A Collection

Hey! Maple Way here for a quick review!

This was cool! Each poem had a special story behind it! My favorite poems were the first one and third one. They both seemed to flow perfectly. The fifth one was good too! It was sad ad had a twist ending. Thanks for making these! I would definitely read more you wrote!

I love how short but deep these poems are. Each has a lesson and meaning to it. There's good imagery and some metaphors. I especially love the 5th one, its just so deep and easy to relate too. They all seemed to kind of flow together like chapters of a story and I thought it was just very beautiful! Keep writing.

I really like how so little words can say so much. I really like the line about burnt out stars and worn out moons. Creative and imaginative. Each line tells us more about you. Well done, dude. I look forward to reading more of your writing.

I think it's amazing how you've managed to tell a little story in each of these short pieces.

1.) I like that there is a consistent poetic voice across this collection, even though the poems aren't meant to be connected necessarily. It gives it a sort of unity as a collection of your work.

2.) There are some great metaphors here, for instance the one of broken pieces, that succinctly express the mood and meaning of the writing. The fourth and final poems are my favourites for this reason.

3.) The list-like structure in the second-to-last poem felt a bit repetitive to me. It would have been interesting to see in the list more foreshadowing that the last item was going to be the speaker themselves, for instance, maybe mixing in some broken photograph frames or something with the bottles and silverware - though of course, that's just a suggestion.

4.) The very first poem is poignant, and could do even better with some imagery weaved in, as you have in the rest of the poem. I agree with the short length being used to maintain that sort of melancholy mood, but even a few words more of description, maybe to describe the 'you' in this poem or the mental space they are in, could make the piece more memorable, in my opinion.

Overall, I think you have a great thing going here with these short pieces. Hopefully some of these comments are helpful - and keep it up! <3

Hey! I'm Grav and I'll be reviewing your poem today!

I really enjoyed the poem. It is relatable and touching. I could relate to it all.

Here's how I related each one of your poems and my personal remarks on them.

Spoiler

1. i pick out the pieces of myself

I do often try to avoid people I'm attracted to because I tend to develop this fear of hurting them or driving them away.

2. the farther i was from you

Yes, letting go hurts and honestly, I'm still ready to bleed but sometimes I feel that bleeding isn't the answer. I think letting go is all about caring about yourself a little more. Its more about accepting that the bulletholes need to be stitched up and the scars will just fade on their own.

3. she lays on the grass

Oh dear. I'm surprised and happy because I've been through all these phases. I used to just lie down you know and look up at the stars till my friends or someone else came and asked me what the hell's up with me xp.

4. i don’t know what it’s like

Me neither But parts of me do stay even though sometimes there's just like a civil war in my head. My different personalities clashing with each other and then some parts just disappear.

5. you left the kitchen

This hurt. It makes me understand that in the other person's minds, I'm as important as anything else. I'm not anything special. This is great. I love it.

6. i keep my palms wide open

This is the end. The never-ending end. The wait. The long and ever-lasting wait. What I think is that you've just gotta stop waiting and just think that what you're waiting for is just a figment of your imagination and that it isn't real. I've found that, this is the only way to move on. I also understood that getting what you're waiting for only makes it worse. Because if its even slightly different from what you expected it to be, you start doubting its reality and it drives you crazy.

Incredible. I adored these short, touching poems which echoed a sense of pain, desperation and silent hope through each verse. Though you say the poems were unrelated, jarring emotions and a steady flow connected them together, presenting a story to the reader, entrancing them as they read along. These were my absolute favorite lines:

"burned out stars
worn-out moons
you"

"so many broken things
lying on the floor -
glasses
plates
silverware
bottles
me."

In total, a brilliant work. Do continue to write and enchant us with your words. It would be also great if you continued this style of writing further. Have a safe and happy day/night