Young Writers Society

hey there startlitmind! Tuck here with a review

This poem was chock-full of imagery and I am l i v i n g for it! The way you connected the images of pizza to the idea of smells and the sky was so vivid it made me hungry. It was full of neatly-drawn comparisons and had a wonderful build and a satisfying conclusion. All in all, you've made my job as a critique-r very hard

I think one area I would have liked to see some expansion is your last line of the first stanza -- the line that says "make the heavens cry". Might I suggest specifying the tear as another opportunity to insert some imagery? Maybe the heavens cry marinara sauce, or garlic sauce, or drops of salt water, or anything that fits well with the theme you've carved out. It felt like you created a line with a lot of potential to finish that stanza with a strong, full-circle image and then just left it.

As a super minor note, "birds crashing into towers" is a more powerful image to me than "birds running into towers". It may be worth incorporating in a future edit.

I think I may have missed your point with "so does that make the sunset // a fruit or a vegetable?" While it's a neat thought, it lacks any sort of profound impact for me. It's not a question I'll continue to dwell on, and it comes on the heels of some poetic thoughts that are [profoundly impactful. Maybe if you expanded on the idea of the differences between fruits and vegetables and drew some connections there -- like if you established fruits as something fresh, refreshing, and invigorating and vegetables as something nourishing and filling, it would have more of an impact, but at the moment it wasn't particularly striking.

And finally, "fizzy discovery" also didn't hit as hard for me. I'm thinking that maybe if you inserted some lines about visiting pizza parlors and filling a plastic cup with every type of soda and then downing all of it, or a similar image, it might have a stronger impact, but as is, it seems to come out of nowhere rather than taking an image or idea full-circle.

Overall, this was a very strong poem that was filled with so much imagery I almost cried tears of joy. You continually impress me with the way you're able to use outer space to make me feel things, and this poem was no exception. In this poem, I especially enjoyed the way you engaged all of the senses in a way that made my mouth water and me crave pizza. Please feel free to reach out with any questions, and I hope to read more from you soon!

Best,
Tuck

Don't have a review, just wanted to say that this is actually a really good poem. Not even humorously. It's just a great poem overall. I feel nostalgic and thoughtful in all the best ways.

That is all, okay now I'm going

Now I want pizza

Hey, there! I really liked this poem. It's cute, with a light mood, but the sober feeling of deep thoughts. Comparing the sky to different foods is so creative! I don't think I'd ever have thought of that. That's actually what makes this poem so great; you've gone beyond the typical poetic descriptions and put imaginative, personal touches all over it.

I think I like these lines best:
"everything between fizzy discovery
and pizza on a sunday afternoon."

The only thing I would suggest possibly changing would be capitalizing the proper nouns "I" and "Sunday." But considering the overall style and format, the way you've done it doesn't come off too badly. So that's just my suggestion.

Again, I like this work, and appreciate the glimpse into your imagination you've given us. Keep it up!

I'm not sure if what I'm about to say is an actual review, but here I am
I have only one word- LOVE.
The metaphors, the images,color palette- everything. Usually I have trouble saying something about works I loved / somehow it's easier to talk about things that went wrong, because they're obvious/.
But I just liked everything- especially "the sunset is made of crushed red pepper" bit.

I know it's tagged as Humor, and everyone has their own interpretation of the poem but parts like "i wonder what lies beyond the moon" and a few more comparisons made me feel a bit nostalgic and created a very specific mood for me.

Thank you for giving me the best thing I've read today.

See you around

Hey you, I thought I'd drop by to review this fun poem!

I love, love, love how you play with the senses and mix them all up in the opening lines ~ it paints such a vivid picture in my mind. And just how absurd and silly everything about this poem is, makes it such a light and enjoyable read. (I mean absurd and silly in the absolute best way possible )

I'm going to look at the imagery first, since that's a pretty noticeable part of this poem! As I already said, I love how you swap senses in the opening three lines ~ I think it'd be awesome if you could incorporate more sense-mixing imagery throughout the poem? For example, something like "airplanes singing streaks of water vapour" (that's not the greatest example but hopefully you get the gist!)

and birds running into towers; i wonder

what lies beyond the moon, the half-
eaten slice of pizza, and if stars
really do belong in the sky even though
they look like pineapples.

all i know now is that when i inahle

"Does that make the sun set a fruit or a vegetable?" Very funny.