z

Young Writers Society


12+

The Secret of The Swan Ch9

by Rin321


Jimin reached into the large cardboard box of mixed chips and continued to load the shelves. He pulled out a bag of Cheetos and a smile crept onto his face before he could realize what he was doing. He thought back to a few days ago when he had formally met Taehyung.

He felt like when he spent the little time with Taehyung that he had made a connection that started to fill a dark hole that had formed in his chest over the years of isolation from the time spent tending to his father. He hadn’t felt like he could relate to anyone with his intensity of emotion that filled him at the mere thought of The Swan.

He had mentioned only a small amount of The Swan’s deeds and Taehyung had gotten so emotional. Jimin had never met another person with so much heart and empathy. He felt like he could talk to Taehyung about anything and he would understand. Jimin’s stomach dropped when he realized he may never see Taehyung again.

The moment was quick but powerful. He couldn’t imagine the embarrassment Taehyung probably felt breaking down into his arms like he had. He secretly hoped everyday that he would see Taehyung’s messy long black locks come wandering in. Would he come back?

He finished emptying the box’s contents onto the shelves and walked to the back to drop the box until he would bring it to the recycling bin outside after his shift. As he bent to drop the box he felt a cool shiver go up his spine. The cardboard fell from his fingertips and he turned around to go back into the store. Why was he on edge?

He walked back to the counter and took a sip from his drink. He peered up at the monitor from the security camera and spotted someone in the snack aisle where he had been. All he could see was a messy hear of black hair. “Taehyung?” he called out. He watched the monitor and saw the man turn around came towards the front counter. A wave of relief washed over Jimin when he recognized him.

“It is you! How are you doing?” Jimin asked with a smile.

Taehyung walked over shyly and shrugged. “It’s been a rough couple days to be honest,” he admitted.

Jimin frowned at the thought of Taehyung unhappy. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Taehyung shook his head and placed a bag of Cheetos on the counter. “I’m just gonna let it go and let the Cheetos fix it,” he joked.

Jimin laughed and scanned the bag. “Killing Cheetos is how you cope with problems?” Jimin teased handing the bag back and taking Taehyung’s money. Taehyung let out a small nervous laugh.

“I guess we all cope in different ways.” Taehyung replied.

“It’s okay, they’re just Cheetos, it's not like you’re murdering people,” Jimin chuckled handing back Taehyung’s change. He watched the color drain from Taehyung’s face. A surge of concern possessed Jimin. “Taehyung, are you okay?”

Taehyung’s eyes rolled to the back of his head and he began to slouch onto the counter for support. “Taehyung!?” Jimin cried rushing around the counter to catch him. Taehyung stayed slumped for a few seconds before coming back to his senses. He blinked his eyes and looked up at Jimin.

“What happened?” Taehyung asked in a state of confusion. Jimin let out a breath he didn;t even realize he was holding.

“I think you fainted…” Jimin whispered. Taehyung quickly stood up and got out of Jimin’s arms.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t really eaten today, my sugar’s probably low…” he explained, holding the back of his neck. Jimin was worried.

“Are you okay? I can call a paramedic if you keep feeling faint,” Jimin offered but he was met with Taehyung fiercely shaking his head.

“I’m okay, I’ll just stand here for a minute and eat something,” he assured. Jimin didn’t believe he was fine, and didn’t want him to leave the store in this state.

He went back around the counter and got out his phone and dialed his coworker that traded shifts with him.

“Hey, Yeonjun, I really need to end my shift early, I have a friend who’s taken ill and I want to look after him,” Jimin said into the phone. Taehyung waved to get his attention but he was ignored.

“I’m okay, you don’t need to end your shift,” Taehyung assured, eating a Cheeto with an exaggerated smile to prove it. Jimin looked at him and rolled his eyes.

“Thank you man, I owe you! See you in a minute,” Jimin smiled into the phone before hanging up.

“My coworker Yeonjun is going to come right over and finish my shift for me. I’m taking care of you whether you like it or not. I’d like to think of you as my friend now and I don’t let my friends be sick alone,” Jimin stated in a tone to not be debated with it. Taehyung pouted like a defeated puppy when a man entered the store.

Jimin saw him and walked over to give a one-armed hug and a pat on the back. “I’m lucky you live a few buildings down,” Jimin said with a sigh of relief. “This is my new friend, Taehyung,” he said gesturing over at Taehyung.

Taehyung gave a small shy wave and headed for the door. “I need some air.”

Jimin went back to the counter to grab his jacket and jogged behind to catch up behind Taehyung. “I’m coming!”

