16+ Language Violence Mature Content

Breaker of Chains - Chapter Seven

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.

For Tenyo's Last Man Standing. Enjoy! Word Count; 1,172 approx.

Chapter Seven

The dungeons were dark and dank, water dripping from the ceiling. Amara curled up under the thin blanket the guards had given her. It was cold, her breath misting in the air, but at least it wasn't cold enough to freeze what little water they'd been given. Everyone else was asleep, leaving her awake and shivering.

Two guards stood outside their cell, backs to the iron bars. Beyond them, she could see several torches sitting in wall-mounted sconces. Amara peered at them over the blanket bunched up beneath her nose. They were talking to each other in another language, making some kind of joke that was lost on her.

After that man's guard had collapsed, they'd been dragged back here. She assumed the man speaking was the prince. He had seemed to hold authority over the others. Amara frowned, gaze darting around their dimly lit cell. A tray of food sat just inside the door and beside it, there was a large jug of water. She was willing to bet neither would be appealing.

Amara was about to move closer to the others when the guards fell quiet and the light dimmed. She glanced over and froze. A single torch remained burning, and it the small pool of light it cast, she could see nothing but stone and iron. The two guards were gone, and it set her hackles up. They couldn't just be gone. Not like that. It was impossible. Amara flung the blanket off and stood up, casting a look across the cell. Her people were also gone.

Footsteps intruded, loud in the sudden silence that had descended. Amara faced the iron bars of her cell, firming her stance. She was beaten and bloody, and hadn't eaten in a couple of days, but she wasn't about to give him. She would stand firm or she would die. There was no in-between in her mind.

A shadowy figure stepped into the light cast by the torch and turned to face her. Amara stared it. She couldn't make out the person's gender, not with their hood up and shadows cloaking them, even in the low light. The only thing she could see were the eyes. They were frighteningly beautiful and glowing an eerie dark green. They met Amara's gaze and held it.

"Who are you?" she asked, taking a tentative step closer to the cell's rusty bars. Laughter echoed through the room and sent a chill down her spine. Amara froze mid-step. "What are you?"

"I am beyond understanding," they replied, and the voice was both male and female, but also neither. Amara's winced, grabbing her head. The odd nature of this person's voice hurt to hear. "I come bearing a message."

She frowned. "What message?"

"Kill them all."

Amara jerked back from the bars, blinking at the glowing green eyes peering out at her from beneath the stranger's hood. She didn't quit understand--or want to understand--what this stranger meant by that. "What?"

"Do with it as you will," was the reply. There was a deep, echoing chuckle--and that also hurt to hear. "But you must kill them all."

She blinked, and between one glimpse and the next, the stranger was gone. The torches burned brightly, and the two guards had turned to look at her. Amara swallowed, blinking away the echoes of glowing green eyes. Confusion flowed through her, but she stood still in front of the bars. One of the guards frowned at her.

"Git back," he barked in a rough voice. Amara flinched.

The other guard snorted and turned around to face her. "Do you need something?"

"No," she muttered, shaking her head. "No. I'm... I think I'm starting to see things that are not there."

"You should eat," the nicer guard told her, and then her turned back to face the hall as heavy footsteps echoed down it. Amara glanced down at the tray she'd nearly stepped on and grimaced, backing up. She refused to eat the food they gave her. It would be a form of submission, and she didn't want to give them ideas. "Ah, Sir Rindal."

A man she recognised stepped into view. Amara's gaze narrowed. "Kail," he said, smiling at the man who'd greeted him. Amara filed the name away for future use. "Raf." She watched him nod to the other guard, and filed that name away, too. "How's the prisoners?"

"Tired," said Raf, jerking a thumb over his shoulder. "This one is startin' to see things. Kailys thinks she needs to eat, but none of 'em are."

"I have a name," Amara hissed. She regreted it the moment all three men turned towards her. "And a title," she added, raising her chin. "You'd best learn how to use them."

"Still arrogant?" Rindal queried, but then he shook his head and pointed to the door. "Get them up. His Highness would like to see 'em again."

"Yes, sir," Raf said, snapping to attention. Kailys just turned towards the door, fiddling with a set of keys strung onto an iron ring. Amara backed up further, eyes on the three guards outside their cell door.

Kail unlocked it and stepped aside, letting Sir Rindal pushed open the heavy iron and enter the cell. Raf remained alert by the door as Kail followed the bigger man in. She avoided the big man like he had the plague, turning to keep all three of them in her field of view. Kailys took hold of her arm, bending to speak to her. She tensed, ready to fight, but he just smiled.

