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125,021 Literary Works • 672,742 Reviews
Love this! Such a creative structure and such heartfelt harrowing imagery ‹3
Aw, thank you so very much! <3
Hey.
Ken here for a review.
Before I read your work the first words on my lips were "wow"
This is an amazing piece. A one of a kind, creative, perfect wordings, over all, an interesting piece. I can go on and on and on honestly.
A lover who misses his partner and wishing she was there with him. "falling snow explodes outside and I wonder if you're warm". Here you are worried about her safety, worried if she's okay living without you. You're aware of the chaos or troubles you two are having. You're sure you're not in for it but you're not sure if she's comfortable without you.
"My sorrow is seven ft tall and my hope keep getting smaller"
Here you're saying you've been totally consumed with sorrow (seven ft tall, an average height of humans), you're making the reader understand that you're lost in sorrows or anguish which is making lose hope in getting her back.
Over all I love this and I hope to see more from you!
Thanks for the review and kind words! <3
Hi StarliMind!
I am here to drop a review for another unique poem of yours. I liked this idea of formatting your lines just like the hands of a clock. It made it look cyclic or being in a loop of time. Though I had a little bit of problem in reading the lines after 6 because I had to move my head to read them on laptop, but it was easier to do so on mobile. The lack of capitalization and punctuation made it look very natural with a continuous flow.
This gave such an intense feeling of love and passion.
Here I think if you would have written 'wide open' in the same line, then it would have felt better. But I guess it must have been difficult to adjust the line length in such a format.
This felt so lovely and at the same time painful because it reveals how much the narrator is longing for the other person and still cares about them.
Okay, so I particularly liked the 12th one because it really suits at that position. It's the time when a new day starts and there you have mentioned about delaying tomorrow. So I felt it fitted right there. Overall from whichever part we pick it up, it still feels complete and the reader gets captivated in the flow of emotions.
As always your poems are something I look up to and you always bring something new.
Great work!
Keep writing
Thanks for the review and kind words! <3 I always enjoy reading your reviews.
Yeah, I do agree with that %u201Cwide open%u201D statement, but I was running out of space, so I actually cut out some words xD
Again, thanks for the review! I really appreciate it
Wow! What a cool concept.
The idea that you're longing for someone and using specific diction like 'I hope you come back even if it is just to pick up your forgotten umbrella' - it feels very Rupi Kaur-ish. Which is very good. That kind of small touch showcases a lot to the reader.
The clock accentuates the feelings of want and the passage of time. This way, it actually makes sense for it loop back around.
I do not feel like punctuation or diction needs to be perfect as it shows the desperate nature of our narrator.
I really liked it.
Thanks for the review and kind words!
Hello Starlit! I really loved the concept of this poem so I thought I'd drop by for a review!
I'm going to put the poem in a spoiler, just so I don't have to make a fool of myself spinning my laptop around every time I go to read a line
Spoiler
Alright! I'm going to go over my general impression of the format first, since that's the most obvious element to this poem. I think it's quite clever how you set it up like a ticking clock, and writing the poem in the shape of a circle gives it a really special feature -> you could keep reading the poem, over and over again on repeat, like one long continuous stretch of time. The ways you've set up the ideas also means that it doesn't feel awkward reading from the last couplet of the poem into the first couplet.
So overall, I really like the set up; I do think however that the image of the clock feels a bit harsh and Calibri-esque compared to the text, which is some kind of serif font. Obviously it's hard to find the perfect image on the internet, but if you could find a more antique/cozy/organic clock I think that might match the mood and tone of the poem a bit better.
I did notice that you didn't use much punctuation, which is totally fine - however, you did use a comma in the lines
I would suggest either removing that, for consistency's sake, or adding in commas elsewhere where they would make sense, as well.
For example, in this pair of lines
there should technically be a comma after "cold". Again, you don't need one, as that's a stylistic choice -> but I would personally recommend either not using commas at all, or using them where grammatically necessary.
I really like how you showed the different way that time can actually make things worse.
^here, for example, you capture how the longer someone is gone, the less belief you have that they'll come back.
^and this is one of my favourite pairs of lines, because it describes this concept in an original, accurate, interesting, perfect way... gah, I don't know, I just love it! I would've never described it like that but it fits so well.
I also enjoyed the back and forth you had with cold/heat imagery; lines next to numbers 1, 2, 6, and 9 all tie back to each other really nicely. One thing you could've done to keep that theme going was in the lines
instead of referring to their umbrella, you could mention something winter-related like their mittens or snow pants or snow boots or scarf or something like that.
I have one final thing I wanted to mention, that is really not a huge deal at all, just a silly idea -
This is next to the number eight on the clock, so it might be fun if you said "eight feet" instead of "seven feet"? Again, just a silly thing that popped into my head while reading
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this poem! I love it when people take preconceived ideas and turn them upside down! I hope this review is helpful, and if you've got any questions as always just ask.
Keep poeting!
whatcha
Edit: Also, title suggestions! I'll admit, I'm not great with titles, but here are a few ideas that might give you better ideas:
Thank you so much for the review and kind words!! <3
Ooh, I never thought about how the clock and font go together. Thank you for bringing that up, I definitely agree now that I see it!
I meant for this to have no punctuation, but I found myself adding commas anyway xD I read it so many times to make sure I had no commas, but looks like there ended up being one. Thanks a bunch for pointing that out!
The mittens/scarf idea is a good one! That makes a lot more sense than what I have. Thanks for that suggestion!
Ooh, the eight feet isn't a silly idea at all! I actually quite like it, and I think I'll end up changing it. Thank you for that!
Thanks for the title suggestions! I love the last one particularly <3
Thanks again for such a thoughtful review! You brought up a lot of stuff I didn't even think of!