it was easier to pour out my soul when it wasn't stuffed black,
when my pillows were soft and i still had eyelashes.
i wish that i could pull my ribs apart and dip fingers in
with nails still white and teeth still sharp, and that i could
scrape off the edges and swiftly pull forth
a poem
a story
a sentence, godammit,
and encase the nightmares that fester within.
a gentle surgery, and gentler nights.
here was a soul that was easily cleaned, and a mouth with a jaw easily unhinged,
and sewing thoughts into words was much simpler when
i had thread left over.
go on, darling,
peer deep inside.
do tell me what you find in there.
it was easier to pour out my soul when it wasn't stuffed black,
when my pillows were soft and i still had eyelashes.
i wish that i could pull my ribs apart and dip fingers in
with nails still white and teeth still sharp, and that i could
scrape off the edges and swiftly pull forth
a poem
a story
a sentence, godammit,
and encase the nightmares that fester within.
a gentle surgery, and gentler nights.
this reminds me of a song. the lyrics.
Wow a very refreshing poem, that didn't lean on a cheap title or a lame premise. Very good work. Keep it up.
While I appreciate all the 10 Reason posts (they are a nice fun read) I think you really need to be commended for firmly holding a place in the spotlight!
Hi there Nightcrawler!
I was originally just going to leave a comment congratulating you for holding your own in the Literary Spotlight among the "Things Nate Is Afraid Of" fad pieces, but I looked over it again and I have a few comments so I'll make this a proper review.
I can relate to the feeling expressed in the poem, how at times it can seem impossible to say what you really want to say. Overall, I think this is beautifully done.
i wish that i could pull my ribs apart and dip my fingers in
with nails still white and teeth still sharp,
This poem was very morbid and a little confusing, but i might have gotten some aspects of the message; if there wasn't any message, then i could say it was pretty creative and good that you're trying your best.
"i wish that i could pull my ribs apart and dip fingers in
with nails still white and teeth still sharp, and that i could
scrape off the edges and swiftly pull forth"
This part seemed a bit masochistic; the imagery of it made me feel both disgusted and in awe. Though you should work on it a bit, I still find this a great work of art and hope you post some more.
Hello there, here to review your poem! Wow!!! That's all I can really say. I have nothing to critique you for, because this is just flawless.
The raw emotion just cuts through every line! It's amazing. You certainly have a true talent for constructing your crazy emotions into one concise piece. This is one of the best poems I've read on this site, and I say that to very few, because I am a total stickler. But this- it's just breathtaking.
"i wish that i could pull my ribs apart and dip fingers in
with nails still white and teeth still sharp, and that i could
scrape off the edges and swiftly pull forth..."
I really like the imagery you provoke here, as well as the word choice.
Let me just say, keep it up with the free verse! What a masterpiece!
Happy writing,
Kali Lennon
120,208 Literary Works • 649,086 Reviews
Points: 181
Reviews: 113
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