"Please," he said, tilting his head towards the others. "Don't fight us. The others will suffer for it."

Amara lowered her head and let him lead her from the cell. Behind them, she could hear Rindal yelling at her people, telling them to get up. She winced when someone cried out in pain. Apparently someone hadn't moved fast enough.

"Where are you taking us?" she muttered, eyes on the stone floor. Kail's grip tightened.

"Throne room," he grunted in reply. "Rindal doesn't lie. Not about this. Prince Arjana would like to see you."

"What does he want?"

Kail was silent for a moment. So silent for so long that Amara had to twist in his grip to get a glimpse of his face. It was unreadable. Kail jerked her back around, making her gasp in pain at the way his fingers dug into her arms. "How should I know? I'm just a lowly guard."

It was not the answer she'd been looking for, but at least she knew that even the palace guards did not know what was in their prince's head. Amara glanced up and saw a staircase ahead. Sunlight streamed in through a window onto the rug sitting on the first landing up. She let her eyes drop again, thinking of her visitors earlier--if it was even a visitor--and the message it had given her. Kill them all. She didn't think she had it in her to do that.

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Chaser
Review
Chaser wrote a review · Sun Sep 27, 2015 7:15 pm

I have no context for this chapter. However, it's Review Day.

Now, as far as plot goes, it's definitely intriguing! Seeing Amara's defiance makes the reader wonder what could possibly make her decide to kill them all. And that only builds up suspense for her meeting with the king.

As for style, while it was a little less vivid here, it still holds up well next to the dialogue. I think you might want some imagery of smell or touch, but that's really only an opinion for descriptive technique.

But naturally, the best part of this chapter is the characters. Amara makes an excellent and believable protagonist, while Kail and Raf are good representations of how people do bad things. Some flourish in it, while others are more apologetic. There's not much to say for Rindal here, but maybe I'm missing context. It's easy to get a feel for them all, though. Using dialogue to characterize them is both fitting and impressive.
The mysterious voice was characterized by Amara's observations, and really, you don't need to mention its androgynous nature more than once. Still, the things is says are delightfully creepy.

Overall, you've got a compelling plot moving at a nice pace here, with some excellent characters to push it forward. While I might ask for more description (the rank stench of a dungeon), this chapter is already pretty stellar. Cheers!


-Chaser

User avatar
Lightsong
Review

Hey! Phew! *swipes sweat* I'm here to complete my reviews! :D

After that man's guard had collapsed, they'd been dragged back here.


Since you're transitioning the time, I think it's better to put some "She recalled back what had happened earlier." to give clarity to the readers.

A tray of food sat just inside the door and beside it, there was a large jug of water.


There's no need for "there", going straight with "and beside it was" is just fine.

She was willing to bet neither would be appealing.


Straight with "neither was appealing" rather than going with the passive form.

A single torch remained burning, and it the small pool of light it cast, she could see nothing but stone and iron.


"With the small" instead of "it the small".

She was beaten and bloody, and hadn't eaten in a couple of days, but she wasn't about to give him.


Give in" instead of "give him".

Amara stared it.


"Stared at it".

The odd nature of this person's voice hurt to hear.


Insert "was" before "hurt". Wow, this person's voice alone is powerful.

She didn't quit understand--or want to understand--what this stranger meant by that.


Hmm, another unintended mistake. "Quite" instead of "quit".

"Git back," he barked in a rough voice.


I'm not sure if this is his accent, but if it's not, it should be "Get back."

"I'm... I think I'm starting to see things that are not there."


"Here" instead of "there" feels and sounds better.

"You should eat," the nicer guard told her, and then her turned back to face the hall as heavy footsteps echoed down it.


For the second "her", change it to "she".

She watched him nod to the other guard, and filed that name away, too.


No need for the second comma.

Overall, this chapter is interesting. More magic is involved, and now our lovely character, Amara, is left with a decision whether to kill "them" all or not by a mysterious figure who sounds either male and female or neither. Surely it is intriguing. I mean, I have the feeling that there's someone powerful behind the mysterious message bearer.

But then again, the focus here is on that message. Whoever makes it, I'm pretty he doesn't like Arjana and his people. And, as I'm a sucker for niceties, I like it when you said Amara doesn't have it to kill them all. But it isn't clear yet. Perhaps after what they would do to her people she would change her mind. I dunno. I think this is a chapter well done, keep it up! :D



Some people are hourglass shaped, some people are apple shaped, some people are pear shaped, some people are even bean pole shaped, but if we’re not careful we all become banana shaped. This is your gentle posture reminder.
— Ranger