18+ Language Violence Mature Content

Breaker of Chains - Chapter Thirteen [Intermission]

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

For Tenyo's LMS contest. Enjoy. Word Count; 1,197, approx.


Chapter Thirteen [Intermission]

The guardhouse on the border was deserted, giving him the perfect opportunity to head for the rendezvous point. His contact from Istaqa would be there shortly, but for now, it left him alone to consider how he was going to play out the meeting. Wold his contact be hostile? Would he be friendly? He didn't know, and wouldn't until the Istaqan noble got there. If the man was even nobility to start with.

Sighing, he leaned against a nearby tree and stared across the dark clearing that lay squarely on the border. His foot tapped away, stirring up dirt and leaves. The clearing was rather dry, and he was hardly surprised. It was, after all, high summer.

Something moved and his stiffened, gaze narrowing at the shadows across the meadow from him. It had been some time since he arrived, so he was expecting the Istaqan contact to show up soon. All the waiting was beginning to tear his nerves to pieces, and he had enough to be concerned about back at the palace with the Emperor comatose and a palace guard in a similar situation. If you asked him, the whole thing was a mess.

"Ho, there," a voice called out, making him jerk his head up. He watched with narrowed eyes as a figure stepped out of the shadowy tree line and into the clearing. They stopped on the Istaqan side of the clearing.

"Ho," he called back without moving, still wary of the meeting. They watched each other for a long moment before he pushed off the tree and approached the stranger. "Altan, is it?"

"Maybe," the stranger called back. "Sevuk?"

"Maybe," he echoed, a smug smirk turning up his lips. There was a snort, and then a flare of light. He blinked in surprise at the little glowing orb of blue-white flame. His contact was a mage? He swore. 

"Is there a problem?" 

Sevuk clamped his mouth shut and glared. He didn't trust mages, and especially not this mage--but the man had something he wanted. "No," he snapped, his tone curt. "No problem."

"Good," Altan muttered, and abruptly threw back his hood. "I tire of these games."

He sighed and threw his own hood back. "Really, Almaric?" he asked, rolling his eyes at the other man. "You insisted on this stupid setup. Spit it out before I get bored and leave."

"Come now, Taranis," the mage shot back with a smirk. Blue-white light flickered over his face. Taranis had never liked mages, and he certainly didn't trust Almaric, but they both wanted something. If they worked together, then they would both get what they wanted. "I'm just playing this game by your rules."

"I have no rules."

There was a long, tense moment of silence. Taranis stared at the mage, and Almaric stared back. The blue-white orb hovered between them, casting the area into a mix of shadow and light. He had to wonder what the mage was thinking, considering the man was rather tight-lipped about their plans. Taranis exhaled.

"Are you going to tell me why you called for this meeting, Almaric?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at the mage. Alamric smirked at him. It was then that he noticed the travelling bag slung over the mage's shoulder. "What it's in the bag?"

Almaric glanced down at the bag, smiled fondly and raised is gaze to meet Taranis's annoyed expression. "That's of no concern yet," he said, smile melting into a smirking. "We need to discuss terms of payment."

Taranis glared at the other man. "Seriously? You're asking for payment? Now?" Taranis threw his hands up, shaking his head at the mage. He began to pace, gesturing wildly the entire time. "We are not discussing this right now. Fuck, Almaric. You and I both want the same thing. You said nothing about any payment!"

"Enough," Almaric snapped, slashing a hand through the air. Taranis blinked, brought up short by the man's tone. The mage gestured for Taranis to come closer. He watched the Istaqan mage closely for a moment before he approached him, tense and wary. Almaric smiled fondly at him, dragging the travelling bag round in front of him.

He watched the mage's movement warily as Almaric dug into the bag and removed a dull river stone from it. Taranis stared at the stone, frowning. It was as a big as a baby's head, and barely fit into the mage's hand. He looked up to meet the mage's expression. The other man held it out to Taranis, who frowned deeper at him.

"Take it," Almaric insisted, shoving it towards him. When he didn't take it, Almaric sighed and looked towards the sky. "Gods, Taranis. Why all the hostile suspicion?"