They walked in silence down the street for a few minutes until Taehyung finally spoke. “I’m really fine, you could have stayed at work,” he said with a frown. Jimin was disheartened by Taehyung’s insistence on the fact. Were they not at least friends like he had thought?

“It’s okay, I’d rather spend time with you and make sure you’re okay,” Jimin assured patting Taehyung’s shoulder. “Where do you want to go?”

Taehyung shrugged his shoulders. “I have nowhere in particular to be now.”

“Want to come to my place?” Jimin asked.

“No!” Taehyung said quickly. He coughed and gave a light smile. “I don’t want to be in your house in case I might be sick, I’m sure your father’s immune system isn’t great in his state,” he explained.

Jimin’s face softened into a kind smile. “That’s so kind of you to think about, that’s a good point,” he admitted. They continued to walk until Jimin saw a park a block down.

“Do you want to just go to the park? We can sit and relax or whatever you want to do,” he suggested eagerly.

Taehyung shrugged his shoulders. “Sure.”

Jimin displayed the grin of a child and punched Taehyung’s arm before taking off down the sidewalk towards the park. Taehyung laughed at Jimin’s quickly forgotten fragility towards his state and took off after him.

They sat on the bench and talked for hours when they got there to learn more about each other. They played on the equipment like children until they couldn’t catch their breath from the laughter and exercise. Jimin was sure by then that they had an amazing friendship blooming on the horizon. Happiness filled his half empty self. It had been so long since he’d gotten to spend time with a friend and have this much fun.

It was dark before they could realize and they walked back toward the store. When they got there they stood by the door and looked at each other awkwardly. Jimin was unsure of how to say goodbye.

“So, uh, will you come by soon?” Jimin asked with a shy smile. He got so lost in their day together that he’d almost forgotten that Taehyung had never said anything to say he’d see him again soon.

“I’ll try,” Taehyung promised with a genuine smile that Jimin found contagious. He reached out and took Taehyung in his arms. He felt like he could, after all they had hugged in the past and Taehyung hadn’t said anything about not liking it. Jimin couldn’t help but be affectionate towards his new friend.

“I’ll see you soon then!” Jimin smiled when they released from the hug. Taehyung nodded and waved. Taehyung crossed the street and went into his car. Jimin tilted his head in interest. He hadn’t known that Taehyung had a car, had he really driven over to just come to the store?

Jimin looked down at his watch and gasped at how late it was. “I have to get home!” he scolded himself. He unlocked his car a few steps down and pulled out to get home to tell his father about his day.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
1162 Reviews


Points: 32055
Reviews: 1162

Donate
Sun Apr 26, 2020 1:12 am
View Likes
Carlito wrote a review...



Hey there! Happy Harry Potter Review Day! I picked this out of the green room because I love me some realistic fiction! I apologize that I haven't read the previous installments, so I'll be looking at this as a part of a greater whole.

I'm intrigued!
Even though the beginning portion was a lot of telling (rather than showing) by recapping what's happened between Jimin and Taehyung and all of Jimin's feelings about him, I found the exposition really nice and I enjoyed learning about Jimin's feelings. I also really liked the ache and the contrast of wow I really liked this person and connected with them in a way I haven't before and now I may not see them again.

When Jimin made the casual comment about murder and seeing Taehyung's reaction (plus him saying he's had a rough couple of days) either: A. Taehyung has murdered someone, or B. Someone Taehyung knows has been murdered. This is mystery/suspense too so that's my prediction.

It was nice the Jimin wanted to help Taehyung so much and be there for him and I understood Taehyung's reluctance for Jimin to come along. I feel like Taehyung is hiding something (like he murdered someone......) or maybe he has feelings for Jimin too and isn't able to voice that or doesn't feel comfortable acknowledging it even to himself.

The only thing I really wanted more of was at the end when they sat in the park and got to know one another. I'd love to see some of that conversation! For us to really understand their connection and also for their growing relationship to make sense and feel like something to us the reader, you'll have to take us on some of the emotional journey they're on. Now, the key will be that the conversation also has to do something to advance the plot. It can't be an infodump about their families or their favorite things. It has to be important to the plot in some way (more than just strengthening their connection.

Overall, I think your prose is really nice and easy to read and I'm intrigued by these characters (and not going to lie I kind of want some Cheetos too...) :p
Please let me know if you have any questions or if there's something you'd like feedback on that I didn't mention! I see there are more chapters of this story in the green room so I'm going to pop on over to the next! :D




Rin321 says...


Thank you so much for such a great review! :)



User avatar
206 Reviews


Points: 8788
Reviews: 206

Donate
Thu Feb 27, 2020 12:58 am
View Likes
Honora says...



