My first sight of a car was two days later. I was wandering, and found myself standing by a long gray trail. There were tall things along it with harsh yellow lights on top. And what was that smell? Ugh!
A big, shiny red beast blazed past. It honked, and I shrank back. The thing looked straight ahead, though, and its eyes gleamed.
"Dapple, get back here!" Mother urged me.
I didn't have to be told twice. I just ran, burying my face in her belly. "Wh-what was th-that?" I stammered.
"A car," she replied.
"It scared me," I whimpered.
"Shh, don't fuss. They never leave the trail."
Red popped out from behind a crate. "What's up?"
"A car," I said. "Don't go near it."
She nodded solemnly and went to chase snowflakes.
The rest of that day, I stayed close to home.
Nails, who wasn't bothered by being mute, played with me and Red. He kept whisking his tail in our faces, then pulling it away.
Red finally caught it. She lost interest and went to chase a rat.
After that we settled down.
Something was pulling at me. I heard a high voice, saying something.
I bolted awake. There was a big blue paw in my face! With a snap I caught it. To my shock, it came off!
The creature said something, pointing at its paw. It had another one underneath, only this was skinny and had five long claws.
The mother shook her head. She told her kitten something, and it backed away.
They both turned the corner and were gone. I wondered what those creatures were.
The little one seemed all right.
"What are they called?" I asked Mother.
"People," she said.
Fixed that a little, I guess he wouldn't know what the girl was saying.
End of chapter
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139,521 Literary Works • 672,597 Reviews
Oops, yeah, I didn't get that. Reading it again, I see how it is, but it is still confusing.
Sorry about that!
She's referring to this - The mother shook her head. She told her kitten something, and it backed away. - and I was a touch confused at first but then I realised that you was referring to the people. Maybe clear it up a touch though?
What do you mean, switched to third person? I can't spot a mistake.
Hmm, again, I liked this. One thing I noticed was that you switched from first person to thrid person in the last paragraph. I also found the dialogue to be kinda stereotypic; pretty much all of it has been used before, numerous times. But your writing is good, and so is the plotline.
Again, you need to expand on your description but the meetings between the kitten and the car and the kitten and the people were good. You have some nice dialogue too and this was generally well written. Perhaps you should mention that it is snowing earlier and have a snowflake land on the kitten's head or something so that you can describe how cold it is and how you can't touch them. That might be an interesting area to persue. Also, one typo -
The creature said something, pointing at its paw.