I just wanted to offer my support. If you're going though something like this, I want you to know you can PM me if you need to talk. <3<3
I have no words at all.
This poem is filled with pain but in such a poetical way I could not resist leaving a review here. So here are my honest opinions on your poem.The sadness and despair in this work has really deep roots, roots that evolve the poem from a mere group of thoughts to a really profound piece. You nailed it in achieving that poetic feel with the simple but vivid descriptions. The one that stood out the most to me was "my mother's cheeks/mosaicked with tears". That is because this simple line has soooo much depth to it. First of all it gave me the image of light shining on the tears and creating bright colors scattered all over her face. Secondly it added a nice detail, I thought about wrinkled cheeks, and the tears flowing down and filling them, therefore creating a mosaic.Reading this poem I loved the innocence of the persona. He/she seems like a small child unaware of the situation fully but feels that something is wrong seeing a lot of drugs, parents crying and these "hushed conversations". Praying is the only thing the child can do to help and the mother is aware of this that's why she begs him or her to pray as much as possible. The child wants to show all of the love inside his heart by being there to hold his dad's hand, hug him etc.Only one thing to correct in my opinion: I dislike repetitions of a certain word just like you did there with "my mother's cheeks/my mother comes". Try to change the second mother. It really breaks the flow of the poem if you ask me.Great job, sending virtual hugs and high fives. Keep writing!
Hey, star.If this is something you and your parents are going through, I'm sorry. You can always dm me if you want to talk. <3 And, of course, I hope the treatment goes completely well. I'll pray for your dad, too, every night until October 9th.Each line carries a profound sense of sadness, something that can't be washed away. It resonates within the reader, you know? The diction is very well chosen, with almost all the words being best suited to the context.
strangling my heart and setting fire to my eyes
my mother comes into my room every night
are you scared? tell me if you are scared...
@starlitmind--I'll be writing this review assuming that this is happening in your life, so, first things first-- *hugs you in a Hazmat suit*This poem is filled with a lot of emotion that hit me like a train wreck-- it reminded me of so many things at once that I just had to take a second and remember all sorts of stuff. Fear, sadness, and prayer fill your words, and it sends a strong message: "I am here for you, I don't want to lose you, let me stay with you."I really have nothing negative to say about this poem, although I would consider making "CT" and "IV" lowercase for consistency.Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!!!
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