Winter isn't the best time for growing up. That's true whether you're a human or an alley cat.
My name, or one of them, is Patch. I've had many names. I'm a wild cat, born and bred.
I stand here, facing the wind, and remember my first day. That was five years ago.
Cold! That's the first thing I felt. Freezing, nail-biting cold!
Then I was against Mother's side, and it didn't matter. I snuggled up and felt the shudder as my brother was born.
"Ah, two fine toms," she muttered.
I became suddenly interested in one thing: food! Nails, that's my brother, scrambled over me. He had the same thing in mind.
We both had our fill, then settled down to sleep, purring for the first time.
The next day, I was woken by a paw in my stomach. I snapped at it and heard a squeal. That wasn't Nails! I shook my head.
"Heey," the little ginger snapped.
"Who're you?"
"What d'you think? I'm your sister Red!"
I stared blankly at her.
"C'mon, what's your name?"
"What's 'name'?"
"Who you are," said Mother. "You're Dapple."
I rolled it around in my mouth. "I like it! I'm Dapple!"
Both of them laughed. I tried to look hurt, but that's hard when you haven't used your muscles in a whole night.
I heard a little sound and turned to see my brother. "Hi," I said. "What's your name?"
He made another little sound.
"That's Nails. He can't talk."
I later learned that Nails was what they call "mute."
End of chapter
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139,521 Literary Works • 672,597 Reviews
Hmmm, I liked this. I agree with Kitty..... mostly. I actually didn't care for the first paragraph much, it was to straightforward. (I am this, I am that)
But other than that, this was interesting, and the kindof story that I like to read. Let me know if you post more, cus I'd like to read them.
Thanks, Kitty. I'll take your suggestion to heart. And thanks for letting me know what you think.
Writing from the point of view of a cat is interesting and the idea intrigues me but I think this could have been better. Consider the five senses when you're writing this. What can the cat smell, what can the cat feel, see, hear, taste. That should help you improve your description of the setting. I did like your introduction though. Those first two lines are very nice and you should expand upon them but the third line... well I'll get to that in just a second. Here's a few specific suggestion -
That's true whether you're a human [s]of[/s] or an alley cat.
It all started one night... [Here we are. Now, this is used much too often and it's bland, it's boring, it's just not the best way to enter the flash back. Perhaps have a scene from the cat's current life first - searching for food or something similar - and then you could draw a parallel between the present and the past. Like maybe it's cold so you could write something like - 'I shivered. I had not been this cold in a long time and I felt a strong desire for the warmth of my mother. It had been cold the day I met her too. Cold! That's the first thing...' - do you see what I mean?]
I became [s]suddnely[/s] suddenly interested in one thing: food!
Overall, a good idea and not a bad start but expand on it and go into more detail.