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137,601 Literary Works • 672,050 Reviews
Hey there! MapleWay here with a short review!
Wow. I'm not sure if this poem is about anxiety or simply a car driving over some hills. But either way, it was great. I liked how when you used the words left and right you put them on their sides. I'm not sure why I liked this part so much but I did. It felt, creative. When it comes to the picture behind the poem I honestly don't really like it. It makes me feel anxious for some reason. It feels unraveled and untidy. This might be on porpouse and if t is well done!
Anyways great poem! Can't wait fr the next!
Thanks so much for the review! I appreciate it! c:
No problem!
As someone who has recovered from bipolar, this is accurate. Mania is such a hard thing to deal with, because you know it's wrong, you know the risks, but damn it it feels GOOD. Especially if you've been depressed so long, you're just desperate for anything else. This is a good poem to keep around in case you need to explain mania. Anyway, no critiques, just my thoughts. Good luck in the fight against bipolar, it's difficult but it's worth it!
(Man I seriously hope I read the description right cause if this isn't about mania then that would be embarrassing.)
You read it right! I'm in the middle of a manic phase and needed something to ground me, so, poem xD And thanks, good luck to you, too! <3
Hi ShadowVyper,
Did you...did you just personify anxiety? Because you did it so well!
I think making this poem into a graphic with such a chaotic background perfectly captures what your head looks like when you are deep into a panic attack.
As far as the poem goes, the shape of certain words like "crest" or "crutches" was a little confusing. I know that was your stylistic choice, but I usually try to make the shape of those words look like what they are physically--does that make sense? Like crest should be shaped like a crescent moon-ish type thing. But! That's just me. It can be difficult to form shapes with letters.
I enjoyed reading this poem, no matter how chaotic it was. The internal struggle between you and your brain was conveyed pleasantly. I like how the structure was like stairs, going down, then starting at the top of the steps with a new line, and then going down again. Finishing off with the void gives the reader a sense of unease, rather than finality. I feel like just because this poem ended doesn't mean the internal struggle ended.
Overall, this was great! Thank you for sharing
LCP
Thanks so much for the review! I appreciate it!
I agree with what you said about the words that form shapes. The "crests" was supposed to be like, coming to the top of a hill, but the more that I think about the poem the more I think it doesn't actually add to the overall quality of the poem.
I'm glad you liked the poem though!! c:
Ah! I really like this poem! I have attempted to write a poem about that "oh my gosh where did the road go" moment before, and you nailed it Shady. I looked at your author's note after reading, but even without could just get a really big sense of emotion from this poem. A sense of panick, back and forth, and internal struggle really comes through the metaphors and images you've chosen. Everything seems to connect really well to this overall car scene too, though you might bring back the driving image in the final stanza to really make it come full circle.
I'm not necessarily sold on the two text wobbles of "crest" and "crunches" sometimes these work, sometimes they feel gimmicky or not contributing to the whole - here at least for me it makes me read it slow and italics-voiced which seems like a disjointed contrast for me to be coming right before "pump breaks" which feels like the poem should pick up the pace rather than slow down right there. I think this poem might benefit from punctuation cues for halting like "/// , --, or ^ , !!" Because the poems emotive energy is more "break //stop // speed" than "slowwwww // fast // sloowwww" if that makes sense? The italics right now are acting like speed-bumps instead of speed cues I guess. That might be my subjective experience too though, so feel free to ignore!
I dont think the italics for "see" added either, but I do like the repeated way the feelings are made descriptively physical - that paints a very visceral experience for the reader. And the spacing for clearing I think didnt dlow the reading but visually added to the experience.
Also the darting back and forth with the text is just perfect for the content and reading I like that a lot because it feels like pacing and hills and anxiety all at once.
My favorite part is the very beginning especially with the "I suddenly drop off" because gosh you have described that image / feeling so perfectly and yet concisely too.
Small spelling error in last stanza "if want to fight" I think should be "if you want to fight".
I'm also curious about your choice to say that the force needs to be fed to fill the speaker's void, that was unexpected because I'd expect the metaphor to be "if you'd rather consume me and let me fill your voud" rather than feeding as that seems the opposite of what happens to fill yourself, but I'm guessing you have a reason for that, and I liked being surprised at that line.
