16+ Language Violence Mature Content

Breaker of Chains - Chapter Six

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.

For Tenyo's Last Man Standing contest. Enjoy. World Count; 853, approx.

Chapter Six

The infirmary's braziers glowed in the dull light, smoke wafting upwards in clearly defined pillars. Arjana stared out the window, one curtain deftly lifted to watch the rising sun over the infirmary's herb garden. He was directly across from the bed that the healers had put Kaisar on, and was refusing to look at him. 

Behind him, Arjana could hear the healers muttering amongst themselves. He fixed his attention firmly on the acolytes picking herbs in the garden. The pretty young men and women with their long hair pulled back behind their heads dressed in the blue-trimmed white robes worked hard. He knew they did. But they were also cared for. He made sure of that. Watching them reminded him of the way he used to watch Kaisar when they were younger, and that in turn reminded him of the conversation they'd had just the night before.

"What do you mean, 'something's wrong', Kaisar?" Arjana had paced across the room and back. The guard had left, but he would still be outside in the hall. If they started shouting, he would hear them and come to check on him.

Kaisar had sat down heavily on the bed. "Arjana," he said, voice growing weak. "I'm trying to show you, and yet you pace like a hen whose head was chopped off by the cook."

He'd paid attention then, turning towards the other man. And Kaisar had just lifted his shirt to show him the nasty mess of blue-black cut through by rotting silk stitches. Arjana had sucked in a sharp breath, eyes gone wide. The wound had not healed. In fact, it had gotten worse. How had he not noticed that?

"By the gods," he whispered, going to Kaisar and dropping to his knees before him. He wasn't sure whether to touch the festering wound or not. Of course, his lover made the choice for him, gesturing for Arjana to keep his distance. He knew it was to keep him safe, lest the poison somehow transfer to him. "When did this happen?"

"This afternoon," Kaisar whispered, tugging the shirt down. He met Arjana's eyes with weary, fearful ones. He had been scared, and he was not afraid to show him that. This was not the Kaisar he'd grown up with. This was a new Kaisar, one who knew death was coming. Evidentially, he was willing to face it for him. "It has grown worse since then."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you would have betrayed what we are to the court, Arjana," the other man told him, covering the wound with one hand. Arjana lowered his head. They just needed a few more days. "And we cannot risk it. We need to end it, and to do so.... you need to be Emperor."

"Sire?" The healer's soft voice intruded on his musings where yelling would not have. He turned towards the man, letting the curtain drop back into place. The bald, dark skinned healer inclined his head but he didn't look away. Arjana wouldn't harm him, and they both knew that. In fact, this particular healer was the one he brought injured slaves to, and then they integrated them into the staff. 

"Yes?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at the man. He'd asked Kaisar to hold out just a little longer, but that had proved to be his undoing. It was how he'd ended up there, in the infirmary. Ajana had miscalculated. They didn't have enough time. And the mention of a sister to deal with... Arjana shook his head, trying to focus.

The healer dropped his eyes. "He is unresponsive," he said, voice still soft. "We cannot wake him, my prince. The other healers and I have tried everything." He half-turned back to the infirmary bed, gesturing to the man who lay in it. "The poison used on both him and the Emperor is dangerous, and bespelled."

Arjana's gaze narrowed. "Bespelled?"

"Yes, sire," the healer replied, "we discovered that it's belladonna mixed with some rather nasty spell work."

He frowned and stepped away from the window, gaze darting to Kaisar. "You mean there's a mage involved?" he questioned, drifting slowly closer to the man he loved. The healer followed him on soft footsteps. "I don't like this."

"That is what we are thinking, sire," the healer said, moving ahead of him to join the two young women attending to Kaisar's wound. "You must know....as healers, we are unable to counteract this spell woven into the poison. It's in his blood, and there's not enough time."

Arjana's gaze narrowed at that, and he turned towards the other man. "Not enough time?" he asked, voice sharp. He watched the healer for a long moment, watching the bald man tend to his lover. Annoyed, he added; "For what?"

The healer glanced up at him, hands resting lightly on the edge of the infirmary bed. The words he used next put a chill down Arjana's spine, and were like a dagger to his heart. He watched the man's face, and sensed no betrayal as the healer spoke.

"For us to save both of them."

Comments & reviews · 3
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

I should have seen it coming. Why didn't I? The relationship was too cool and I was just getting the hang of liking Kaisar a lot. Then BAM. He's wounded, infected, the healers can't get it out because of a spell. Scar, that's not cool. Well, it is cool, but... Not. Cool. I mean, you were making this relationship just seem like it was going to be the bomb, and even while there's this nasty wound in his side, they still... Aaahhh. Never mind.

