Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.
For Tenyo's LMS contest. Word Count; 1,114, approx.
Chapter Eleven
The room was large and airy, and far too bright after the dimness of the dungeon cell. Constantly moving between the dungeons and the throne room hadn't helped, either. There were white afterimages hovering over everything. Amara had to blink a few times to clear her sight. Once cleared, she saw the opulence for what it was; a gilded cage. She sighed.
"Is it to satisfaction?" Rindal asked, making her turn towards him. He stood just beside the doorway to the bedroom, arms crossed behind his back. Amara narrowed her gaze at him, watching as he watched her closely. What was she meant to do while he was in the room?
Nothing, not yet, she reminded herself gently and turned away, pacing towards the windows. They were wide and arched high to let more light into the room. Amara frowned, glancing towards the two girls and Baraz standing off to one side--she was silently asking a question. Baraz inclined his head in response. That was answer enough for her. It might just work.
"It will do," she said, sliding the guard a look. Then she went back to the window and rested a hand on the sill, leaning to look out of it. As soon as she moved too far, something gave her a sharp zap and she jerked back.
Rindal's laughter exploded from behind her and she whirled around to fix him with a dark look. He smirked at her. "The windows are warded. You won't be leaving these rooms through them."
She snorted and stepped away from the window, shaking her hand. "I noticed."
He just kept smirking. "I'll leave you to it, then," he said and turned on his heel to stride out of the room. Amara watched him until he was gone and then breathed a sigh of relief. It least they were no longer in the dungeons. She tried to smile as she left the window to join them by the wall.
Baraz smiled when she joined them. "Well?" he asked, looking around the room. His smile died and he dragged his gaze back to her. "Now what?"
Amara shrugged, glancing towards the girls. "There's a bath in the next room," she told them, tilting her head towards the room in question. "I think we are all in need of a nice, long soak in hot water."
The girls, Mylitta and Shala, smiled and darted for the door. It left her alone in the bedroom with Baraz. She watched the door they had disappeared through for a long moment before she sighed and turned away, wandering back towards the window. Amara ran a hand down her soiled dress absently, gazing out the window at the cloudless sky. Apparently, it was summer in Tahirna. She closed her eyes, enjoying the sun on her face while she remembered what Arjana had asked them to do.
"What would you have us do?" Baraz had been insistent. She had noticed that while she watched them interact. Arjana had seemed to withdraw from the conversation, but only enough to shutter his emotions. Still, she had seen past his mask. That didn't mean she trusted him.
"I...I don't know," the prince had responded, looking--and sounding--confused. He had given Baraz the oddest look, but with his true emotions shuttered, Amara had had no way on knowing what he wanted of them. Nor was she going to allow the man to use them. They were not tools, not pieces for him to move across a board. She would remind him that they were people. "Perhaps....we can come to an arrangement--if you tell me how to save him."
The 'him' Arjana had mentioned wasn't the Emperor. They all knew his father had to die. The bodyguard, the man he loved, on the other hand.... Amara would not trust him, but she wouldn't use him, either. Well, maybe a little. She had a feeling that Arjana would do anything for the man he loved. She hadn't been wrong on that point.
Amara had exchanged a look Baraz and that was all the permission the big man had needed. Now here she stood, in a private room. They hadn't discussed much, really. Just enough to organize things to the way they were now. Amara hadn't been planning on being the one moved to more acceptable quarters. Obviously, she hadn't had much choice in the matter. She could only hope Anatu and the others lived up to their end of the bargain. She would send Mylitta or Shala to check on them later. Perhaps she could even send Baraz. Only time would tell, and only if they were discrete. They didn't need the wrong eyes and ears to see past the illusion that Arjana offered.
"Excuse me, ma'am," a voice intruded, pulling her out of her memories. Amara blinked and turned towards the intruder. A young servant stood in the doorway to her room, Baraz's imposing form towering over their ambiguous figure in obvious disapproval. The new servant was giving the big man a wary look, but then they were turning towards her. "I was told to tend to you in whatever way you need of me."
Amara gave them a blank look, trying to figure the servant out. By sight, she was finding it difficult to decipher their gender, but by the sound of them, they were more male than female. She frowned. Amara decided to prompt them into action; "And you are?"
The figure gave a shallow bow. "Etana, ma'am," the servant said, gaze darting up to meet hers and then darting away. "His Highness said you may need me for.....special circumstances."
"Did he now?" Amara asked, stepping away from the window. She darted a gaze towards Baraz and gave him the slightest of nods. He backed away from the door and returned to his at-attention position. The servant gave him another wary look but entered the room, closing the door gently behind them. "So, how do I refer to you? You are....ambiguous at best. I must admit, I'm at a loss for reference here."
Etana stiffened for a moment, but then bowed their head and stepped further into the room. "It does not matter, princess," they murmured, keeping their gaze on the floor. "He, she, they. It applies all the same."
"You are Ethei?" she pressed and the servant nodded. "Interesting."
"As I said," Etana insisted, wringing their hands in obvious discomfort. "I am here to tend you in whatever way you need of me."
Amara exchanged a loaded look with Baraz. Arjana had just handed them a way to gather information. She turned to fix Etana with a friendly smile. "Excellent."
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Just...one...more...
Well then, this story's certainly been impressing me. Amara doesn't seem to trust Arjana fully, which is completely understandable and makes for a much more complicated situation, one that I adore. While I'm not entirely sure how the Ethei affects the story, I'm sure you'll show me with the impeccable logic you've been displaying thus far.
The style and setting are completely gorgeous here. The first paragraph especially seems to encompass everything read thus far. I especially liked this part:
Furthermore, you've got amazing word choice fitted between the dialogue, which is also stunning.
The characters here are just as intriguing. Amara's sharp mind coupled with the suggestion from a few chapters back will certainly make for an interesting mix. Baraz seems to get more and more likable with each passing chapter. Behaviors and cheery dialogue are a big part of that. Etana's character is a welcome contrast from all of the serious, imperious people in the last few chapters.
Overall, the plot remains impressive, and the style and characters have evolved into something truly beautiful. This, I believe, is the best chapter yet. Cheers!
-Chaser
Hey, Scarlett! Here's me for another review!


#NaRevWriMo #ReviewDay #GoTeamBigBang
As always, the suggestions;
Spoiler
I'm so iffy about the comma. I've never been told to have one before "either" or "neither". I just don't feel it serves any purpose here. Maybe a break in poetry but you aren't doing that here. >.>
"At least".
Ellipsis. I think it's better to use hyphen here.
"Nor"? Where's the "neither"?
"... a look with..."
Anyways. Back to the plot, characters, settings;
I would say there needs a transition of how Amara gets into the new place. Sure, you give us the flashback on how Arjana strikes a bargain with her but we aren't provided details. You don't have to reveal all of it - who knows there's a twist to it we should learn later? - but why the place? Giving some indication as to what its purpose is will the chapter more complete.
About characters. Hmm, I don't have much to say about this. Apparently Amara is still thinking about Arjana. I hope we'll know more about her. Her past, etc. I think that would make it an interesting reading, given the chance her past is not all clean and straight. I would also like to see more of her interaction with Baraz on personal level.
The settings, though. Kudos to you. I especially like it when she's trying to move past the window but is stopped. It's simple but a nice way of showing instead of telling. Apart from that, perhaps a bit more of Amara's facial features? And Baraz too? You don't have to tell it in one go but a bit would be nice. It would make me imagine them easier.
And that's all for today! Can't wait for the next chapter! Keep it up!