Young Writers Society

Hello StealTheWorld! ^___^ It's me, ILoveBooks ready to review one of your awesome poem on Review day. Whoa, so that's one long poem but it was actually fun to read it.

Anyway I forgot to tell you...

Happy Review Day!

Yeah I like to greet peo poo le like that and such.

First of all congratulation for making a poem here in YWS. It wasn't your first try but this is the first time I saw your poem. And I am glad that I stop by and read your masterpiece. So this are the kind of poems I wanna read because seriously, they really spoke to me and actually inspire me on writing stuff. They actually give me hope to keep moving forward on doing stuff. Even if the poem is a bit dark and such. I am the kind of person who really thought of bad things and going on a wrong path and one of your poem caught ny attention to read and give me ways to actually become positive about stuff to twll you the truth.

I can relate to your depressive poem. I was actually wondering if you actually feel depress that's why you are writing something like this or you just want to write something pretty dark that actually can relate to other people. I suffer a l ot of anxiety and depression and no one actually knows about it. And when I wrote poems that are dark I ended up being bitter instead. And when I read this I almost cry because this show so much emotions for me.

Your poem is incredible. It spoke to me Like a person.

I love your poem structure and the rhythm. It give the simple flow but yet wonderful one. It give so much and big emotions to readers like me. So yeah that's a mega plus point to be honest.

When I read the beginning I was already caught and hooked. Like it won't stop me from reading. Your words of choice are amazing.

"One cut. Two cuts. Three cuts. Four." Are the one really caught me. I thought I was in the poem itself.

Anyway thats all for now. Ihope you write more like this that inspire other readers and writers like me on writing poems like this keep it up and well done.

Hapoy Review Day!

-ILoveBooks

Hey StealTheWorld :3 BornLoser is here to review your goodie good poem ^.^

First off, thank you for writing this. I look through YWS for poems I can keep in a little book so that if I'm ever down I can read them to help me, and to stop me from making bad decisions. I can relate deeply with this poem, as I have self-harmed since the age of twelve. Some of my inflictions weren't visible, but they were there. I just found really good ways of hiding them.

I can also relate to the depression aspect of this poem. I suffer from depression, and it's a horrible, horrible thing. What you've wrote in this poem is what I sometimes similarly think when hurting myself when in my worst depressed state. It touches me deeply and almost brought me to tears.

Your poem is beautiful :')

I love the rhythm and structure of the poem. It all comes together nicely and the flow of it is really good. The first four lines are what hooked me into reading the rest of the poem:

One cut
Two cuts
Three cuts
Four

I've seen a poem very similar in rhythm to this. It was about cutting and had the: One cut, two cut, etc. But this was much better and more in depth. The thing I love is that you made the "Two cuts" and so on plural, because the other author didn't do that. This is also relatable, It's good to explain how you feel while you do these things. And it's great to relate with your audience. No bad comments, I loved it. ^.^

This is a great poem
Not many people have the courage to write about self-harm
You were very straight forward
You didn't hide how self-harm is
That's how you really feel when you're cutting
Then at the end of poem you gave people hope and that's what I really need right now
So thanks for posting

This is a creapy poem, and like the last one has a sort of nursery rhyme feel to it, that in a way makes it sadder. Lines such as "One cut. Two cuts. Three cuts. Four." mirror the childhood counting, like "One, Two buckle my shoe," if you have heard that nursery rhyme.
The last line is one of your most effective, as it relates to the repeated phrase, and leaves the reader on a demi-cliff hanger.
Hope this helps
Take That You Fiend!

I'd quite like to um ... thank you for writing this because I have a friend who used to cut and I find it really understand what's going on inside her head and you've made this really relatable. Like, the whole thing with

"Grit your teeth and stop the tears.

Shoulders hunched, face your fears."

It sort of felt like you were being ordered to do it, like you feel sort of duty-bound. I loved the dark atmosphere and you're really brave because this could have become slightly cliché but it didn't because you did it very well so well done and if this is about you (and I'd assume it is, if it's not I'm sorry) stay strong.