Hello Rin! Just a quick note as I’m so behind in your chapters. :D
As always, it is amazingly written and has me curious about everything and anything. Love the new friendship that is developing! Although....I am getting the idea that it’s not just a friendship here.....

Your friend,
Honora




Rin321 says...


hahaha I've written fanfiction shipping members but this relationship is strictly a friendship type one, keep reading to see how it all plays out tho ;)



Honora says...


Ok cool! Good to know :-P



User avatar
151 Reviews


Points: 4549
Reviews: 151

Donate
Sun Feb 23, 2020 4:06 am
View Likes
writerkitty wrote a review...



^-^ Hello Rin, I'm here with another review!

Yesss! Jimin and Taehyung are best buds now!

:O I knew Tae would visit Jimin after he found out the disturbing truth about The Swan...Jimin is basically like the only friend he has...;-; And Jimin, on the other hand, also seems to enjoy having Tae around. ^^

He felt like when he spent the little time with Taehyung that he had made a connection that started to fill a dark hole that had formed in his chest over the years of isolation from the time spent tending to his father. He hadn’t felt like he could relate to anyone with his intensity of emotion that filled him at the mere thought of The Swan.


Aww, I'm so glad these two beans got to be friends...they really need each other's company. ^^

It's pretty neat how at the beginning of the chapter Jimin is questioning whether he and Tae are even friends, but by the end of the chapter, they've really formed an unbreakable friendship. ^-^ It's nice to see that you didn't make them best friends right at the start, but allowed both to interact and spend some time together before becoming so. It's more realistic.
I think their bond strengthened even more because of The Swan. o.o They both share Traumatic experiences because of The Swan, so as Jimin had mentioned at the start, not many could relate to that. You have everything well thought out!! :D


“It’s okay, they’re just Cheetos, it's not like you’re murdering people,” Jimin chuckled handing back Taehyung’s change. He watched the color drain from Taehyung’s face. A surge of concern possessed Jimin. “Taehyung, are you okay?”


O.o [i]Oh no... Poor choice of words there Jimin... o.o I knew Taehyung was deeply scarred after learning the truth about The Swan, but when he fainted after hearing Jimin's joke about murdering people... It really brought out how mentally disturbed he was. ;-; Poor guy...


At least now he has a caring friend. O.o I reeeaaallly hope Tae doesn't end up killing him... And at this point, I think I'm sure he won't be able to kill Jimin.

Jimin is too nice!! :O Like, he's such a caring and wonderful cinnamon roll who puts other peoples problems before his own! :D It was really nice of him to end his shift early just so he could spend some time with Tae.

^^ I loved how the two got to spend some time together. Tae really deserved that, the guy never seems to have any fun. And Jimin too, he's been working in that shop and looking after his dad, so I don't think he has much fun either.

o.o But...this was a fairly 'happy' chapter, so I'm kinda worried about what might happen next. I assume The Swan might have spies everywhere...so Tae and Jimin were at the park...so someone might've seen him with Jimin. o.o

Maybe The Swan's other workers might not know about Tae's mission, or that Jimin is on the Swan's kill list. But, The Swan always kept an eye on Taehyung... o.o So when he makes a new friend...most probably it'll cause suspicion. I really hope Tae knows what he's doing. ;-;

“I’ll see you soon then!” Jimin smiled when they released from the hug. Taehyung nodded and waved. Taehyung crossed the street and went into his car. Jimin tilted his head in interest. He hadn’t known that Taehyung had a car, had he really driven over to just come to the store?


O.o Oh no...would Jimin get suspicious?! Or he'd just think Tae really values their friendship and comes there just to meet him. ^^

Once again, this was a really well written and interesting chapter!! ^^ I'm looking forward to read the rest! (I really hope nothing happens to these two in the next chapter... o.o)


^^ That's all for now, I'm off to read the next chapter!

Keep up the good work!!

Happy Review day!




Rin321 says...


thank you as always! <3



User avatar
12 Reviews


Points: 8
Reviews: 12

Donate
Sat Feb 15, 2020 6:47 pm
View Likes



Sorry I'm late! But anyway, to get straight to the point, I love how Jimin and Taehyung are having actual fun together. It is the first time I see Taehyung having fun and laughing, and Jimin has filled a hole in himself. Other than that though, I can't think of anything else. I have short reviews, if you don't mind.




Rin321 says...


I love that you read and write reviews, it means a lot that you take the time to do it at all, thank you!




One fish, two fish, red fish, aardvark.
— alliyah