i swear i can feel things
when i watched the little girl's tiny fingers
unravel around the balloon's wispy string,
letting the ball of emptiness float away
into the bounded infinities,
i swear i felt my rusted fingers clench in pain
and when i watched the two sit on the tired, groaning bench
when he revealed her unrequited love,
leaving her heart to wither with the bleeding roses,
i swear i felt my metal heart drop
and when i watched him forget the way happiness felt,
light shut out from his two rain-stained windows,
and doors forever strangled with parasitic vines,
i swear i felt all my wires combust
but when they point their unforgiving fingers at me,
little kids screeching Mommy, look at that robot!
i wonder if i can really feel anything at all
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139,359 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
This is one of the best poems I've read. It's so plain and relatable. And the best kind of relatable, too, the kind where if you don't understand it then it just sounds like a cool story. Beautifully written!
Hey star, I have a review for you. <3
hammers home something deep. It's the line that's supposed to stand out with the italics, the first word capitalized, and the real meaning behind the words.I like 2020 star poetry. I might go through your whole portfolio XD. But onto reviewing the actual poem shall I?
I don't usually start with talking about style or format but your poem is very hard hitting with the all lowercase. But the line
I like how this can be interpreted in one of two ways. It could be an actual robot, who's become conscious of their lack of ability to feel human things. Because this is in the present tense (a hard one for me to write in so good job with that <3) this is not a cyborg. Someone has not been turned into a robot and forgets how it feels to well, feel. Or it can be interpreted as a person in the same situation as the robot and using robotic ways to describe themselves. I think both views can be interesting but I perceive they way of the robot for no other reason than I like non-human main characters in poetry.
In your first stanza I adore the way you describe a helium balloon and what it's like for it to be let go of. Goodness I had to stop and sit in awe of your balloon description. I know that it's so simple, but paired with all the other things you later say, I dunno it just stands out. I just love it!
Here i shall put some critiques. There is nothing major I see which is good. But one thing I might have changed is this stanza I know I was gushing about one of the lines here, just bear with me. The stanza feels a little short. I think I would have personally made the italic part its own separate line so it has a sense of privacy from the other standard fonts. And I would like to have more words for screeching such as taunting and singling out. But that was all I could find that I wanted to critique.
Good job to 2020 star! And 2021 star too, you both get some love <33333. I'll most likely be reviewing your past poetry in the future so be on the watch out for that. Also love the title! Anyway byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee<33333
EEEEE THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEW!!!!
I absolutely love and appreciate your critiques ^_^
AGAIN, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! <333
Hello there Starlit!
First thing I'll say would be that your title is already great for the poem. It defines a part of a robot that humans perceive as the reason why it can't feel anything. What I like about this poem is that, even if it's a defence for a robot, humans can relate to it too. When you broaden the topic, it tackles one's identity. People were constrained by the idea that "robots" don't feel things, that's why, despite knowing it has the ability to feel, it still questions it. Historically, certain races and even a whole sex (female) were discriminated because of the idea tha they aren't as capable as white males. Although they have so much potential in them, they were reduced to servants or are forcibly kept as housewives.
My first suggestion would be: to write a stanza or continue your last stanza with a description of what the robot would feel. There was no stanza where he was directly involved. So I think you should focus on that. It could help the readers understand how he reacts more.
Second, the line
Is a bit weird. It is a robot and it couldn't do anything about it. That's what it is. But it thought (i wonder if i can really feel anything at all) makes it sound like it doesn't want to be defined that way. It implies that the robot itself believes that robots don't feel things. It doesn't have a great message because this isn't acceptance, it's a certain kind of denial. I think what you're trying to say from the whole poem is that even if it's a robot it has the ability to feel. I hope you could show that by paraphrasing your last stanza a little bit. Describe possible ways where people assume that a robot has no emotions, but the robot's thoughts prove that he does have one. For example, this robot is a student (maybe because of a science experiment or a research scientists are trying to prove) but is isolated because of what it is. The alienation has massively affected the robot mentally.
