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lock jawed

by Sonder


it was easier to pour out my soul when it wasn't stuffed black,

when my pillows were soft and i still had eyelashes.


i wish that i could pull my ribs apart and dip fingers in

with nails still white and teeth still sharp, and that i could

scrape off the edges and swiftly pull forth

a poem

a story

a sentence, godammit,

and encase the nightmares that fester within.


a gentle surgery, and gentler nights.


here was a soul that was easily cleaned, and a mouth with a jaw easily unhinged,

and sewing thoughts into words was much simpler when

i had thread left over.


go on, darling,

peer deep inside.


do tell me what you find in there.


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113 Reviews


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Thu Feb 15, 2018 7:51 pm
Bellarke says...



it was easier to pour out my soul when it wasn't stuffed black,

when my pillows were soft and i still had eyelashes.


i wish that i could pull my ribs apart and dip fingers in

with nails still white and teeth still sharp, and that i could

scrape off the edges and swiftly pull forth

a poem

a story

a sentence, godammit,

and encase the nightmares that fester within.


a gentle surgery, and gentler nights.

this reminds me of a song. the lyrics.




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Fri Oct 23, 2015 11:54 am
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Persistence says...



Nice poem ^^




Sonder says...


Thanks!



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Wed Oct 21, 2015 12:08 am
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Ronald559 says...



Wow a very refreshing poem, that didn't lean on a cheap title or a lame premise. Very good work. Keep it up.




Sonder says...


Thanks! :)



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Tue Oct 20, 2015 3:26 pm
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ChipsMcCoy says...



I like that Nate is not afraid in this poem.




Sonder says...


Dang it. I was trying to strike fear in his soul.



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Tue Oct 20, 2015 2:58 am
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DrFeelGood says...



While I appreciate all the 10 Reason posts (they are a nice fun read) I think you really need to be commended for firmly holding a place in the spotlight!

Spoiler! :
Also appreciate the fact that your works have strong personal expressions. Something, DrFeelGood should learn, who mostly repeats his formula. XD




Sonder says...


Haha, thanks. I feel a bit awkward now with my poem just hovering among all the fad pieces. XD But it's also a bit of an honor! Thanks again!



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Tue Oct 20, 2015 2:04 am
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niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there Nightcrawler!

I was originally just going to leave a comment congratulating you for holding your own in the Literary Spotlight among the "Things Nate Is Afraid Of" fad pieces, but I looked over it again and I have a few comments so I'll make this a proper review.

I can relate to the feeling expressed in the poem, how at times it can seem impossible to say what you really want to say. Overall, I think this is beautifully done.

i wish that i could pull my ribs apart and dip my fingers in

with nails still white and teeth still sharp,


I think adding "my" makes the first line flow better. I also think the second line feels out of place here and could be moved, possibly to the end of the first stanza. Where it is, I feel like it interrupts the movement imagery (dipping, scraping).

Overall, lovely poem that much deserves its place in the Spotlight. Keep writing! :)




Sonder says...


Oh, interesting suggestions! I'll definitely look into that. Thanks for the review! :)



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Mon Oct 19, 2015 7:33 pm
kman134 wrote a review...



This poem was very morbid and a little confusing, but i might have gotten some aspects of the message; if there wasn't any message, then i could say it was pretty creative and good that you're trying your best.

"i wish that i could pull my ribs apart and dip fingers in

with nails still white and teeth still sharp, and that i could

scrape off the edges and swiftly pull forth"

This part seemed a bit masochistic; the imagery of it made me feel both disgusted and in awe. Though you should work on it a bit, I still find this a great work of art and hope you post some more.




Sonder says...


Every poem has a meaning. Otherwise, it's useless. This poem was about how I wish I could express myself and put my emotions into words, but how it's very hard to do so. It wasn't meant to be morbid, I was just trying to get across the difficulty I experience.
Also, the point of a review is to tell me what needs work. You said this needed some work. Could I have some specifics please?
Thanks for the review! :)



kman134 says...


well, the grammar needs some work, but, all-in-all, it's still a good poem.



Sonder says...


Lack of capitalization was intentional. Artist choice! :)



Ronald559 says...


you need to learn how to take criticism better. Listen to what people are telling you and take it under consideration. Otherwise you'll never grow.



Sonder says...


I got no criticism in this review other than how I didn't capitalize. That is an artist choice, so other than that I was explaining the meaning behind my poem and actually asking for more specific suggestions. I wanted more criticism so I could improve, which is what you want me to do, so I don't think your comment was necessary. :/


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SkyIsDead says...


I concur with Nightstalker here. Criticism actually very well taken here, better than I would have, probably! :D
Also, as a person who also finds difficulty with expressing themselves and putting their 'emotions into words', I found this very relatable from the get-go, so yeah. :3



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Mon Oct 19, 2015 2:12 am
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klennon14 wrote a review...



Hello there, here to review your poem! Wow!!! That's all I can really say. I have nothing to critique you for, because this is just flawless.
The raw emotion just cuts through every line! It's amazing. You certainly have a true talent for constructing your crazy emotions into one concise piece. This is one of the best poems I've read on this site, and I say that to very few, because I am a total stickler. But this- it's just breathtaking.

"i wish that i could pull my ribs apart and dip fingers in

with nails still white and teeth still sharp, and that i could

scrape off the edges and swiftly pull forth..."

I really like the imagery you provoke here, as well as the word choice.

Let me just say, keep it up with the free verse! What a masterpiece!

Happy writing,

Kali Lennon




Sonder says...


Thank you. :)



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Sun Oct 18, 2015 11:01 pm
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Willard says...



First two lines are great, I just want you to know that.




Sonder says...


Thanks. :)




If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.
— Woodrow Wilson