Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.
Time passed slowly when Emma lost her mother. Her soul had died and her eyes grew dim. It was as if she couldn’t be happy. Her body was bruised and weary but it soon began to regain its strength. After the attack she took and the car accident Emma was spiritually broken.
She never spoke again after her mother died and she never smiled. David worried about her so much; he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night thinking about how he could have done better but the truth was, he couldn’t. He couldn’t see the future and he couldn’t have stopped the accident but he prayed daily for Emma. He prayed that one day she'd speak to him again and he too didn’t feel happy. Rosy didn’t know how to take the whole thing. She cried for weeks but soon began to move on with her life but Emma saddly did not.
Emma laid in a hospital bed staring at the blank ceiling. Thoughts consumed her mind and pain ate at her body. She couldn’t feel it though--she couldn’t feel her physical pain. The pain in her heart and her soul slowly crushed her. She wouldn’t talk, she'd only stare and breathe. Her father wanted to get her out of the hospital but she still had not healed enough to be walking around. She was supposed to have healed days ago, but she wouldn’t because she didn’t want to get better. She was almost crazy. She couldn’t feel anyone touching her she could only feel pain inside.
Elsa came to see Emma one day and tried to cheer her up.
"Emma? It's me. I'm so sorry," she said trying to imagine what she felt.
Emma didn’t respond she just stared at the wall in front of her. She didn’t even move her hands, or smile, or twitch--or anything. She was like a living statue.
"I know how you feel. I remember when my mom passed...but there's nothing we can do. And it's not your fault. I just want you to know I love you, Emma."
She wouldn’t didn’t move.
"I wish you'd talk to me. How, I wish to hear your voice again. Please, Emma don’t shut me out. I want to help you."
Elsa stayed with her for an hour showing her pictures of them together and holding her cold hand but Emma never moved. Elsa tried her best but she couldn’t take looking at her like that anymore. She kissed her friend's cheek and left her in the solitude of the damp hospital room. There was a window to her right and to her left a machine very familiar to her. It was the same one she saw last time she was there. Emma heard many sounds and smelt many odd things but she never moved her head to look. She was lying is self-pity.
Rosy came to visit her again with her father but they couldn’t get a word from her either. The only response she gave to her sister was a slow movement from her frail arm.
A week passed and she had many family members visit her but the only one she responded to was Rosy. The hospital let her leave but she always laid in her bed. David couldn’t take it anymore so, he drove her to a therapist every Friday.
After a three weeks of going to the therapist Emma would move her head and touch things. The therapist asked her,
"Tell me Emma, why don’t you speak anymore?"
She looked at him but nothing more.
"Don’t you want to talk?" he asked sweetly.
She stared at him as a small tear ran down her cheek.
He saw her pain and didn’t mean to ask her again. He gave her physical therapy and she was soon walking again.
The world was a dark and lonesome place to her and the faces she once found happy weren't anymore. Eliot had done it! The bastard had acomplished his goal but all he had to do now was kill her. He was tracking her down now but he didn’t find much luck till he ran into one of her friends at school, Elsa.
"Hello Miss, I'm looking for someone. Could you help me?"
"Umm, sure I don’t know how much help I can be to you though."
"Okay, well have you seen a girl maybe 5.6' with long brown hair and green eyes? Oh, uh, her name is Emma," he asked politely.
"Yeah, sure, umm, why do you ask?"
"I'm a friend of her's," he said quickly.
"Wouldn’t you know where to find her then?" she asked in confusion.
"Not since she moved."
"Oh, well, she lives down by Wall Street ...in the tall green building with the annoying bulldog. Haha."
"Thanks," he said as he head to Emma's home.
"You're welcome!"
Emma never gave Elsa a description of Eliot so, Elsa didn’t know she just pointed him to his victim. He got in his car and searched meticulously through the streets of New York.
Emma was inside watering the plants by the window and smelling the elegant fragrance that emitted from their beautiful petals. The day grew sunny and she felt a beam happiness touch her heart.
"D--d..." she said as she tried to call her father.
"D--dda...d... Da!" she tried.
"Emma?!" he said in excitement as he ran to hug her.
She pushed him away lightly before he had time to hug her to show him that she wanted desperately to try again.
"D--a...daaa....daaaad," she managed to say.
He looked into her dim eyes and smiled. This was the first time she had spoken to him in months.
"Rosy!" he called, "She's speaking!"
Rosy ran down the stairs in happiness and hugged the beloved sister she once knew.
End of chapter
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I'm here! Sorry for the late (short) review.
Shouldn't Elsa be a little bit suspicious of Elliot? Since they are close, Emma would have mentioned another friend to her.
In more than half of the chapter, Emma doesn’t talk to people. Hence, towards the end, it feels unrealistic that she attempts to talk all of a sudden. This can be fixed in two ways. Either you:
1. Improve the first half of the chapter. Perhaps, she begins to talk, but not as much as she did before. She could give monosyllabic answers. Then, in the end, she might form a sentence, making her Dad happy.
2. Or, add more details to the following paragraph:
Tell us why she felt she should talk. What does she see or feel that encourages her to speak?
I don’t understand why Elliot’s after Emma. Shouldn’t he be looking for Rosy instead? Didn’t Rosy do something to anger him, which resulted in Emma to get kidnapped?
I liked the fact that you took time to describe her pain and loss, and the impact it had on her. You’re taking the time to develop your scenes and characters. Good effort!
Well done, and keep writing!
Oh Art, you must not have read my edit. I changed the first chapter. XD That's probably why you're confused. Thanks for taking the time to review my work again!
Oh! I get it.
No problem. Glad I could help.
Great!
In the third paragraph, I get she's mentally feeling pain and not physical pain. You've said it a couple of times, within and with other paragraphs, even the last chapter. So Don't over-say that she's in pain, mentally. You can say it SO many ways, but it's better if you don't. If you do it'll seem like fillers.
Hmmm....work with this.
Take out mean to in this sentence, it make since.
AWEH *tears*
Although, I feel you should have included Eliot in a different way. Not that I saw it coming because I didn't, but after the car wreck, I feel he would have saw it and started then looking for him. That sounds better. But question, why is he trying to find her now? Honestly I forgot about him. That's a good and a bad thing because then I'll have to go back and remember why he's after her. So maybe add a little more detail on her injuries.
Whelp, that's all I have to say.
~Sharrae out, tottles
Thanks again! And the reason he's after her again is to finish what he started because he didn't kill her yet. And yes, I was trying to get the reader to forget him for awhile.
Well good job there
Ty
What? I haven't even read pt. 5 yet. Starfire! I will read and review this right after the fifth one.