That plot twist at the end. It makes me super glad to see as I always like this thing. It adds a cool element to it. And I absolutely love this. I mean, that's a hard choice for Arjana to make. Well, because he wants the emperor dead, but then it'd look like he would put a slave's life above his father. Ohoohooo...

Bespelled is a really weird word. Maybe Enchanted or something along those lines. It just sounds somewhat better.

Arjana is so cold but also warm, if that makes any sense. I mean, he's always got a thought for something, and listening to his thoughts makes me pretty happy.

And wow. I didn't even realize that it was a flashback. It kinda just flowed in there, and I barely had to cough and look back to see if I missed something. And thinking about it, if I re-read it a second time, I see perfectly well why Arjana's tense. I'd certainly be tense.

So, yeah. That's pretty much all I've got to say in this review I know it isn't much, just me kinda babbling all over a review, but I'm trying to find something for me to poke at to balance it out. I can't find much. Bespelled was the only word that bugged me. So yeah. Great chapter! I'll be reading more to see Arjana's reaction and how it goes after this.
Keep Writing, Scar!
*Chiravian flies away*

User avatar
TheSilverFox
Review

Hello, Scar! I'm here to review your work! :D

Wow...this is quite the plot twist here. O_O Kaisar's life is now in more danger than Arjana can possibly imagine, and now he has to make a serious decision; whose life to save? Frankly, I like how you develop this severe and powerful conflict in the course of the chapter. For instance, your use of a flashback to help the reader catch up to the events of the story is a nice touch, particularly in the way that you so seamlessly incorporated it into the story. Furthermore, your incredible descriptions of the setting of the story also help to develop the conflict by leaving the reader with a growing sense of suspense and horror at the situation. I can see the infirmary in my mind, see Kaisar's horrible wound, and the chilling words as the healer informs Arjana that only one of the two poisoned can live. This story is exceptionally well-executed, and I'm impressed by how polished and suspenseful the conflict it.

However, my favorite part is the major question itself. Kaisar and Arjana are in love; there's no doubt about it. In spite of this, for obvious reasons, they cannot reveal this relationship to the Court without experiencing severe repercussions. Now, however, Kaisar is on his deathbed. He is unresponsive, and might die if Arjana doesn't do something. Worse yet, so is the Emperor. Now Arjana needs to decide what to do; should he save his lover and become the Emperor, or save his father and let his lover die? This question is so skillfully implemented into the chapter, and I'm stunned by how well you've included it.

In all, I deeply enjoyed reading the story. The conflict is stunning, and the entire story leaves me eager to learn more. The character's plights and emotions are communicated well. The details related to the setting and the plot are immaculate, and you did a great job composing this work and building those details. In all, I love the story, and I can't wait for more. Well done! :D

User avatar
Lightsong
Review

Hey, I'm here to review! Two more to go! *swipes sweat* :D

Watching them reminded him of the way he used to watch Kaisar when they were younger, and that in turn reminded him of the conversation they'd had just the night before.


There's no need to say "had had", just saying "... the conversation they had just the..." is just fine.

Evidentially, he was willing to face it for him.


"Evidentially"? Why not "evidently"?

"Sire?" The healer's soft voice intruded on his musings where yelling would not have.


"Intruded into" rather than "intruded on".

The bald, dark skinned healer inclined his head but he didn't look away.


Remove the "he".

Ajana had miscalculated.


Missed an "r" in Ajana here.

"You must know....as healers, we are unable to counteract this spell woven into the poison.


I'm a sucker for perfection, so bear with me. "...know... as healers". Always three dots, not less, not more. xD

"For us to save both of them."


Just a suggestion, rephrasing this to "For us to save them both" sounds more urgent and direct.

Overall, this is unexpected. Truly. So Kaisar did have his wound healed, but the healing doesn't work. Curious. Arjana told the healers to heal it again, but now they had discovered something - there's sorcery being used for the poison wounding Kaisar. With spells come a mage and... I like mage! :O I also feel like the last line, "For us to save both of them" serves not just to say the saving is not only for Kaisar but also for Arjana's father, and I'm sure Arjana doesn't want that, he wants to be Emperor after all.

I like this chapter. It makes the stakes higher, like, there's real danger around now, and there are mages involved! I like how the it has the fantasy feeling in this chapter. Keep it up! :D



Facebook is that cockroach that you just can't kill
— Gravity