Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
Many hardships followed but Emma's mom recovered and Emma also. The pain was almost gone and the only kind that was left was the kind that lingers when a family is broken. Emma cared very much for her family and she tried to make them get back together but it was possible: they had so much heartbreaks: there wasn’t a point in recovering what was lost. They were home and resting one night till Emma woke up screaming, she was having another panic attack. These had been happening almost every other day since the attack, but she always had the comfort of her father's presence.
"Ahh!" she screamed as her body shook.
"Baby, baby, I'm here," David assured her as soon as her reached her room.
"I can't keep going on like this. I need a way out!"
He father was her idol and she was his princess, if they couldn’t get out of a situation then they'd use each others comfort. He rocked her body and she clinged to him. She almost look like a cat clawing into the carpet. She was imagining Eliot again.
"Is he here?! Where is he? He's going to find me later!"
Though Eliot didn’t know where she was right now, she could see him right in front of her. She seemed to shrink when she hugged her father and he made it all go away.
"If you weren't here, I don’t know what I'd do."
He smiled at her after she said that and gave her some hope by saying,
"Em, I know what it's like to be afraid and I know how hard it can be to overcome a fear; but you need to let go. It's going to start playing with your mind. You need to grab it with your mind and concur it."
She looked at him with hope once again and smiled. It had been weeks since she had last smiled to anyone. Her heart had faith in his words and she started to forget Eliot.
"I know that you don’t believe in God like I do, but call out to Him and you'll always be heard. And no matter how far He seems to be he'll always be right next to you holding your hand and bringing you through whatever the situation is."
"Why did God let me suffer in the first place then? And why didn’t He come for me?"
Emma couldn’t grasp an answer so she asked her dad,
"Why would God let us go through terrible things then?"
"No one knows the answer to things like that, but I believe the Devil takes part there. Though God has all the power to stop these things, I think He has a purpose for them."
He looked at Em with true conviction when he said those things; she knew her father wouldn’t lie to her about something he believed so strongly in, so she decide to trust him. Emma went back to school on Monday after her wounds had healed and saw her friends. People looked at her differently now that she had scars but the one person who didn’t care about that was her friend, Elisa.
"Hey, El!" Emma greeted when she saw her friend.
"Hello Em--oo those scars. What happened?" she asked as she looked at the one on her head.
"I was attacked," she said remembering it.
"That’s horrible! Was it someone at school?"
"No. He said his name was Eliot the day he kidnapped me."
She told her all about it but it was difficult and she wanted to burst into tears when she told half of it.
She told her: "I was going to school one day by foot because my dad couldn’t drive me. Uh, the car had broken down. There was this man who seemed nice at first he asked me,
"Hey, want a ride?"
Of course I said yes because I didn’t want to seem rude and I didn’t want to be late for school. He asked me where I wanted to go and I told him the name of the school then he locked the doors. It didn’t seem like anything much at first but then when he passed the school without letting me go...I knew something was wrong. He had the windows rolled up and I tried to get people's attention so they'd help me, but it was no use. He made me pass out with some sort of drug on a piece of cloth and I woke up in his house tied to a chair. That’s when he started to hurt me."
Emma stopped there and didn’t go into any details with her friend. They went into the school and had class together then they went into the caffateria and had lunch. Lots of her old friends were looking at her odd but Elsa didn’t mind, she was her closest and most loyal friend.
"Hey Emma what happened to you? Trip over a curb like the idiot you are?" one of the mean boys asked.
"Leave her alone," Elisa said as she tried to shoo him away from their table.
"You gonna answer me brat?" he teased.
Emma tried to ignore him but she couldn’t they dated before but now, now he didn’t care for her. He thought she looked terrible and he was trying to make her feel bad about herself like the jerk he was.
"I'm not going to tell you Glenn," she said as she turned back to her food.
"Bitch!" he said.
Emma was raging mad now. She slammed her hand on the table and pushed the chair away.
"Glenn, go away."
"What are you going to do about it bitch?" he asked.
The rest of the teens in the caffateria started cheering,
"Fight, fight, fight!"
They knew it was going to happen but the one to hit first was Emma; she took her fist and planted it in his face.
End of chapter
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HEYO, I made it for a review. This will be my second review out of three, meaning you helped me get my third star, that I'm going to get after I review something else.
"The pain was almost gone but the only kind that was left was the one that lingers when a family is broken."
"...but it was impossible." End that sentence there and start the next one. "They had so many heartbreaks, to the point where there wasn't a point in recovering what was lost." See what I did there.
The next sentence, separate it from that paragraph.
"...she clung to him." Now I'm confused on her you went from her waking up from a nightmare to her imagining him there. Shouldn't she talk about her nightmare, then imagine him there. Make it seem as if the nightmare was coming true as she was saying it. Give us that illusion on it, maybe? Oh and separate the she was imaging...part from that; it just doesn't seem like it fit.
You don't have to capitalize the 'h' in him after the word God.
Okay, you have a couple of paragraphs where some of the sentences don't match. Like thay need to be in their own paragraph. Like here.
You should add the first line to the previous quote. Then turn the second sentence into a new paragraph.
After this, because it seems as though she's telling it. I feel you should make it in a flashback. Truly, we don't know how he came to find her only, that she escaped from him. Now that I'm thinking about, I didn't even wonder how he came by her. You should make use wonder that.
Okay, I admit, at first I didn't know where this whole story was going, but not that it's taken this turn. I can honestly say, I like how this chapter ended, but it feel like I jumped into a different book. Maybe the first chapter should be about school and her taking care of her sister or something and then her getting kidnapped. I don't know. I jut feel like it jumped big time, and I mean BIG time.
I know it's not going at a slow pace. Put this is a time/story jump for me. One minute she's fighting to get away from her attacker, next she's in a hospital, then recovering/ having night terrors, then going to school and punching someone. I think we need more of her background before she's kidnapped, shoot even before she goes back to school to be honest. I don't know, but that's kind of how I feel while and after reading this one.
Well that's really all I have for you right now chicka.
-Sharrae out, tottles
Don't worry, I'd still read the next one, no matter what.
Ah I figured it out, you need a Prologue. Yepp that's definitely what you need.
Okay, I'll put a prologue but I'm not sure where. Maybe at the beginning of the chapter? I was trying to make it like a flash back but I guess I didn't completely capture it. Thanks for your reviews Sharrae!
The Prologue is up to you, but yeah the flashback needs some work, but hey that's why you have me and @ArtStyx as your DS Crig-cycle
Hehehe
I like the father-daughter relationship you have developed in this chapter. It shows their closeness, and how they depend and support each other through good and bad times. The plot’s progressing, yet it feels a little slow. Perhaps, you should focus on injecting mystery, thrill and suspense into it. That is more likely to engage your readers. The thing that confused me is why her friend didn’t know about her situation. If they are close and loyal to each other as you say, Elisa should know as soon as Emma was admitted to the hospital. Moreover, when Emma tells Elisa what happened, give us a flashback to show how Elliot kidnapped her. Don’t tell us in the dialogues; else, it feels as if you’re info-dumping.
I love the ending! It’s rare to read about a character getting into a fight with their ex-boyfriend. That was original! I have noticed some grammatical and punctuation errors, so try and read over your work to address them. Overall, good effort! Well done, and keep writing!
Hey, thanks this is greatly appreciated!
No problem!