Cam
It's good to see daylight.
I've been blind for seven months, or so Mother says. She and Father tell us how proud they are often.
Chacen and Fate have opened their eyes, too. Fate keeps saying things like, "Sight feels so good!"
Chacen is... odd. He doens't speak much, and when he does, it's hard to understand. He once asked me, "Why d'you think we have four claws on our feet and only three on our hands?"
Search me.
**
Fate
Oh, scratch Chancen! Cam is more fun; he plays "rough-and-tumble" whenever I ask him. Maybe he's being nice to his only sister.
Chase will just mutter something and turn away. I wonder if he likes me; I hope so.
**
Chacen
It's rough, having such a weak voice.
Liana always says it's a blesing. "If you listen twice as much as you talk," she'll tell me, "you'll learn twice as much. Keep those ears open, Chase."
I do, and it's surprising what I hear. The tribe's given up on Avari and Chaz; they have to be wrong! I don't want to miss meeting my grandfather.
**
Cam
Whew! That was a good game. We're both sweating an grinning like fools.
Even Chacen joined in this time. He's gotten strong; it took me and Fate to pin him. "You win," he says.
"Geez, you sound blue. What is it?"
Chase shakes his head. "They aren't coming back," he says.
"Who?" Fate and I ask.
"Grandfather and Chaz; the hatchlings too." He sniffs away a tear. "They would've been our cousins."
I rub my head in the orange-and-black fur of his chest. "What makes you think so?"
"It's been months. Either Avari got killed, or he ran away."
"No!" Fate snarls. "Granddad would never run away from us!"
**
Fate
I hope I'm right; I hate the though of Granddad being a coward.
Our cousins... what would they look like? Dad told us dragons could have as many as twelve hatchlings. Twelve!
Anyway, I hope they're alive.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Pretty confusing in the beginning, I thought they were humans. I think you handled their different personalities very well. I don't think readers would get the characters mixed up.
But I think it lacks a lot of detail. When/where are they? I see them just floating in space.
Anyways, this was pretty interesting. It held my attention long enough, but I think you could make it better with more description...a lot more description.
This is very interesting. I like the way you've written this, dear; the layout is somewhat complicated, but logical and easy to follow.
Search me. I don't like this, but that's really the only negative comment I have about this piece ^^
I think you should continue this (Are you planning to?) because I found it quite fascinating. They sound adorable, and the way you show their individual opinions makes each of them easy to relate to.
Well done!
PM me for anything!
XxxDo
Hi I'm surprised no-one has reviewed this! I found it very interesting, at first a little confusing but that just made me want to read more
- I like how it switches between Cam, Fate and Chacen's perspectives and how the story slowly develops. Are you planning on continueing with this? I hope you do! I could only find a couple of thing that could be improved upon:
When you wrote about Chacen you sometimes referred to him as Chase which I at first found a bit confusing- especially as you mention another character called chaz. I think it was the spelling that confused me- if you referred to him as 'chace' it would make more sense. (Although I do easily confuse)
Tribe doesn't sound right to me when referring to dragons, I'm not sure what would be right though :S you could just write 'they've all given up'.
though needs a t on the end.
I thought this was a bit of a weak ending sentence- I think it was the anyway. Something like 'I do hope they're alive' might be better.
I couldn't find anything else that I thought could be improved, I thought it was very well written and I hope you write more!