Overall, this is really a nice experimental form poem!
(ps. NaPo?)
Let me know if you had questions about my review as I kinda just covered reactions but sould be happy to tackle something specific if you wanted feedback on a different part!
~alliyah
Thanks so much for the review!! I totally agree with everything you said about the stylistic choices! I didn't really love them, but it felt bland to not have anything for a flair -- so I'll definitely take your suggestions at playing around with the punctuation more, that didn't even occur to me as an option.
Ooh, this is an interesting point! Like, I can definitely get what you're saying -- but that's not at all what I was thinking of when I wrote this, and it's cool getting other perspectives on this
Okay, so, I accidentally wrote a book trying to explain it xD Sorry! I'll spoiler it so it doesn't take up too, too much space.
Spoiler
It sort of feels both like you're experiencing ALL emotions at once and also none of them at all, which probably doesn't make sense >.> But at baseline it feels like something is VERY wrong -- like you're missing something and are going to have a panic attack if you don't get it back now, but you don't know what it is that you need.
So I basically just over-stimulate myself to calm down, as backwards as that sounds lol. Like, "relaxing" things (like a bubble bath, reading, listening to gentle music, whatever) overwhelm me and kicks in my flight-or-fight response. And the only way I can really ground myself is to assault my senses.
So, like, last night, I took a 2 hour drive where I had the window down so the cold air was stinging my face, and my heat was blasting on my feet, so I had two different temperature sensations. And then I blared music with a really heavy beat, literally as loud as it would go. And then also drove
faster than I probably should haveso that I'd be forced to put a lot of energy into my sight as well as hearing and touch (and Oklahoma is farm-land, so had a lotta smells coming in through the window too lol).And, it sort of feels like I'm feeding it in that sense? The mania is the one demanding I get every single sensory simulation that I could, but in giving it what it wanted, it gave me peace... well, "peace" -- I'm still mid-manic-phase and had to start blasting my music again in order to stay calm enough to type this response lol -- but it fills in that "void" that feels very, very wrong inside of me by feeding into the stimulation the mania demands... does that make sense? I feel like I'm rambling at this point.
I guess the tl;dr is that the mania is this bottomless pit that demands to be satiated, and my options are: 1) give it that through external stimuli, or 2) it's going to trigger a panic attack to force me to generate those emotions myself (and that feels much, much worse).
When I was driving I was trying to think of how I could possibly describe how it feels, and had a moment where I was cresting a hill and had the stab of panic because I wasn't sure where the road was going to be, and realized that in that moment I liked that feeling -- and then thought that was the most distilled way of explaining what this is like. I know it's bad for me, but I still like it. And my rational brain hates that I like it.
Thanks again for the review! I'm glad you liked it, and your feedback is super helpful!
Ahhhh NaPo, I wasn't planning on it but I could do it, couldn't I???~ Shady
Hey I meant to give a better reply to this much earlier! You're so welcome for the review, glad it was helpful!
> Your explanation of the sort of counter-intuitive logic of the force needing to be fed definitely makes sense how you explain it! And I think the internal struggle aspect that you mention towards the end of your explanation really comes through what you wrote too. It's an uncomfortable thing to read about; but also something really powerful and though I haven't had that exact experience can definitely empathize with aspects of it. The poem does a wonderful job of translating emotion right to the reader in a really clear way.
Spoiler
> And on a personal note <3 I'm really sorry you've been going through such a rough time; and I know poetry has always been a really great processing piece for me to sort things out, so I'm hoping at least in a small way writing this could offer a bit of relief for you too. Sending good vibes your way Shady!
All the best! <3 Thanks again for sharing this poem, it was a good read!
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Gonna submit an A/N here about what this poem is about, feel free not to read if you'd rather form your own interpretation.
This was my attempt to explain what a hypomanic phase of a bipolar episode feels like. It's supposed to be a bit chaotic and make you feel a little out of control, but I'd love to hear how well-executed (or not) it is ^-^
Spoiler