Merry Christmas.

Hey there! AlexSushiDog here to review your poem!
First off, I respect you for choosing to write about this subject, it can be hard to write about topics like these but I think you pulled it off extremely well! I loved the rhythm and the rhyming patterns, it gave it a strong beat and a feeling of repetition (ie. the cuts).
I agree with Xanthe in that the phrase:

One cut.

Two cuts.

Three cuts.

Four.

Hey, Xanthe here.

This poem, to be honest, made me cry... I have many friends who cut and I could relate perfectly to it because I am fighting cutting right now. It helped me a lot, so thank you for posting this.

You managed to paint a strong picture in people's minds and the rhyming was great. You can tell from the title and imagery exactly what's going on.

The lines,
"Make one cut.
Two cuts.
Three cuts.
Four"
are really good cause to me it shows a lack of control, and the whole poem shows a person who is both struggling and fighting cutting and I guess it just generally shows people who do cut that they aren't the only ones going through this.

Again, thank you for posting this. Keep writing.

This piece is obviously emotional. The title hints at the theme perfectly.
I'm pleased that give you the reader a warning before they read the piece, however, I think the way you have presented the theme of the material stops it from being too disturbing.
For example:
'Sit in bed, close your eyes.

Block out all the silent cries. '

The way the lines rhyme prevents the ideas from freefalling into the mind of the reader as an obscene mess. For such a messy, unstructured topic, the fact that your poem is controlled stops it from being too scarring.

Although, I admire the use of graphic imagery in some of the lines:

'Guilt and remorse on your back.

Stabbing repeatedly, hack after hack.'

It really leaves a strong image in the reader's mind about what this person is going through and doing to themselves.

Great job.

Kudos on this piece.

Hello there xDarkHeart27x! It's me, The Yubster!

This poem really helped me. I have a close friend who recently opened up to me about their cutting. She's cut herself so many times and she doesn't know what to do anymore. Of course, I told an adult and she's receiving psychological help. I feel like I can relate to her more. I could already relate to her, having been a sort of cutter, two years ago when I was in grade seven. But, I can feel the darkness that resides with in her mind, feel the pain she goes through.

The rhyme is nearly perfect and it gives a dark feeling to the poem. It gave me chills and brought back memories.

This is a really good poem. The way you repeat the "One cut, Two cuts, etc. really made the poem come alive and it was a nice way to wrap it up at the end, talking about the number four again. It seems to be the magic number of this poem.

This, for me, is a very hard topic to convey my emotions about. I've had experience with it and my friend is struggling hard to win her battles. But I've only written one poem of the subject, and I'm never going to finish it. You perfectly and flawlessly captured every emotion I could never get out onto the page.

I really can't say anything except, this was amazing. A lot of teenagers these days experiment with self-harm and things, but it really is sad, sad, sad. I want to bear-hug each and everyone of them and tell them that everything is going to be okay.

Thank-you for this poem. It means a lot to me.

yubbies21

Hello!
This is going to sound creepy, however I enjoyed your poem. I was drawn into your poem. I actually can relate to your poem. I used to be a cutter in high school. This poem represent the feelings one can feel when they cut. For me I thought it gave me a sense of control.

The rhyming in your poem is perfect and the whole thing flows as you read it. I think this would be a good poem to help educate others. Or to share with other people who are hurting on the inside, they are not alone, and someone out there cares.

Good Job and keep writing.

Hello, I am here do a review.
Well firstly, wow, rhyming plus imagery definitely two thumbs up.
I really like it, it is definitely one of the saddest poems I have seen in a while.
Where do you get your motivation to write such sad pieces?
I hope this is just a poem you made and not something you went through.
Anyways, I love this part, "Your voice is weary, your eyes are worn.
Stare in the mirror, your emotions are torn."
I don't really have a definite reason why I like it. But all in all I like the whole poem!
Keep up the good poetry skills! < 3

-panda

This is so beautiful and sad and perfect and depressing and lovely all at the same time. You really used the rhyming to your advantage (this my friends is how you rhyme.) There were a few place where your rhythm was thrown off, such as,

Guilt and remorse on your back.

