very good with small descriptions, I've noticed. However, maybe go in depth.
What does the inside of the building look like? What does Brian look like?
Has this boy met Brian before to get such warm feelings from the man? And, this boy has just met Brian, and the boy Marcus already has good feelings towards this old man.
Maybe try to show Marcus more clearly through the eyes of the old man, if you want to aim towards characterization.
Why is Marcus at the Salvation Army? For the cat? For himself? Why is Marcus on the street?
Answer these questions, and you're golden. Keep it up!
Amazing, the chapters aren't long at all, but they say so much! Actually I like shorter chapters better, easier to read and process. NICE ONE
He he, Mica is empathic. I shall put more of this in later.
I like this, it's short and simple but it says alot in not-very-many words. It's easy to understand, which is good, as I havn't read ch1.
A few things which could do with changing.
Brian just asked a question, and then he answers, 'Marcus replied' would make more sense.
And also it seams as if he is holding out his hand to Marcus, maybe or something like that.
I don't get that bit, it's fine I just don't get it.
All in all I really like it.