Love is defined as
a violent collision
with a hand to hold.
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Canary word: Present
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139,388 Literary Works • 672,542 Reviews
Being someone who admires haikus (I wrote 135 last November), I love this poem. Haikus capture a big story in a small guideline, leaving the mind to wander yet still packing a big punch when it comes to meaning. Keep writing! x
Thank you!
Hello!!
I really liked this poem, it was short, simple, and got your point across. I'm no haiku expert by any means, but I really did like this one. I liked the way you described love. It's basically one big train wreck with someone by your side. I liked that idea of it a lot, and it's totally true. You did an excellent job of conveying what love means to you. I really don't have any criticism, so I guess this isn't much of a review, just a job well done. Keep writing!!
Thank you!
Hey Nightcrawler! Strange here on this magnificent day and I have a review for you!
This is going to be a rather shorter review than usual, which I apolgize for, but I guess it relies on the shortness of this poem. Not often do people actually post haikus, so it's a surprise. Plus, there is the fact that I don't have much to criticize.
Two points I can get on about are the syllables and technique. I was never good at judging syllables, to be completely honest, but usually I get it down. The first line, however, I kept counting six syllables. Of course, I can be completely wrong. Maybe defined is too syllables. This is why I don't write haikus that often. Although, if it is five syllables, keep it. It's a great line and a great opening.
The second point is the technique. The way I have viewed haikus is you grab two ideas/visuals, put them together in the first two lines, then you of course have a punch at the end. This was different, because it seemed like it was switched around and the first line didn't have the basis as the last line would. For example, here's a haiku I wrote a while back called Metamorphosis!
Beautiful, right? Anywho, that's how I was taught. Grab two things and slap them together. However, don't let them mix. Once again, I could be wrong, but it's a suggestion.
On to my "praise", this was wonderful for a haiku. You didn't stumble to get your point across. The message was delivered strongly, I can see a bit of emotion inside those lines too, and how you cut up the lines. Man, I have to give you praise on that. Any type of poetry, you have to decide when to cut up the lines for it to flow smoothly. This was a lazy river at a water park. I'm not calling it slow, but the flow on it was never stopped. I respect what you're doing with the haiku, if it was slightly adjusted to fit strict haiku standards, then it would be magnificent. I dig this. This was awesome.
Great job, keep writing, and stay groovy!
Thanks Strange! I rechecked, and the first line does have five syllables.
Love (1) is (2) de-(3) fined (4) as (5)
Sometimes is confusing with past tense words like that, but I think we're good here! Thanks very much for the praise and review.
I dig this.
Thanks dude.
Is this a haiku? I love it. I love how contrasting love sounds with collision. The violent collision can be interpreted as fiery hot passion of a couple of lovers. O.o" And there's the line "with a hand to hold" that takes the passion into another level. This is my interpretation.
I love the repetition of the vowel "o" in the second line. It makes the reading more pleasant and natural and less forced. Overall, I love this poem.
Yes, it is a haiku.
I'm glad you love it. Your interpretation is slightly different than my own, but that's what poetry is about. ^-^ Thanks for the review!
Oh, forgot to say this. The last line also shows that if there's a fighting going on between the lovers, they would still eventually support each other.
That's an interesting thought. I like that. ^-^