soft,
splashing notes
quiver along ivory keys,
pause, then
reeling out of orbit, they
slide down a polished ebony cliff to
drop
from each taut copper line with a
haunting echo,
all at the brush of
fingertips,
soft.
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140,525 Literary Works • 673,335 Reviews
I do like this! I do!
I am kind of sad that you missed out on an opportunity to include some musical terms though. I think that would be pretty cool -- kind of like a nod to musicians to say, "Aha, yes, I speak your language."
Otherwise, it's good! I like how you start with soft and end with soft, but have the softness about two different things.
Thanks Snoink! That's an interesting suggestion. Perhaps I'll try to use some music vocab in an edited version or another poem.
hello nightcrawler.prithamrittika here for a review.i like the name of the poem "piano".i like the theam of the poem and the lines. the poem is beautiful.
keep writing......
Thanks!
sounds like shakespeare
Is that a good thing?
depends haha
Okay... XD
don't worry its a good thing!
Yay!
Hello Nightcrawler, Tay01 here to review your work.
I've basically read it all, but it doesn't follow the rhythm.
Spoiler
You really need to rewrite and make this more rhythmic so that it is easier to read.
~~Tay01: Thanks
Thanks Tay! However, because this is freestyle, I have no reason to make a set rhythm. Perhaps next time, critique on the content? Thanks!
Alright
Night, I love this!
-have a cookie-
*noms cookie* Thanks!
This is great! I would review this but I think everyone else has posted what I would say in a review.
Thanks!
Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. i like to begin on how i love how you begin with the word -soft and end with the word -soft (I can't remember the name of style that it, but i like poems like that). Also there is beat along the lines of the poem, like someone playing the piano to a ticker thingy (or whatever it is called).
Whenever i read a poem or something that looks worth reviewing, i try to look for mistakes or something that would need to be fixed in order for it to seem well-done (if that makes sense). However, when i read most poems there are few mistakes but unlike those poems, I see none in this one (except for the -quiver, that someone said already.)
This poem could relate to many people like piano player or anyone who has played the piano, since when you play any instrument you get involved into it (like how i was with the trumpet). Also i think this could be said like life (in a sense).
Farewell,
CapitalMonday
Thanks!
Hello, Nightcrawler!
I used to play piano all the time, but I have not had time in quite a while. This poem brought back many beautiful memories. I loved reading it.
Your description was very good, it was all very clear. I could picture my old grand in front of me.
Was the poem itself meant to be a palindrome? the first part could easily be read both ways, but the ending was rougher. Palindromes are very difficult for many people to write, and at times the wording just can't lend itself to it.
Overall you did an excellent job, I see multiple other works on your list I am going to go review now
Great job, keep writing!
--Cam
Thank you! I thought of making it a palindrome, but decided against it. Perhaps I'll eventually go back and make it one. Thanks again for the review!
Wow. I really loved this poem! I play piano myself, and I feel like this is a fitting and elegant description for the instrument.
I really liked how you started and ended with "soft". It had a great effect. Question, though: are the strings actually made from copper? ("...each taut copper line") not that you need to change it, I'm just genuinely curious.
I don't actually have suggestions to make on additions or changes, I just agree with what PaperNessa said about using "quivering".
Beautiful poetry!
-Falc-
Thank you! Piano strings are actually made of steel, but the ones on my piano are tarnished so they look a copper color.
YES. This is perfect. I loved the description to the heavens and back. It was so simple yet beautiful all the same. My only suggestion is in the line:
The noun "notes" is plural so I feel as though "quivering" is a better fit. This is only a suggestion so you may do what you wish. I loved this sweet simple blip of poetry though. It was great.
Thank you!