Maybe it was all a dream. Maybe I was imagining it. It can't be real! The sky had exchanged it's colors with all plants; the moon rose in the day and the sun at night; animals could talk. I thought I was mad. Was I going crazy? I could feel everything; I could smell the flowers; I could touch the bright green water. It wasn’t algae it was real.
"Where have you come from?" a turtle asked me.
"I am from here."
"I haven't seen you before," said the turtle in confusion.
"Ha-have you seen my family?" I asked as I wondered why I was consulting an animal.
"No, little miss I must be on my way."
Well if a turtle hadn't seen my parents, I just assumed none of the others did. So, I explored and found many things to amuse myself with. I swam in the green ocean and I gazed at a green sky. Then I went around the place and looked at the blue grass.
I lied there and imagined myself in the sky tasting the sweet clouds. Well I was so much caught up in a fantasy world it became real to me. I danced in the sky and rode on purple dragons and draped myself with their flames. I became their queen and I grew up within moments.
They invited me to a party and I showed them a clock I had in my dress pocket. They marveled at it for hours as I went around their castle in the sky. Green smoke seeped in threw the walls and formed a lady. She danced for me and welcomed me with a warm smile. We curtsied and went about our own business.
I tasted the cake they offered me and fell asleep. I woke up the next day and met a prince. His name was Martin he was the prince of the sky. He wanted to take my hand in marriage but he explained that I would have to win against another in a dance.
I met her before we did. She was tall and ugly her words ate at my brain and spat at my face. I didn’t want a prince as nice as Martin to marry such a witch so I accepted the challenge. We met at a giant cloud in the sky. It glowed pink and red and it smelt like cherries. My imagination got the better of me then. I won the contest and married the prince. I wanted then to wake up from my dream--my imagination but I couldn’t.
I ran as fast as I could in the sky but I couldn’t come back to earth. The dragons all asked me,
"Why leave my lady? There's still fun to be had."
I didn’t look back I kept running but when the prince heard that I was trying to leave he followed me and turned into a lion. He pounced at me with his giant claws engaged but I ran. I ran and ran and ran till I fell threw a void. It swallowed me whole. I came back to earth but couldn't gain control of my body again. I was trapped!
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140,212 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Hi!
I found this story very humorous and well-written. I liked the idea you had here. It was very creative. What I like about the story was really the writing.
Now, on to the complications:
Twice, you had the words "threw". I understood what you meant when you had them in the story, but they were supposed to be spelled "through".
I had seen some punctuation errors, mostly not adding commas to certain places. Here is an example:
"Well I was so much caught up..." You should add a comma after "well". Commas are supposed to separate words and groups of words. I hope this makes sense.
Other than that, I really enjoyed the story. I just loved the writing. Great job.
Good luck and keep writing!
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01.
Thanks @fantasydragon01!
I laughed all the way through. Your imagination is wild! The story changed directions often, but that was the point! That’s what free writing is all about.
I love this! This sentence reflects the freedom you felt exploring your dream world. The second you returned to reality, it hit you that some things are not in your control. It made you feel trapped.
Very well done for this piece! Even if it doesn’t have a clear structure and you brushed over the details, it represented a path of your imagination, leading to nowhere specifically. I applaud you for your creativity.
Well done, and keep writing!
Thank you so much! I am glad you enjoyed reading my thoughts.
Hi Wonderwoman!
First of all, your writing is beautiful! You allowed me to transport myself into your world you have painted, which I know all authors want to achieve. My only note was is the sentence,
"No ms. I must be in my way.", you should say miss instead of ms. Once again, your writing is beautiful, and I am excited to see what you do in the future!
Thank you very much. I hope to write more.
Sinful just dropping a review...
For starters, I want t say that I had a magnificent time reading this piece. It was imaginative and creative; that is what I love. And not only did it held some imaginative ideas, but it was very detailed and descriptive. I love it.
Now on to the review,
I noticed that you used simple words and some details. Though I think you could add more descriptions and details as well, I mean what did the dragons look like? What color was their scales? did they have spikes on their tails? Or very sharp teeth? Make this interesting to read. Did this throughout your entire story, ask yourself questions like: what did this look like? Or what did this smell like? Simple stuff like that make huge differences.
I noticed you used some punctuation where they are not suppose to belong. Like this...
"blue-grass"
Just change it to blue grass. Reread the story out loud to yourself so you can catch little mistakes like that. And be specific when explaining important events, like what was the dance contest suppose to prove? Why did the prince pick the dance contest? Make it interesting instead of having it be like.
So yeah, we danced and I won. The happy ending.
Make it epic just like wonderwoman and superman. You see what I am saying? But besides all of that, it was a interesting read. Stay cool and keep writing, hope to see more from you in the future.
Hey Gorgeous! Thanks for your review this is very helpful to me. I will slip in some more description and add more details to my short story. Enjoy the rest of your day and don't forget to click "like" if you enjoyed it!