I hope my review is clear. You don't have to accept every suggestion I have, it's still up to you
Thank you so much for your review! I'll definitely take into consideration what you said. Thanks again
Hi, this is Kahlene, I saw this poem in the Green Room so I thought I'd give a review!
This poem is very sweet and nicely written. There is context and the poem never drags on which I love, I dislike poems that drags on and has no context. The whole poem tells a story about a Robot that believes they can feel feelings correct. I interpreted that when the child screamed when they saw them, the Robot felt numb, being numb is a feeling yet you don't feel anything. Please correct me if I am incorrect.
This poem has good imagery in it, you write good details so the reader could understand what was going on. This is a huge thing to make sure if when writing if the reader doesn't understand what they are reading they tend to get bored and discontinue reading. In your case that is not a problem. There are also no problems that I can spot in this poem so it may end short, which is a good thing because that means your poem had little to no errors.
The error I did see is capitalization, this is very important. It may be a minor problem but it is good to reread before posting so you can correct any errors.
Anyway, that's all I had for now. I hope you continue writing so I could review more of your works. I hope you have a good day.
Thank you so much for your review and kind words! ^^
I didn't have in mind that the robot feels numb when the child screamed, but I love that interpretation! That's what makes poetry fun to me, when you get to read other people's interpretations on it. Thank you for that!
As for capitalization, in poetry, the rules of grammar pretty much become nonexistent. You don't have to capitalize things. In this poem, I did not capitalize purposefully, as it was a stylistic choice.
Thank you so much again for you words! I also hope you have a good day/night <3
Oh sorry, I didn't know, that was my bad. But anyway, you're welcome! ^-^
Aw don't apologize! I really appreciate it <3
Hey Starlit! This is my first review in like five years, so I'm sorry if I'm rusty.
I love the use of lowercase letters in this poem. I love the way it looks and makes the poem feel. For some reason, I am never able to commit to it fully; my internal editor holds me back. But writing purposefully with all lowercase shows an excellent grasp of the concept of poetry versus prose. In prose, it shows a lack of competency, whereas, in poetry, it demonstrates artistic freedom. For me, the lack of capital letters in poetry shows an author who makes conscious decisions to form their writing in whatever way they choose.
This piece tells a story. The moment snapshots you give are descriptive and packed full of compelling details. I can see the images frozen in time, the sadness that prevails. I am curious to learn more about the story behind the robot. These stanzas prove internally that they can feel pain and sorrow, but is that all? Can this robot feel other emotions or sensations? This poem could perhaps become even more potent than it already is through expanding the robot's emotional spectrum and experiences.
There is one phrase that didn't feel quite right to me. Line 5 reads "into the bounded infinites," I understand the word bounded to have a meaning similar to enclosed or limited, while infinites elicits a reverse image in my mind. As well, Grammarly is continuously asking me to check my spelling as I quote the word "infinites." I'm not sure if you intended for it to be that way or if it is a typo meant to be "infinities" instead. In either case, I still feel as if the two words are fighting against one another rather than working together.
As for a title, I think "Gears" works well enough, but it didn't prepare me for what this poem was. I struggle with naming poetry. I always end up telling myself that if the title doesn't add to the poem, then it doesn't need one. However, to post poetry to many places, a title is required, so I end up slapping one on at the last second.
Overall, I enjoyed your poem! I encourage you to keep writing and keep exploring emotional snapshots in your poetry because you have a real talent for it!
-yubbies21
Hey, welcome back! <3
Thank you for all of your lovely comments! That%u2019s so true, I didn%u2019t even think of other emotions; I only wrote about pain and sadness. Thank you for pointing that out!! I%u2019ll definitely go back and add stanzas reflecting other emotions.
On my screen, it reads %u201Cbounded infinities.%u201D Sorry for the confusion! I%u2019m not sure why it reads differently. I%u2019ll go back and change that.
Again, thank you so much for your comments! I appreciate it very much
Wow, that was a mess xD hopefully it is still readable haha