Stare in the mirror, your emotions are torn.

Red, red, crimson on skin.

Fighting the monster that thrives within.

Sleep, child, sleep. From dusk until dawn

I agree with shinethroughthedark. This poem is absolutely perfect. It is accurate, it has feeling, it is honest. I really think you have done a good job. Keep writing, please.

I have absolutely no criticism.
I believe that your poem is perfect, in every single way.
A lot of people can relate, I know I can. And the way you detailed the poem, great.
I think you're a great writer, and you have a lot of potential.
Although, there might have been a few words in a sentence that I have seen in others, yours comes together quite well.
I think that's all I have to say.
You did a really good job!
Keep writing!
Looking forward to reading more.

I'm not going to review this because I honestly think you captured the scene perfectly. I loved your idea of counting to four. This bit, however, described everything very accurately:

Stare at blank walls, hum a sad tune.

Watch and wait as sorrow fills the room.

Red, red, crimson on skin.

Fighting the monster that thrives within.

Whisper a prayer, wish me good night.

Gather your bearings and hold on tight.

Sleep, child, sleep. From dusk until dawn.

Don't wake up until the sadness is gone.

Open your eyes, sink to the floor.

Pull out your razor and count to four.

This is how I feel like what I feel like the poem could be if it were to flow easier and have a heavier impact upon the reader. I hope I don't feel pushy with the changes that I would recommend.

One cut.

Two cuts.

Three cuts.

Four.
-------NOTE: I feel like the fact that you go from counting the cuts just down to the number, feels like it makes it stranger. The absence of the word cut will help it flow easier into the actual poem.-----

Hurt me once, I'll make two more.

Sit in bed, close your eyes.

Block out all the silent cries.

Pinch your skin, still alive.

Breathing hard, pain arrives.

Stomach churning, slice your skin.

Watch in wonder as the room starts to spin.

Trace your scars, make some more.

One cut.

Two cuts.

Three cuts.

Four.
-------NOTE: I feel like the fact that you go from counting the cuts just down to the number, feels like it makes it stranger. The absence of the word cut will help it flow easier into the actual poem.-----

Grit your teeth-
and stop the tears.

Shoulders hunched-
face your fears.

Guilt and remorse on your back.

Stabbing repeatedly-
hack after hack.

Priorities missing-
lost in thought.

Dreaming of everything you're not.

Your voice is weary-
your eyes are worn.

Stare in the mirror-
your emotions are torn.

Pull out the blade, lock the door.

Make one cut.

Two cuts.

Three cuts.

Four.
-------NOTE: I feel like the fact that you go from counting the cuts just down to the number, feels like it makes it stranger. The absence of the word cut will help it flow easier into the actual poem.-----

Stare at blank walls-
hum a sad tune.

Watch and wait as sorrow fills the room.

Red, red, crimson on skin.

Fighting the monster that thrives within.

Whisper a prayer-
wish me good night.

Gather your bearings and hold on tight.

Sleep, child, sleep.
From dusk until dawn.

Don't wake up until the sadness is gone.

Open your eyes, sink to the floor.

Pull out your razor and count to four.

Wow, this poem is a beauty in a very raw way. You do well at conveying feelings through actions. If you want to take this poem further, I'd suggest trying to incorporate imagery while expressing the character's emotions.
The pattern, and most dominantly, the rhythm flow very well. However, it kind of halts on the tongue when you come to this line:
"Stabbing repeatedly, hack after hack."
Stabbing repeatedly holds a considerably more amount of syllables compared to your other lines. The previous lines have short words, like fragments, at the beginning of the phrase.
Also, although this is a very strong poem, I find some lines throughout that are overused such as "Fighting the monster that thrives within". What I mean by this, is that in a lot of poetry related to self-harm, phrases such as "a monster" appear often. Try making your poem as unique as possible!
I love the repetitive motif of counting to four.
It's a very strong poem. Just refine it. You do a swell job at making the reader feel emotion.
Keep writing!
-Sbitonti