shadows of my dejection

Hey Shady! Incoming review!

I'd first like to say, seasonal depression sucks, and you my friend have made such a telling piece that really describes the feelings you have towards it. It was also one of the few poems I understood the majority of the figurative language for! Also, reading the review below, I understand this is about a character I don't have knowledge of. So I will just interpret the poem as is. With that all said, let's get on with the review.

I'll start with critique.

beasts that crawl into your bed --
wrapping their claws around your throat
and digging their talons in
until you can't breathe.

This stanza just feels like it's missing a little bit of something. There is nothing inherently wrong with the stanza itself, it doesn't make the same impact on me as the other stanzas did. It feels more physical than the rest of the poem while most of the other imagery and action are more metaphorical. These feelings can surely feel real, but there is no one causing you to stop breathing. If you wee to change this, I would suggest painting more of a figureless-figure doing these things. The claws can be misshapen or the talons could be hazy.

My same critique applies to this stanza:

watching your strength wane day by day;
too weak to throw the blankets off
until they become your shackles
and the mattress becomes your cell.

This is very clear wording while the other parts are more of abstract concepts. I just personally like this stanza more because I understand this feeling. I'll get more into it when I share my praise. The only reason I can't critique this stanza as hard is because the blanket becoming shackles and the mattress becoming your cell is something that can't quite literally happen, but it happens mentally. In the previous stanza, someone can quite literally wrap their hands around your throat. Those were things that just felt a little off to me.

The one last thing to critique is very minor.

they say not to doubt in the darkness
what fate has revealed to you in the light --
but what about all the ominous creatures
that you were blinded to when it was too bright?

You rhyme "light" with "bright" and the rest of the poem does not follow a rhyming scheme. I will say, I have been mistaken in reviews when I tell people their poem does not follow a rhyming scheme but I'm pretty sure "table" doesn't rhyme with "away" lol. But the reason I bring this up is because the place you rhymed is in the fist stanza. I believe the first lines and first stanza are an introduction to the piece as a whole. With a rhyming point there, I believed subconsciously this would be a rhyming poem. I wasn't disappointed or anything, I was thrown a little off.

Okay, done with critique, now time to praise your work!

I can heavily relate to much of what you wrote. My bed at time has become my prison. I go to sleep at ungodly hours and the only thing that keeps me in bed is the weighted blanket I got recently. But when dawn comes and it's time to wake up for another demented day, I'm stuck. The twelve pound blanket feels like a ton and the blanket on top of that one tops it off with another twelve pounds. It really spoke to me.

the demons that creep out of your closet
and take a seat at your table;
emboldened by the knowledge that the dawn
will never come to drive them away.

This paints such a vivid picture in my mind. I know exactly what my demon looks like and when he sits at the table, he sips coffee and reads the newspaper. Like who even reads newspaper? That's how you know he's a bad guy. It is also a little ironic to me that they dawn can't drive them away, when my personal seasonal depression comes in Winter when there is a lack of sunlight during the day.

And the line that seals the bow is

the empty shell of a once-vibrant child
left to rot in the shadows of my dejection.

It is such a beautiful and somber way to end a poem. I love it.

Well that's all I have for today. I hope you found some of it useful! I was very happy to read this wonderful poem by you, Shady <3. I'll see you in the next one! Okay byeeeeeeeeee<333