Marcus shivered and pulled up the hood of his jacket. The wind was merciless, hurling snow and ice in his face.
He was tall for his age, with long limbs and a face scarred from years of life on the streets. His eyes were like chips of gray marble. As he stood there, he thought he heard a faint meow. He looked around and saw nothing but white snow, gray concrete and red brick.
"Meeow!" he heard.
A tabby, rake thin, slunk out of an alley. Its fur was short and wiry, sort of a dirty-tan color.
"Hello there," he said, his voice hoarse from the cold.
The cat looked up at him with unwavering eyes. Then it stepped forward and rubbed itself against his leg.
"Good cat. Nice cat," he said, bending down to pet it. The cat purred.
Marcus decided, then and there, that he would keep her. "And I'll call you Mica," he told her softly.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Awww why does it have to be so short?
That's the only thing I can say and I was really starting to enjoy this. Don't keep your chapters so short
This is kinda short, and all I can say for now is:
Well done.
I like the descriptions you've written, and they're vividly shown.
However, the boy. Why would he decide so quickly to take a cat into his care? He doesn't care about what his mom might say (exm. he sounds like he doesn't have one since he lives on the streets), or doesn't think about paying expenses (goodness! I am running low on cash....maybe I can find some scraps from that nice MR. Hicksby down the street...or something like that).
What about the cat intrigues this boy so much to the point he has to keep it?
After you've fixed that, this chapter is good to go.
Keep up the good work. I'd like to see where this story is heading.
good points!
The idea, so far, is unique and interesting. Your sentece structures are nice and the story flows smoothly.
not so good points
it was short.
sugeatrions
you need to add more deatil. However, do not just tell details, "do detailsl"
such as when you describe him
say
He had the bend his tall body into the wind.his loang dangaly arms wrapped around himself to keep his jacket from flapping in the wind. His eyes, like chips of grey marble were bare slits trying to keep the wind from drying them out.
i am not saying that ios perfgect, but try to do someothing like that, i doint know, but i got to stdy for a test. more later, bye.
good points!
The idea, so far, is unique and interesting. Your sentece structures are nice and the story flows smoothly.
not so good points
it was short.
sugeatrions
you need to add more deatil. However, do not just tell details, "do detailsl"
such as when you describe him
say
He had the bend his tall body into the wind.his loang dangaly arms wrapped around himself to keep his jacket from flapping in the wind. His eyes, like chips of grey marble were bare slits trying to keep the wind from drying them out.
i am not saying that ios perfgect, but try to do someothing like that, i doint know, but i got to stdy for a test. more later, bye.
hhmmm...I can't critique it properly or give you any constructive advice because it's so short.
However, I think you should use more detail the setting; I get the feeling it takes place on the streets or in an alleyway, but I don't know much else.
I liked your use of descriptive language;
"He was tall for his age, with long limbs and a face scarred from years of life on the streets. His eyes were like chips of gray marble."
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I really liked that sentence! Nice wording there ^^
Anyways, I'll be waiting for more so I can give you a proper review!