This was so awesome. I'm a sucker for horror! I really liked the tone of the poem and the description in it. I really liked reading it. I can only praise this poem.
Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
A/N: WARNING. This is not meant for the ignorant or weak of mind. Please be aware that this poem involves rape. In no way do I promote it.
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It's raining, it's pouring,
She giggles while they're mourning.
They buried the man where her pain began
And she feared his return in the morning.
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In her tears, she drowns as the sun beats down
And she remembers he watched her playing.
She smiled wide when he reached her side
And bent down close to her, saying:
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"You're a good little one, aren't you, girl?
Will you be good for me as well?"
She remained polite and he showed no contrite
When he whispered, "Don't ever tell."
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The sky grew dim as the man crawled in.
He roused her from her dreams.
Those who were near, they couldn't hear
His grunts and her muffled screams.
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Shadows loom as she's locked in her room.
Silver bracelets adorn her life.
She remembers the pain and the pouring rain
When she felt the smoothness of the knife.
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"Come on, baby, a little more,"
He groaned when she couldn't fight.
Never again, she silently swore
And she gripped the handle tight.
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It's raining, it's pouring,
Her wings come out, she's soaring.
She's locked downtown, but he's underground,
And he won't be back in the morning.
This was so awesome. I'm a sucker for horror! I really liked the tone of the poem and the description in it. I really liked reading it. I can only praise this poem.
Well then, ummm that was a very interesting poem. It could easily be turned into a short story, if that is what you were wanting to do with it. The part the really intrigued me was when you said "her wings came out", mostly because I enjoy the thought a human having wings, but she still can't technically go anywhere. But overall really good poem and I'll be looking for more great works.
I have read dark poem before and I can honestly say this is one the best I have ever read. The second and third stanza is amazing because it raises some anger in me as I read. This is not criticism I think it is easy to make a villain out of a man like this. Although I can not say I relate to this girl I feel like those who actually experienced something horrifying as this would be able to.
You sure aren't kidding when you say is dark, but is always the dark ones that I find the most beautiful. You have actually created a very chilling but yet at the same time clear imagery of what has happened. Since I cannot find any fault with this, I will point out my favourite lines.
Shadows loom as she's locked in her room.
Silver bracelets adorn her life.
She remembers the pain and the pouring rain
When she felt the smoothness of the knife.
It's raining, it's pouring,
Her wings come out, she's soaring.
She's locked downtown, but he's underground,
And he won't be back in the morning.
Hi, Dark!
Wow, this is absolutely stunning. I'm amazed that you managed to keep up a rhyme scheme all the way throughout. That, plus your incredible imagery and the way you conveyed emotions makes this poem excellent. I definitely see what you meant by 'dark', but you pulled it off tastefully and made this a poem about victory instead of loss. I especially love your last stanza. And the other six stanzas. Basically the whole thing is great and I have no complaints, haha.
Phew. You weren't kidding about the dark thing. This poem is incredibly visceral and actually gave me chills. The middle lines, especially, "Shadows loom as she's locked in her room./Silver bracelets adorn her life./She remembers the pain and the pouring rain/When she felt the smoothness of the knife." are very well done.
My only issue was the first and last line, is that the rhythm doesn't really match the rhythm of the middle verses.
Otherwise, I think you wrote this very well. Good job on writing such a difficult subject. Thanks for writing!
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