She was standing in between pillars of stones almost making a full circle around her. She was exhausted to the point of fainting but she knew she had to carry on fighting. Her head convulsed and she saw everything covered with spots. She held an ax with a silvery shine and the hilt was wrapped with leather. The ax head shone like none before it with mysterious imprints. The beast was almost upon her and she felt the warmth of his breath. His name was Bared the biggest and last of his kind. He had scars from former fights with her but none like this. Bared was intelligent and Zeight was determined. They both had a chance of winning but Bared being so much larger than Zeight. Bared had a better chance of winning. Zeight was slender and beautiful. She had the face of an angel and long, dark brown hair that reached the back of her knees. She was a beautiful elf. The most beautiful of her time. Her eyes were her most striking feature they glimmered and danced with eagerness. They were black as night in the middle and as brown as a female robins back on the outer edge. But Bared in his anger and fierce fury growled a horrible growl and started into her eyes ready to tear her to pieces and steal her precious gem.
This gem was very unique. Whoever had this luminous red gem had the power to rule the kingdom of Nayoke. She would defend her heritage through death though and he would not get the gem till he pried it from her cold dead hands.
"Give up little girl you cannot escape the strength of Bared! Your attempts and petty and weak you cannot win. You wont! I have the strength of one-hundred men. I have teeth that could pierce through your pathetic armor. I can see for miles. You can't escape me!"
"You stupid beast. Have you forgotten where this axe comes from? It was made by my father and he killed many of your kin as you well remember. You can no longer intimidate me...beast from hell!"
"You shall die quickly. I will try to make this as painful as possible!" Bared yelled as he roared and charged towards her.
He jumped at her but she was quick to dodge his attack. She swung her ax at him but she only missed. She then jumped behind him and ran a few yards away from him. He then turned around to face her again and he charged faster then before. She readied her axe and planted her feet. He knocked her over and she was now filled with unforgivable rage. She got up charged and swung her axe, it hit him but not enough to do any real damage.
"I told you your attempts are weak. You have only managed to cut my fur and anger me more." She ignored his comment and continued to fight him. He then leaped on her and she was pressed tightly to the floor. She was about to receive the ending blow, but she sliced his right ear and some of his right face. Blood squirted on her to the point of soaking her whole body.
"Damn you!" he growled in a tone of hate. He then took his chance at revenge and bit her shoulder. Blood started to flow like lava from a volcano. The fight continued though and there was a lot of hate and anger flowing around them. For ten minutes the fight raced on and they both were now at the end of the battle. He bled like a flowing river and Zeight shared an equal amount of pain and the few jammed fingers from hitting him so hard.
"Why don't you give up little girl? You cannot hope to win. Why not fall to your grave and rest?"
"Because I made a promise to myself. If I was to go on living, I was to first slay the beast that killed my family and haunted my every footstep. I have not come this far in a fight to back down."
Bared then stood up on his hind legs and roared the loudest he could. Zeight just stared him in the eyes in a calm nature trying to ignore her pain. Bared jumped in front of her and swung his paws at her but she dodged them and ended his last breath with a ax to his bloody skull. Feeling victorious and safe, she fell to the ground and rested till the next day.
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This was really good. I liked the detail put in and the plot was exciting I wish it would have been a bit longer maybe a little more background on her past as well as a little on Bared. And Bared, what exactly is he if Zeight is an Elf? You depict him being big and intelligent and at one point having paws. What is he though? What creature? But still I really liked reading it.
I believe I stated he was a bear...hmmm maybe not. Don't forget to "like" it if you enjoyed my story.
Really nice story, just a few things though. One, try not to say your characters' names so much. Two, dialogue is what makes stories, but too much of any good thing is a bad thing. Other than that though, it's great. Keep writing.
Nice story idea. But the first paragraph describing the setting, you use a lot of unnecessary words.
!!!!!!!!@#!!@##!!##!!!!
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Like when people accidentally use the word Whom in the wrong context.
"The beast was almost upon her and she felt the warmth of his breath. His name was Bared..."
~ Maybe introduce his name first?~
Also, if this is supposed to be her big battle to fulfill her ambition, be more descriptive.
That's all I got!! It was amazing besides all that.
Now I will fill the bottom of this comment Ruth unnecessary exclamation marks.
!!#!!!!!!!!#!!!#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!###!!###!!!!!!! %###!!!!##&23(+;;9:_5$#!#####!!! %()//#!!!!###!#!!##_#=(#!!!!!!!
Amazing 10/10. Keep writing. Put more detail next time?
Thank you I needed some encouragement. I will try to slip in some more details.
For starters, I think your writing style is really great! There are a few errors that could easily be fixed, though (run-ons, punctuation, etcc).

In my opinion, I believe the story would be much more interesting if the ending was a bit longer (a sentence or two).
Other than that it was pretty amazing! Hope i can read more of your work in the future.
Have a nice day.
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I have made some changes. I hope this helped.
Hello.
Kanome here with a review.
I like the story, but there are errors that need to be fixed. This piece needs a lot of work to be done before published.
Nitpicks:
- The first paragraph has many run-on sentences. I suggest revising and grammar usage for this paragraph.
- In the fourth paragraph, change your to you're.
- Explain how the bear is huge as a master bedroom. Is that physically possible?
- Punctuation usage is needed. Commas need to be placed in certain areas, and periods need to be placed in certain areas.
I personally love the story plot itself, but this needs a little bit more improvement.
If you have any questions regarding to this, feel free to PM me.
Keep writing and have a nice day!
Kanome
Hey thanks. Yes it definitely needs more works. Haha.