Lovely Bones

This is truly haunting. (as is the disease- this ha been conveyed rather well.)
I was thinking about the fact that anorexia dosn't decrease mental capability, however as you have rightly pointed out it does in the line "Can't think. Too weak.".
The rhythm has a sort of nursery rhyme feeling to it, which reflects the meaning really well. The general feeling behind the work is one of infancy, mirrored in the poetic device of repetition.
Hope This Helps,
Take That You Fiend!

I find this poem to be very interesting; you truly captured a very quite and gently haunting sound with this poem. Thank you for sharing.

Hello, hope you find my review informative. As others have said, you have really represented this disease in this poem very well.

" Watch the scale--
.down-down-down."

Check the punctuation usage in the above lines, it could use some improvement.

The ending and starting is very good too. The appreciation of having healthy bones is shown here. Good job and hope you read more of your work.
- Anshira: Blue Team.

A very interesting story. Extremely original and a little sad. I love the delicacy in your structure choices. It's both true and heartbreaking.

Its interesting and very well written. This is a disease many women and young girls struggle with and I think this poem would be a good wake up call on how ridiculous and dangerous anorexia is. It shows the price we pay to look good and fit in with society especially this part "Can't think. To weak." sometimes we pay the ultimate price to feel good about ourselves, I think this is a great poem and you are a wonderful writer!

Talk about an eye catching title! Good job on that.
This was done rather well in my opinion. I like the way you put it all together.

"Pretty bones,

my dearest friends,

lovely little bones."

I like the way you represented the disease in this part. You described it as your friend, when in reality, it's your enemy.

"Can't think.

Too weak.

Lovely little bones."

This was an amazing way to end the poem. It makes the reader want more. You were like that throughout the entire poem. You kept the readers attention very well, and you didn't get off topic. It all flowed well, made sense, and had the perfect amount of imagery.

I congratulate you on this! You should be proud of this.
Can't wait to see more!

I love the title of this because it drew me in. I WANTED to read this because Anorexia is such a horrible thing to think about or go through. And then how you added "Lovely Bones" to it, made it seem beautifully imperfect. You did a great job keeping this poem short, while having a strong feeling to it. Great job! Can't wait to see more

Hi xDarkHeart27x,so here is Dark to give review on your poem.

A is for Anorexia - Lovely Bones

Pretty bones,

my dearest friends,

lovely little bones.

Watch the scale--

.down-down-down.

Such pretty pretty bones.

Can't think.

Too weak.

Lovely little bones.

Hey,

Your description of the poem - "A is for anorexia" - was intriguing and led me to believe that this would be longer and a little more substantial as a poem. This definitely has the potential to be an emotionally powerful account of a girl trying to fit into this world obsessed with negative sizes, but it needs quite a lot of work before that.

For one thing, this is far too concise to actually hit hard or drive home any point in the reader's mind. You have some wonderful phrases here that can be so powerful and meaningful, but they just don't have enough support material. The repetition of the word 'bones' in various places is, I think, slightly more grotesque than you intended it to be, it reminds one of death and other dark things. You could play around with words there and change that a bit, because while it is powerful the first few times you use it, it soon becomes repetitive and boring.

That said, I loved this line: "Watch the scale-- down-down-down." It is quite powerful and invokes in adolescent girls a feeling one cannot quite recognise - disgust, or is it envy? - and should be kept the way it is.

You need to support the picture you've painted of an anorexic girl by talking about other things; what lead to her anorexia, tiny details about how she started eating less and less (induced vomiting, even?) and then finally the dreary image we have here - a girl who is little more than a bag of skin and bones, too weak to think, but still overjoyed at obtaining a "model figure."

Overall, this poem is pitifully incomplete and evokes more confusion than anything else. It needs to have more imagery, emotive lines and other supporting material for the reader to have anything other than mixed feelings of pity and slight revulsion at the subject. It has the potential to be a very moving poem, but it needs more detail and description to achieve the desired effect.

Hope this helped
~Day

Hey,

I'm Nargles and am here to review your poem.

This is a rather intense and emotional poem, well I feel it can be and has the potential to be.

You have a rather sad and personal theme in this poem, and I commend you on writing about that and sharing it with is.

I really like this poem, and like I said, feel as if it has great potential.
I suggest you work on it, and really enhance it. It doesn't mean you need to make it longer, simply use some stronger imagery and emotive language.

Fantastic poem and keep writing.
Nargles xxx