Still suspicious, Taranis reached out for it. He hesitated before he took it and met Almaric's frustrated gaze over their hands. "What is it?" Tarans asked, peering at the stone with growing curiousity. When the mage didn't respond, Taranis shot him a dark look. "Spit it out, Almaric. What is this?"

The mage smiled. "You'll find out, Taranis," he replied, offering him the stone again. When Taranis didn't take it, he sighed and held it up. For a moment, the stone turned translucent, and Taranis swore he caught a glimpse of wings and scales. "Now, take it."

Curiousity warred with suspicious, and eventually the curiousity won out. Taranis plucked te stone out of the mage's hand with a wary look at the man's face. Almaric smiled, the upturn of his lips making his face appear more attractive, friendly. He studied it for a moment before putting it away. "So, what is it?"

Almaric's smile grew. "Ever heard the saying 'like taking treasure from a sleeping dragon', Taranis?"

His eyes widened and his gaze darted to the stone in his hands. Surely the mage didn't mean what Taranis thought he did? Another look at the mage's face told him that Almaric had. With a somewhat nervous smile, Taranis shoved the stone into his own travelling bag and slung it over his shoulder.

"How does it work?"

The man's eyes lingered on the bag sitting against Taranis's hip for a moment before he drew them up the other man's body to meet Taranis's dark gaze. "It's time-sensitive," the man replied, smirking at him. "You'd better hurry. The spell keeping that beast trapped wears out within the week. Make sure you place it somewhere appropriate." Almaric pulled his hood up and began to turn away. "I want the first thing it sees to be His Royal Highness, Crown Prince of Tahirna, Prince Arjana Tahir."

With that, Almaric swept out of the clearing. He left Taranis with more questions than answers and a dangerous beast trapped into a stone prison. Taranis heaved an exasperated sigh, pulled his hood up and turned away from the border to head back to the palace. He hoped no one would ask where he'd been for the last two weeks. The last thing he needed was nosy servants asking dangerous questions.

Comments & reviews · 2
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Vervain
Review
Vervain wrote a review · Sun Jan 31, 2016 7:22 pm

Hey, Scar~ So you know I'm not totally caught up on this, so I'm sorry if I don't critique overarching plot and characterization, but I'll try to focus on what I see in this chapter (or intermission, haha) alone.

Your plot intrigues me—as someone who hasn't read most of this novel so far, I'd be interested in reading about the characters of Almaric and Taranis. Whether that's a good thing or a bad one is up to you, but this feels like it could work as a first chapter as well as a thirteenth; it seems to introduce more plot threads tha it continues, but that could just be me reading this as an outsider to the work.

Now, onto the critique!

Sighing, he leaned against a nearby tree and stared across the dark clearing that lay squarely on the border. His foot tapped away, stirring up dirt and leaves. The clearing was rather dry, and he was hardly surprised. It was, after all, high summer.
I find your writing a little dry; this paragraph I picked out in particular because of the syntax you used in it, which mirrors that used in the rest of the chapter.

You have a lot of commas and a lot of sentences with similar structure: "Verbing, subject verbed" or "Subject verbed, verbing". I fall into that trap a lot in my own writing, but it can make your prose read in a monotone, where every sentence is the same and even the sentences that vary aren't different. ("Subject verbed, and subject verbed", for example, in your third sentence.)

This isn't necessarily a style critique, just something to watch out for while you're writing!

As for how you changed the characters' names mid-chapter after barely introducing them by name—well, it's a little confusing. Again, this might be because I don't know what's going on necessarily, but it might be smoother if you edited their exchange so you never quite confirm their names. "The man who might have been Sevuk", or just saying "his contact" instead of Altan, considering we'd understand them not using their real names in a conceivably dangerous political situation.

Well, that's all I have for this review, so you know what I'm gonna say ^^ Keep writing!

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silverhanded
Review

Hello, Meda here for a quick review~

There were just a few little typos that I noticed (nothing glaringly obvious, and nothing that really broke my immersion--just a small note.)

I like the world you describe. The plot is engaging and well-paced, and I am really interested in what you're talking about. The over-saturation of fantasy in the young writers type market makes it especially difficult to make something stand out, and I applaud you for making this interesting.



We know what we are, but know not what we may be.
— William Shakespeare